Worth

by joelbear 15 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  GinnyTosken

  Joelbear,

  One more thought--

  You might try writing as a form of meditation and a means to learn to trust your thoughts, feelings, and ideas. I myself found this extremely helpful. It also meshed well with cognitive therapy, in which you listen to your self-talk, evaluate the validity of what you say to yourself, and talk back to yourself if necessary.

  If you'd like to try this, I highly recommend Natalie Goldberg's Writing Down the Bones and Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way. There are even groups on Yahoo who work through the lessons in The Artist's Way together.

  I'll leave you with this quotation from Natalie Goldberg's Writing Down the Bones:

  In Zen meditation you sit on a cushion called a zafu with your legs crossed, back straight, hands at your knees or in front of you in a gesture called a mudra. You face a white wall and watch your breath. No matter what you feel--great tornadoes of anger and resistance, thunderstorms of joy and grief--you continue to sit, back straight, legs crossed, facing the wall. You learn not to be tossed away no matter how great the thought or emotion. That is the discipline of continuing to sit.

  The same is true in writing. You must be a great warrior when you contact first thoughts and write from them. Especially at the beginning you may feel great emotions and energy that will sweep you away, but you don't stop writing. You continue to use your pen and record the details of your life and penetrate into the heart of them. Often in the beginning class students break down crying when they read pieces they have written. That is okay. Often as they write they cry, too. However, I encourage them to continue reading or writing right through the tears so they may come out the other side and not be thrown off by the emotion. Don't stop at the tears; go through to truth. This is the discipline.

  Ginny
• 

  joelbear

  Larc,

  I wholeheartedly concur. I am not defending not having self worth.

  I am looking for specific steps to take to get out of this vicious cycle.

  Joel
• 

  larc

  Joel,

  Step one. Practice saying nice things about yourself. Negative thinking is a habit, and it takes practice to over come a bad habit.

  Step two. When you say something negative about yourself, dispute it. I know you read the thread on the 10 nutty beliefs. Sometimes, it is useful to revisit these ideas. I do it myself from time to time.

  Step three. Send me a check for one hundred dollars for giving you this sage advice. We will both feel better for it.

  Onother thing: Engage yourself in more humor. As Richard Pryor, said once, "Lighten up, don't tighten up." As the great philosopher, Alfred E. Neuman, from Mad comics, says, "What..me worry?

  By the way, do you have Blue Cross/Blue Shield to cover this? If not, I will give you a discount.
• 

  Satanus

  JB

  I have the belief that we all have a built in value that stayes the same whether we accomplish a lot or do nothing. To illustrate: what does my cat do for me. True, she is good company, sometimes a pain in the but. But really she is just being a cat, and i love her. That is what she is good at. I understand that most cats are similar to mine.

  Just by being a human and doing nothing at all, you have the same value as an achiever. For fun, you could try an experiment where you do absolutely nothing for a couple of days, always reminding yourself that you are worth as much during that time as on the days where you have conquered the world. This is a chance to be with yourself so to speak, to fully accept yourself, without any outside values added. I am expressing this as best i can.
• 

  JAVA

  Thanks for starting this thread Joel, and the follow-up comments are very helpful. Self-worth and self-esteem are topics that emerge with folks exiting restrictive religious communities. As pointed out countless times in this forum, the "worth" of a JW depends on the rules laid out by the Tower, and how one is/was viewed within the local congregation. The "worth" of a JW could/did change in an instant within this milieu. However, JW worth is missing a valuable ingredient in achieving a healthy mental outlook--that missing ingredient is "self."

  It's little wonder former Witnesses struggle with "self-worth" because worth as a JW had little to do with "self." "Self" was devalued in order to have "worth" as a Witness. This convoluted view of "worth" and "self" takes time to untangle and sort out when exiting restrictive groups like the JWs. Thank goodness for the Internet as we process and discover healthy definitions of self-worth and figuring out who we are. I am no longer "JAVA a Jehovah's Witness," but JAVA. Who is JAVA, and what worth does JAVA have? Simple questions, but ones we didn't ask or process as JWs.
• 

  4horsemen

  Joelbear,

  I would say "worth" is connected with growth.

  The source of your strength(worth) can never be something you're ever afraid of losing.

  What is best in you? That is worth. What you might consider as a weakness others might see as worth.

  By this even "bad" things can be worthy. For example, my time with the WTS, while for the duration of the experience on the whole was "bad" now I am seeing just how worthy it was. I would not be the person I am today without those events.

  I remember a conversation my dad had with my aunt(a strident JW) regarding homosexuality. My dad pointed out to my aunt that God loves homosexuals, he might not approve of their conduct (aunt citing the usual scriptures) but that did not mean he hated them. She couldnt accept that.

  I realized he was right. One of my favorite music groups lead singer in high school was was either bi-sexual, or homosexual. Does it matter? His talent, the range of his voice, were extrordinary. Of course as a homosexual, I denied my acknowledgement of his ability and disowned being a fan completely. It wasn't cool. But what I was really was doing was labeling myself. He existed as a person with his own worth and I could not accept him and all that he was for who he was. He simply did not fit in my "approved" view of the world.

  That conversation between my dad and my aunt had worth, because I saw my petty judgements and experienced growth. That is worth. You dont need to be Einstein, Salk or a yogi to do that.

  If you want to change the world, change yourself first. Because it's only when you've changed, grown, if you will, that you realize and understand what little chance you have of "making" others change. But perhaps through your example you may help them question their future growth.