Are There Similarities With JWs & ExJWs? (page 2)

Junction-Guy

I guess the only similarity I see between some XJW's and the JW's is an oversuspicion of other people. I always try to give the benefit of the doubt to newbies, until they start to post pro-JW propaganda.

Another thing I notice, come to think of it, is the overhwhelming urge by some people to always be the one to debunk something, whether it be politics, urban legends, or anything else. Some people just always have to be the one to uncover some story. It makes you wonder why they didnt have that same amount of suspicion about the JW's in the first place.

sweetstuff

Hmm, I don't think so, we aren't forced to congregate here three times a week, you can come and go as you please, with no disapproving emails asking you why you have not been present, etc. We aren't forced to go door to door to preach our belief that the WTS is bs, matter of fact, we don't have to discuss it at all. When we were JW's we were forced to put on a fake smile and show a false sense of love to those we deep down, did NOT like, maybe even could not stand, here, not so much. You are free to disagree, say your peace and there will be no committee meeting regarding your behavior, well for the most part. Many people stay here for a while, then outgrow it, leave and are welcomed back with open arms if they pop their heads back in the proverbial door a year or two later, no strings attached. Can't say that for the JW's. hehe (There are always strings attached.)

Most ex-jws I know personally, offline, are great people who are open-minded, with a renewed zest for life and a certain glow of freedom about them. They dont' sit and gossip about, "hey did you hear so and so got in trouble for having sex...", they don't care what others do in their private lifes. I dont' think the ex-jw "complainers" are just old jw "complainers" because of one simple fact. When we were JW's our complaints were usually petty, stupid stuff regarding someone getting invited somewhere we didn't or being "treated" better. The complaints of exjw's are based in solid fact and outrage at serious damaging doctrines and mentalities enforced by the WTS. That's not complaining in my books, that's pure outrage. Justified outrage. IMO

WTWizard

There are aftereffects. First, the Witlesses have stolen a chunk of time that will never be gained back. For those born in the cult, they lost their early memories of holidays, vacations, and fun on the playground. Their earliest memories are going to be of field circus. They also lost out on association between real music and special events--that is, if there were any special events--because they were supposed to listen to Kingdumb Sxxx.

There is also the damage the cult has done to their personality. They never developed the ability to function outside the cult, and often they are just as poor because they did not go to college when they should have (though a sizable number are going to college, you just cannot catch up with those that went when they were supposed to). Many remain suspicious, and especially of apostates (that is one thing that changes quickly when they themselves go apostate). Some are still gullible, and will fall for different cults and scams (I guess the same traite that made them fall for the Witlesses also make them fall for other scams).

One thing that isn't the same is the rigidity. Witlesses are programmed to be closed-minded to outside viewpoints. Once they become ex-Witlesses, they generally become more open to outside beliefs. I became more tolerant to Catholic and Protestant viewpoints, even though I am antitheist. I am able to see value in an apostate web site that promotes another Christian viewpoint, as well as those with an atheist view. And, until someone can prove (prove means in real life, not just with specious arguments from the Scriptures) otherwise, I am going to stay open to the possibility that any one of those religions, or none at all (or even all or most) are acceptable.

R.Crusoe

Many of you have so much insight that it is amazing others can come here and see that all their feelings that have been making them suffer for years on end must exist in thousands of others as well. But there are still some understandable gaps because we are all individuals - gender gaps - age gaps - JW experience gaps from lifetime JW to convert to pub to sister to elders wife to PO etc etc. still exist even though there is this added JW cloud. So each of our journeys through JW land will have been from different angles and only by listening to each other will we see what the differences might be and what common ground exists - and this has been programmed out of us so long it's no wonder some overdo things whilst trying to work out their life balance. But I think most of us have been through that many windmills of our mind that we try to see each others perspective when a regular non-JW would maybe have an ape-shit mind blow-out!

dinah

There are probably similarities. I think it depends on where we are individually in our journeys. There are definite personality differences in children (now adults) who were born and raised as Witnesses.

I've noticed people exhibiting all the stages of grief as they come out of the organization.

I believe there are more of us who need therapy or are in therapy than the general non-dub population. That is not a scientific fact of course. I'm sure people who leave Amish country or other repressive religions go through the same thing.

It's funny that we change from being JWs to being ex-JWs. This could just be so we can find each other for support. If someone has not personally been there, they would never understand the issues we have.

Superfine Apostate

i guess that depends a lot on the type of person. JWs are not all a bunch of brainless zombies either. i mean, not any more than other religionists. there are plenty of JWs who don't fit the super-JW wanted by the gobo and stylized in the conventions.

it also very much depends on the age you entered and left, also if you were "brought up" or converted. everything depends...

minimus

Very insightful comments!!!

I think some ex Witnesses live in the past. I think there are some wannabees out there too. Elder wannabees and some who might've been an elder sometimes still act as one here. Overall, we have a great community here!!!

Balsam

I know when I first left the mental and emotional programing felt slow to fall away, but then I knew other who were moving even more slowly than I was. I think there is a real danger for ex-witnesses to fall into other cult type religious organizations. I've been out just over 6 years and can say I feel free of it now but I remember well the pull of that 30 year control when I set about remembering it. I feel deeply for those who are still going through the terrible drama it adds to their lives when they begin their exodus out the JW's. Seeking psychiatric assistance is very beneficial for those struggling the most. I sought help in confirming I was not losing my mind from a psychiatric therapist and basically she helped me feel better knowing that my questioning my religions was justified.

I love the holidays now but in the beginning it was down right painful because of how the JW's had poisoned my heart against these celebrations. I have been through rejection of religion entirely to a need of being a part of something spiritual. Today I am a liberal Presbyterian and love it. I have a faith community that surpasses the JW community I was in for 30 years. I feel nothing but pure joy in my spiritual path now. Something I only felt occasionally as a JW. Most of the time I just felt a clinging fear of the JW's concept of God and Jesus. The fear is gone.

Excellent questions minimus, it made me stop and reflect on my progress over the past 6 years.

Balsam

minimus

Thanks, Balsam.

Therapy might be a good idea for some.

Are There Similarities With JWs & ExJWs?

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