Hahahahaha, you really need to do research on religion, its origin, etc. God doesn't give two shits, just live your life and be happy... and yes the Witch Tower has screwed LOTS of people over in the past and currently with their LIES, and UNFULFILLED PROMISES!!
You seem sane. Just live your life, forget about Jesus never existed - show me proof he did outside the bible, and think logically about the whole premise of Yahweh, the OT, sacrfices, Jewish bias, etc. and you will see its a load of bullshit.