Boldly Going (Everyone's advice needed)...

by Tuesday 15 Replies latest jw friends

  • Tuesday
    Tuesday

    Hey guys, long time from me and no topics (yup moving is a pain). I'm sure no one really remembers but at my last postings I was mentioning that my wife was pregnant. Well now I'm the proud poppa of a beautiful 2 week old baby girl.

    This of course brings complications, my mother is still an active JW and surely chomping at the bit to bring my daughter (did I mention she's beautiful) to show off to all her meeting friends.

    Of course I don't want my daughter exposed to this, so I came up with a tactic I would like everyone's opinion on. I noticed the one chink in my mom's JW armor is the stuff about sexual abuse (through our game of casually mentioning stuff).

    My plan is to tell my mother that if she does bring my child to the hall I don't want her letting my child out of her sight for a second, not to let it alone with anyone because I don't feel that there are policies in place to protect my daughter from abuse. I always think that questions are the best attack so I came up with questions that I'll say "until these are answered in a satisfactory manner I cannot change my position". Here are the questions:

    1.) If my child says they have been molested by a member of the congregation and there is no second witness to the crime what would happen to the accused if he denied guilt?
    2.) If there is physical evidence of the abuse from a doctor, would this effect the decision?
    3.) Would the congregation be warned to avoid leaving their children alone with the accused?
    4.) If there is deemed insufficient evidence to disfellowship the accused what if the victim or the victim’s family warns the congregation?
    5.) What if the victim or the victim’s family went to the press?
    6.) If there is deemed insufficient evidence to disfellowship the accused and they move to another congregation, would that congregation be notified of the previous accusation?
    7.) It is not required for clergy to report abuse in Rhode Island; would a call be placed to Child Services to investigate?
    8.) Would this be different if the abuse occurred Massachusetts where it is required that clergy report abuse?
    9.) How would the abuse be reported to Child Services (Child Services will not investigate any anonymous claims)?
    10.) Would the method, time or location in which the accusation was reported be made available to Child Services?
    11.) Would the contact information for the person reporting be made available to Child Services? His position?
    12.) Would this change at all if the accused was not a Witness?
    13.) If the accused confesses would this affect the reporting process?
    14.) If the victim’s family chooses not to press charges would this effect the reporting process?
    15.) If the Statute of Limitations has expired would this effect the decision?
    16.) If the accused confesses and is disfellowshipped is the congregation made aware of why the accused was disfellowshipped?
    17.) If the accused who has been disfellowshipped is later re-instated would the congregation be warned not to allow their children alone with them?
    18.) What if the victim or the victim’s family tells the congregation?
    19.) If the accused that has been disfellowshipped and later re-instated moves to another congregation would that new congregation be warned?
    20.) Do any of the answers seem to protect the accused (even if they’ve confessed) more than protecting potential victims? If so, why is this the case? With the answers provided could anyone work this system to potentially abuse several children without punishment? Could you bring your concerns with the process to the congregation openly?

    Do you think these questions are sufficient, are they biting enough? Is there anything that I could add without sounding too apostate or is it already sounding too apostate? Any help would be greatly appreciated.

  • Hortensia
    Hortensia

    that's pretty thorough - I don't think your mother would listen if she's a diehard JW, but I admire you for wanting to protect your daughter. It's the parents' job to protect the children, so I hope you really mean it, rather than just use it as a pretext to prevent your mother from taking your beautiful daughter to the KH

  • Hortensia
    Hortensia

    I didn't mean for that to sound negative!

  • Tuesday
    Tuesday

    I don't want my daughter at the Kingdom Hall for alot of reasons, but this issue is something that really scares me. While it may be meant somewhat as a wake-up call to my mother at first as I was writing them I got more and more scared (I'm already told I'm over-protective) so it is a genuine concern of mine.

  • 95stormfront
    95stormfront

    I have a relative who only visits their baby over to their JW grandma's house on non-meeting nights. And now, even a year later, grandma has never been allowed to keep their baby overnight. They are determined that their kid not be exposed to JW psychobable.

  • Hortensia
    Hortensia

    It's a good idea - they will do everything in their power, even telling the poor little kid the parents are evil, to make the little kid a JW. Miserable life.

  • No Apologies
    No Apologies

    Am I missing something here? You do not want your mother taking your daughter to the Kingdom Hall? Its your daughter, you don't need tactics, or strategy. You just say no, my daughter will not be going to any Kingdom Hall. End of story.

    No Apologies

  • chickpea
    chickpea

    a new baby!! such a life enhancing event!! mazel tov!!!

    give g'ma a nice pic to flash around the hall.....knowing what i know now, i too believe that the "inculcation" would subtly begin and therefore i would not agree to let a witness relative or ANY WTS automaton take my child to a kingdom hall.....

    hang on to that list of questions, because should the organization manage to retain status in the world of organized religion, then a natural questing and curiosity may prompt your daughter to want to "go to g'ma's church".... maybe require a written and signed response from the PO before allowing any child of yours to set foot in their lair, if ever ....

  • Tuesday
    Tuesday
    maybe require a written and signed response from the PO before allowing any child of yours to set foot in their lair, if ever

    Wow, that's a really good idea! I'm going to have to pre-face all of this with warning against them using half-truths or outright lying to me in the face of "theocratic warfare".

    For No Apologies- I don't want it to seem like I'm just being bitter, I know she wants to show her friends the baby and I'm fine with that. Indoctrinization really isn't my concern with a 2 week old or even a 7 year old, Christmas will pretty much be the all deciding factor there, or school activities and sports. But even the chance of being sexually abused is a real concern. I want to show her there are no real policies in place to protect my daughter outright, if I went to a hall I wouldn't know if anyone had been accused of abuse previous or even if they had previously been disfellowshipped for it.

    My illustration is bringing my Kid to Chuck E Cheese where they don't have a cleaning crew and someone told me that there's a knife in the ball pit somewhere. Even though I know plenty of people who have gone in the ball pit and came out fine, why would I take the chance?

  • DJK
    DJK

    If grandma shows up to take an infant to the KH, have the child dressed in Christmas clothing. Maybe grandma will think twice.

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