An update (page 2)

tall penguin

Sounds like you're getting some amazing clarity on the issues here. I'm proud of you. Recognizing an unhealthy and abusive pattern is difficult. Wanting to step out of it and make change so you don't end up in it again is courageous. Kudos to you.

tall penguin

Frequent_Fader_Miles

He couldn't finish school because he didnt' have the money. And then his two ex-wives spent all his money while he was married, so he couldn't finish it then. And then after each divorce, he had to declare bankruptcy because of their spending habits. Basically, he has a deep hatred of women, all women, including his mother. I was the scapegoat for all the women who have "let him down." The crowning moment was when he said that he was too picky to be with me. He said that he was feeling bad for how he had been treating me, until he realized that if I would have only listened to him and worked with him, he would not have had to be so hard on me.

Wow! He certainly is caught up in himself isn't he? Then he has the gall to call YOU spoilt? Emilyblue, you should be thankful that you're rid of him now. You seem to be a very level-headed young lady to me, and a boyfriend like that would've just been an albatross around your neck.

Thanks for updating us.

jgnat

Thanks for checking in. I do remember those conversations, and I do wonder how you turn out. Congratulations on moving back home! Good for you for cancelling the second flight! Excellent, that you are seeing a counsellor now!

Someone has seriously messed with your head. Your impulses and feelings cannot be trusted. But I'll tell you something very important, YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THINGS. That tells me that in your heart of hearts, you know you are worth more than how you were treated.

Being woken up in the middle of the night to answer to his rants is typical abusive behavior. He abuses your time and your health when you are most vulnerable. Did you notice how he tried to minimize his horrible behavior afterwards, characterizing that "fight" as somehow normal? It's not. A normal "fight" happens during the day, in the moment that both parties bring it up.

If you can't cut him off completely yet, can you try a test in self-worth? The next time he tries to characterize you on ANYTHING - "You always..." "You never..." "You are...." HANG UP ON HIM. Refuse to listen to it. Block it out. All it does is wound you. I started hanging up on my mentally ill mother when she went off on her rants. And the odd time my current hubby has done it, I've hung up on him, too. But he's "normal" and smarter than my mother and my ex-husband. If I hang up on him, he knows he's crossed the line. He right away apologizes.

I'll tell you right now though, it will be a cold day in hell before this man who claims to be your unofficial fiancee ever apologizes to anybody. But hanging up on him will help you feel better. If he rants all over you for hanging up on him, hang up on him again. If he speaks to you calmly about it, tell him why you are hanging up. Be UNAPOLAGETIC. Hang up every time he gets abusive.

J-ex-W

emilyblue-------

GOOD for YOU!!! ...for learning about yourself and coming out yet wiser and yet stronger!!! You got in there and mixed it up a bit again...and came out knowing yet a little more about the dynamics of the situation and about yourself.................. Sorry for the heartache that you still endure...but

WONDERFUL that you are actively taking on the project and

LETTING yourself LEARN!!!!!

You GO, Girl!!

J-ex-W

Gringa

Emily!

Lot of good advice here.... he is an abuser - plain and simple.

Run, don't walk away - don't look back. You are way better off without him. Thank God you didn't marry him..... you could have been in for years of abuse.

Take care, sweetie!

Gringa

wanderlustguy

You are right about needing to work on you for a while. You should really use the forum to vent as you go through all the emotions you are about to experience. You don't just have to be here to talk about the Witnesses, you can have some real friends here who want to see you be ok.

As you said before, there is a lot of experience here.

Good luck!

WLG

95stormfront

Boy....that guy has got that "one size fits all" elder advice of "you must have done something wrong.......go home and be more submissive.....be a better wife" abusive nature down pat doesn't he.

Mum

Thanks for the update, emily. I remember those posts, and I was really concerned about you. I was even more concerned that you might actually marry him and have children who would be similarly abused.

It is wonderful to hear of your progress. You deserve a happy and fulfilling life with someone who values you for who you are. You're on the right track to have all of that!

Regards,

SandraC

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