Boldly Going (Everyone's advice needed)...

by Tuesday 15 Replies latest jw friends

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  No Apologies

  Tuesday, I think you might have misunderstood me. What I mean to say is I think you are making this way more complicated than it needs to be. You have very good reasons for not wanting your child to be taken to the Hall, and thats fine.

  All I am saying is, you don't need to rationalize or justify your position to anyone. Its your child, if you don't want her to go, then she doesn't go. And of course you need to make your position clear to your mother. She doesn't have to understand your concerns, she doesn't have to agree with them, she just has to respect your wishes in this regard. I would also make it very clear that any attempts to flout your rules will seriously impact how much contact she will have in the future with your daughter.

  Personally I would have a hard time allowing any kind of extended visits without my being there, between my children and my JW family members. But, since I don't have any kids, I guess its kinda moot.

  No Apologies
• 

  Soledad

  Hi Tuesday

  I'm sorry if I don't know all the details of your situation. I dont visit here as often anymore. I see that you put a lot of time into the questions that you intend to posit to your mom.

  Are you and your wife active, fading or DF/DA?

  Is your mom going to babysit your child on meeting days? Otherwise, why would your mom bring your daughter to the Kingdom Hall? Are you trying to not sever ties or cause friction with your mom due to your status (assuming that you're fading)?

  If the latter is true, I have to say that is not the best way to do it. Your child's safety will be compromised. Remember being taken into the backroom for spankings? Don't think grandma wont do that to your daughter, especially if she's done it to you when you were little.

  Don't assume that a baby that is mere weeks old won't get spanked. I've seen that done too.

  I tend to strongly agree with No Apologie's first post on this thread.
• 

  primitivegenius

  ok my son will NEVER EVER EVER go to a kingdom hall. my body will be in a cold grave and ill still rise to prevent it.

  there is nothing good there and i shall raise him to know what i had to put up with and what others who have suffered much more than i did were subjected to there.

  i have good parents and in laws............. but they are JWs so my child will NEVER even be alone with them. at least not untill they leave that horrible cult.

  dont let your precious daughter out of YOUR sight. your mom can show pictures and thats IT good enough.

  ask yourself.......... if you could prevent yourself from ever setting foot inside a hall............. would you?

  and when you answer YES then do the same for your daughter now.
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  I don't want it to seem like I'm just being bitter, I know she wants to show her friends the baby and I'm fine with that. Indoctrinization really isn't my concern with a 2 week old or even a 7 year old, Christmas will pretty much be the all deciding factor there, or school activities and sports. But even the chance of being sexually abused is a real concern. I want to show her there are no real policies in place to protect my daughter outright, if I went to a hall I wouldn't know if anyone had been accused of abuse previous or even if they had previously been disfellowshipped for it.

  I have to agree with N A. No explanation is needed. I would refuse to let grandma take grandbaby to a Kingdom Hall.
  I would tell her that she is free to have the baby in her home if she agrees to never take her to the hall and to not
  indoctrinate her with the JW beliefs. Even then, she will violate that agreement sooner or later "for the good of the
  child." She could show off the baby at her home. Once she violates the agreement, and starts indoctrinating the
  baby, only visitation in your presence will be allowed.

  The "I want to show her..." statement is a noble effort. I think it's a wasted noble effort. Most JW's will just think
  you are over the top and being ridiculous because you are Apostate. You can try this. I never give up completely
  on my mother. I would prefer never letting the child go to the Kingdom Hall.

  "Indoctrinization really isn't my concern with a 2 week old or even a 7 year old"I would change my tune on that. Sure, the 2 week old isn't going to get anything out of that crap at the hall.
  But it starts a precident that Grandma can take the baby/child/preteen/teen to the hall. "I did it last week/month/year."
  "Okay, she's older now. I won't take her. Just to the Memorial." "But she wants to go."
  You get the idea. The crap just keeps piling up.

  The early years, the child can be extremely influenced by those around her. They will start as soon as she's
  there, and increase the pressure when she can talk. They will tell her about Paradise and Jehovah and Armageddon
  and all that. I would have to ask my child what Grandma talked about when she visited. Don't think that
  Christmas will automatically win the day or sports or other fun stuff. JW's can put real fear into kids- ask the board.

  Just one opinion among many.
• 

  moshe

  I would say go ahead and let her take the baby to the KH- just make sure she is wearing a white baby tee-shirt that has this screen printed on it:

  Please protect me from JW pedophiles!- Silentlambs.org

  Wrap your baby up in a nice blanky and send her off to the KH with Nana- I doubt you will ever have to worry about Nana taking her again.
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  momzcrazy

  Congratulations Tuesday!!!! These are precious times for you and your wife. Please don't let thoughts of what if's ruin it. Enjoy every moment, even the 3:00 colic ones. I wish I had those times back, with each of my 3 kids.

  My mother is currently shunning me and my kids. My 9 yr old used to enjoy spending the night at her house. The solution to Saturday sleep overs would be simple, if mother would let them happen once again. You can do the same. You do have a couple of years till you need to worry though. Just pick up your daughter before meeting. Or drop her off after.

  I agree with others here on the point that my kids will never go to the KH again. I never told them this, but they picked up that unless you are a Witness you will die. I never want them to hear the BS at the hall again.

  If Grandma is willing to be in little one's life, please welcome it. Grandparents are vital. But as a parent you are allowed to set rules. No candy before dinner, no meetings, brush your teeth before bed. As my dad used to say, don't sweat the small stuff.

  Enjoy your daughter. As the mother of 12 yr old and 9 yr old girls, you'll get plenty of headaches without causing them yourself.

  momzcrazy