my dad keeps trying to fix me

by inkling 15 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • Scully
    Scully

    Dads are funny animals.

    There seems to be something in their brain function that compels them to want to fix stuff. Replace light bulbs, tighten the screws in a wobbly chair, replace the washer in the faucet that is drip-drip-dripping, etc.

    To his way of thinking, the only "correct" way of life is the JW way of life. Anything that does not fall within the scope of the JW way of life, needs to be fixed. As a parent, he probably feels that it is his responsibility to see to it that your life gets "fixed" to his satisfaction. It's part of his hard wiring.

    Having said that, he needs to come to the realization that your life is yours, not his, and he is no longer entitled to try to "fix" it. That's your job, and (when you get down to the nitty gritty) none of his business. Does he still answer to his father? Should an adult be required to answer to their parents? In a healthy relationship, that shouldn't happen. There has to come a time when "a man will leave his father and his mother and will stick to his wife and the two will become one flesh" - the adult child leaves the influence of his parents and becomes responsible for his own family. By the time that happens, your dad's job of parenting you should have been completed, and you will have the responsibility for your choices as an adult - it is no longer his job or his role to continue to "parent" you when you are an adult.

  • oompa
    oompa

    I must say I love JGNAT's story about the extra cat and his dad cussing! He is right...there is nothing your dad can do about. He is the one who needs to figure out he cant fix everything, and that he may have a problem wanting to fix things not even broken......oompa

  • OnTheWayOut
    OnTheWayOut
    I want them to let me live my own life and be OK with it.

    That's what many here on JWD are looking for.
    In each case, the goal is acheived or not acheived by various paths.
    In other words, we haven't found the golden solution to that problem.

    My mother (JW) acts as if everything is fine, not asking any questions
    about spirituality or doctrine or doubts. If I tell her anything, she's fine
    as long as I am not DF'ed. I am confident that she will not turn me in
    nor shun me for anything I say or do or don't do. Beyond that, I have
    learned not to say much to her about JW's.

    I am amazed that Oompa hasn't been DF'ed if his wife turned him in
    for reading apostate information and coming on JWD, but I am not
    surprised that his dad doesn't turn him in for email correspondences.
    Parents would have a hard time being that cold to their children, but
    we hear other examples where they are loyal to WT first and do
    snitch on their kids.

    You might have to let your dad keep his hope against hope for you to
    return to JW's. At the same time, you don't have to feed his hope.
    I wish I could tell you the exact way to do just that. If you find it, let
    me know.

  • R.Crusoe
    R.Crusoe

    Maybe you know that God will not reject you for being what you feel. Maybe you do not even know what you believe - and that is cool with God otherwise He would come visit you personally like you would to a friend - and that's never gonna happen! So what to do? You are the only person who can know what you want to believe. You should not be afraid to do that! You should not be expected to change it so that it makes someone else closer to their idea of God! If you do you will become so unhappy, confused and weaker than ever and be blamed for not getting strength from your faith! Your dad has been in a SCHOOL that makes him feel it's his fault if his family don't keep the faith and that he wont see loved ones in the next life that he adores. Santa isn't coming this Christmas because he's just started to feel that maybe he doesn't exist. Why would he want to be in a paradise without his loved ones? It may be the main reason he's looked forward to it all these years. The society has placed this pressure of belief on him and on you. Do not pander to their pressure but give of your heart freely in this life when it feels correct, so that when you grow you do so in love more and more as the person you know you are inside. Otherwise it is better to do nothing, no matter for how long, and venture where you will when you feel right about it. All of us falter! Just get up and remind yourself to be true to yourself before anyone - it is the only body and soul you will wake up with every day of your life so be kinder to it and listen to it more than to anyone else - especially before you hand it over to anything. And always be prepared to change your mind if it tells you! Be true to yourself and know that if you do decide there is a God, He gives you the choice to live your own life and work out the love in your heart in your own good time - just as with the billions who have lived and died without ever even hearing about Christianity or any other ready written list of God speak. Your belief is in your soul and your kindness you feel you want to share with other humans. There is much love to read of in this world - to do with God or to do with people. If you ever want a helping hand with readings that may help you be yourself just ask and many will offer it. I wish you well - and your family!

  • R.Crusoe
    R.Crusoe

    Here are some feelings I've experienced. If they are of any use it is my pleasure! I am sorry my thoughts are not your thoughts. It is a sadness to my soul that we cannot speak and understand each others feelings. It is a pain to my heart that we cannot respect each others thoughts and feelings with compassion. It truly breaks me up to imagine any of us may ever feel compelled to separate the bonds that we have. I love you all and wish everyone happiness. I must be true to my heart and cannot lie to it. I hope you respect me as I utterly have you. I hope you feel compelled to regularly communicate what I fear silence will emphatically destroy!

  • unique1
    unique1

    I would just tell them. Dad this is my life now. While I appreciate your concern, I am grown and am capable of making decisions for my family without your imput. I am also capable of settting my own goals for myself. I am not twelve and you need to stop treating me like I am. Love ya.

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