Were you pressured into marrying/having children young?

by breakingfree 16 Replies latest jw friends

  • breakingfree
    breakingfree

    This is probably something women in the organisation experience more than men. Even though we were instructed from the platform to use our youth to go pioneering, the older sisters in the congregation always seemed to be pushing younger women to marry and have children so they would be 'happy' like them . I guess this is mostly the only joy you can have as a JW woman (Especially for keeping you entertained during otherwise boring meetings).

    When I got married (far too young, lucky it worked out) there was instant teasing, encouragement, etc to procreate. This despite the fact I was barely an adult myself. I know this happens in the real world as well but it seems to be particularly bad among JWs. They were particularly upset that I continued my university studies, and I was always greeted with such remarks as 'you do too much' (i.e. you do too much of what we don't want you to do). I actually felt very isolated because all the 'sisters' around me didn't seem to care about developing themselves as a person, so they would have something to pass on, but were more intent on having children, so they could have children, and so on. I would love to have a child one day, but I want to know who I am first (at least a bit more than now). I always felt like I had to make excuses for this decision. Luckily I stuck to it and have my degree and a real job Still hurts that all my efforts were valueless in their eyes.

  • White Dove
    White Dove

    Mom: If you marry him, you'll make me very happy.

    Daughter: (wondering to self: Is she trying to get my guy?)

  • FlyingHighNow
    FlyingHighNow

    Stupidity. I admit it.

  • momzcrazy
    momzcrazy

    Although we married young, we wanted to. My parents discouraged it. But it has worked out OK, just a few bumps. 15 yrs last May. And we waited 3 yrs until a baby. I was proud of that!

    momz

  • breakingfree
    breakingfree

    Hmmm, maybe it's just a bit different where I'm from. What annoyed me was everyone thought they were entitled to constantly pressure my Husband and I about having children. I couldn't even hold someone else's baby without people carrying on that I should be next. And I don't mean they made a passing comment every once in a while, that I could accept. It would have been heartbreaking for someone who was trying to fall pregnant and couldn't. And I shouldn't say it was just sisters, one of the major offenders was a brother. I was interested to see if other people had similar experiences, but maybe not.

  • Numinous
    Numinous

    In the part of the country where I live, finding a marriage partner IMMEDIATELY after baptism was pushed and this is what happened to me. Two months after baptism I was set to be married, I pushed the date till three months later, told the brother 10 times or more how I didn't want to be married, told this to sisters, the to-be in-laws...everybody had a lame scriptural reason why I could never turn back once I said yes. Such as: let your yes mean yes, two are better than one, if you were an Isrealite girl and broke your engagement you would be killed, it's too late now, there are too many young people dating and breaking their engagements and this has got to stop right now...I was the virgin pushed into the volcano and stayed in there for 17 years trapped thinking, of course, that I was all alone in this weird situation. Just made the best of it. Made SURE I would never get pregnant.

  • Numinous
    Numinous

    In the part of the country where I live, finding a marriage partner IMMEDIATELY after baptism was pushed and this is what happened to me. Two months after baptism I was set to be married, I pushed the date till three months later, told the brother 10 times or more how I didn't want to be married, told this to sisters, the to-be in-laws...everybody had a lame scriptural reason why I could never turn back once I said yes. Such as: let your yes mean yes, two are better than one, if you were an Isrealite girl and broke your engagement you would be killed, it's too late now, there are too many young people dating and breaking their engagements and this has got to stop right now...I was the virgin pushed into the volcano and stayed in there for 17 years trapped thinking, of course, that I was all alone in this weird situation. Just made the best of it. Made SURE I would never get pregnant. Sorry I can't delete this!!!

  • Finally-Free
    Finally-Free

    I got baptised at 26. One guy was trying to convince me to marry a certain sisterâ„¢. He was certain we'd be perfect for each other because we were both large.

    I got married at 29 to someone 5 years younger than me. She was not large. We weren't too young, but it was still a huge mistake.

    W

  • breakingfree
    breakingfree
    if you were an Isrealite girl and broke your engagement you would be killed

    How loving . I am sorry to hear you had to go through that. I think I remember an article on not breaking engagements, how it was a serious commitment. A brother once said to us that a couple should not sit next to each other at the hall unless they are engaged or expected to be engaged very soon.

    For me personally I was never so sure of anything in my life. However there was a lot of unwanted external interference. Previously, I had no intention of getting married before I met my husband. I was not really on the lookout for a serious relationship. But when you're brought up a JW you righteously equate wanting to have sex with someone to wanting to be married to them . Which is another issue entirely I guess. I am one of the lucky ones, many JWs I know who married young have ended up divorced (or separated and waiting for the other to commit adultery).

  • llbh
    llbh

    Hi breakingfree.

    My experience was similar back 1970's. I became Jw along with my gf now wife, were told to get married so as to regularise our relationship. We were married at 18. We were then told to discontinue our education, we gave up college places, We were then told to pioneer and not have children, we did for 8 years and were childless. In the end my wife's desire to have children overcame her desire to pioneer, We had first child at 27 our last and third at 40. I did a degree part time and graduated at 40, mad!!!

    We subsumed our lives for them, very sad.!! You get your education, enjoy your life and be yourself, not what others want..

    regards llbh

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