Hi there!

by breakingfree 44 Replies latest jw friends

  • breakingfree
    breakingfree

    Hello all,

    I have been coming to this site to read news and your stories for about a year now, but have never posted due to my mortal fear of somehow being found out... I have family in as most of you do, who are all very sincerely convinced that they are on the path of light.

    I have never been happy with the beliefs, mainly the doublespeak on the status of women, the hypocrisy, the dramatisation of the smallest of matters, and the general guilt trip that was my life until I stumbled across some hard evidence that my suspicions about 'Gods channel' were well founded. Unfortunately I am now addicted to turning over every piece of information I can find, there seems to be no end to the amount of $#*& below the surface. I will probably remain in this state for awhile, hungrily devouring all the information that makes me feel validated for my stand against much of the mindless rubbish that has gone around me during my life as a JW. I am just grateful that I figured this out while I am still young.

    I don't think I really faded as such, My husband and I had not been regular in field service for some years, but still keeping up appearances and had strong meeting attendance. The day I read the info on the UN association was the day the day we decided never to go back, true or not, we did not want to spend an eternity with the hypocrites or under an unfair and cruel god. The family has been puzzled. My parents don't question me too much because what I have said leaves them fearful of asking more. I think they know I can't keep quiet when I feel strongly about something and I will end up disfellowshipped for apostasy if anyone really badgers me about why I don't go. I have extended family, I don't want to lose them. I hate tiptoeing around because I just want to get on with the rest of my life. For the most part I can, but I have to be careful. The last thing I went to was an assembly, I mainly went to revalidate that I was against it all. I swear you could have seen the steam rising from my head, but then that was probably the case when I still believed too!! I also go to keep the peace. My parents are too old and die hard to get them out now. They think all the problems in the congregation are human failings localised to our area and that overall we are Jehovah's Happy People living in Satan's World...

    Anyway that's my situation in a nutshell... I actually have a problem and am looking for some advice.. what will land me in more hot water? Allowing the CO to visit (apparently he wants to call in, but hasn't phoned yet), or saying no? I thought maybe allowing him to visit and pretending to be just weak and lazy would be more benign than saying 'no', as long as I leave C of C well out of sight

    Would appreciate any thoughts or experiences... and thankyou to everyone who has unknowingly helped me over the past year, I am sure there are many more like I have been, silently
    drawing strength from this site.

  • ThomasCovenant
    ThomasCovenant

    Hello breakingfree.

    Just saying welcome and hope to hear from you more.

    Thomas Covenant

  • betterdaze
    betterdaze

    Welcome, breakingfree.

    I'm not sure what to say to you about the CO visit as I was raised in it and believed it all but never baptized. I'm out for good now, but still have family "in."

    Someone is bound to be in a better position than I for providing good advice, the Brits should be waking up soon, I think!

    And I'm glad to hear you've drawn some strength from this site, it gives me strength too, to hear your story. Thanks for sharing it.

    ~Sue

  • sweet pea
  • sweet pea
    sweet pea

    Hi Breaking Free, great to have you on board. Reading your post, that was me and my other half 7 months ago. If I had any advice for you it would be to not say or do anything rash for 6 months - devour all the information you can - it will be a roller coaster of emotions, the highs of thoughts of freedom and breaking free of the routine and lies but sadness and grief at all you have and will lose.

    I personally would avoid meeting with a CO - just say you're ok, struggling with some personal issues, depression, tiredness, work stress etc and thank him for his concern - he'll soon move on to someone else and the visit is so short anyway.

    You're going to need some serious time to adjust to your belief system falling apart, go slowly and do some fun things to counteract all the rough stuff.

    We're all here for you 24/7.

    Look forward to hearing more from you.

    Sam

  • breakingfree
    breakingfree

    Wow you guys are quick... thanks for the warm welcome. I sort of realised after posting it is early hours round the other side of the globe...

  • sweet pea
    sweet pea

    That's the great thing about this site. We really do have a worldwide brotherhood. LOL.

    Contrary to the false impression the WTBTS gave us that there was no where else to go......

    :-)

  • Magick
    Magick

    Hi breakingfree.

    Welcome! glad you poked your head in to say 'hi' yep, it's really late...or early here, i should be asleep!

    i have survived several visits. if there is no way to wiggle your way out of the visit...then just be cool. they can't read your mind.

    be cordial and accommodating but vague. no specifics. allow them to "encourage" you. if they ask if there is anything they can help you with...just say, no not really. or you could say...we are going through a rough time, or have some personal issues...whatever feels comfortable. if they continue to probe and ask why you haven't been attending meetings say something about you needing time to sort things out, you don't find the meetings enjoyable anymore or something general. if they still keep on...and ask if you still think "this is jehovah's organization" just say you have your doubts. that's where you stop. they can't do anything with it. you can't be disfellowshipped for doubting.

    they will read a few scriptures and look concerned...say a prayer. have coffee and pie ready for a treat (kind of a distraction...makes them think you are still OK) thank them for their concern.

    a few of these kind of meetings and eventually you will be taken off the 'visit' list.

  • breakingfree
    breakingfree

    Stupid internet dropped out and I lost my last post!

    Thanks Sam. I stopped going to meetings about a year ago so it has been a bit of a ride yes, but I am grateful. It is such a relief to know it is not just you, and it is not that you are somehow inherently evil and just don't get it...

    Thankyou for your comments. I was leaning towards no meeting and saying something along the lines of still being stumble by the unloving and unjust treatment by members of the congregation (believe me there are many examples), and we just need some space. But maybe I won't even say that much, especially since we've been gone so long anyway and the 'needing space' thing might not work. My parents have actually been effective go betweens in the past, so hopefully this will work for me again and I will not have to speak to him at all...

    Just read you last comment. How true! I have made the best true friends ever since (even before) leaving. I feel like I'm finally a part of planet earth and not just in a holding pattern!

  • breakingfree
    breakingfree

    Hi Magik,

    I haven't had to deal with being 'encouraged' before because the last CO didn't really give a damn bout me and my hubby. Now there is a new one that is obviously trying to 'help'. Apparently he is a charismatic speaker. Is it just me or are CO visits more often now? Gotta keep the troops in line I guess. Last time I went out in service was for CO Nazi whose comments to my husband (re: me) meant we stormed out of the hall and never went out in service again. It was the log that broke the camels back with my husband.

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