My favorite uncle passed away

DiscoSandy

Hi everyone - I don't post here often, but I need some help. I just received a letter from my (JW) parents, informing me that my (JW) uncle has passed away. He was my favorite uncle who could always make me laugh. I have great memories from my childhood of spending time with him and his wife (who passed away a few years ago). I'm married with 3 kids - my husband and kids have never been JWs. . . My parents have informed me in writing that our family can attend the funeral, but since I am disfellowshiped, nobody will talk to me there. (They will, however, talk to my husband and kids.) I was specifically told that I cannot share any memories of my uncle at the funeral. So basically, I can show up and pretend like I'm invisible and keep my mouth shut. I have decided that I'm not going to push the issue - I will not be attending the funeral with my family. I do not want my kids to see me being shunned - I don't think it's healthy for any of us to experience that . . .Instead, I will write down some of my memories of my uncle so that I can hold on to them and share them with my kids. What hurts me the most in all of this is that my children (and husband) have never been able to feel like they're part of a true extended family. Everyone on my side of the family are JWs. I have this constant feeling of guilt that I haven't been able to give my husband and kids an extended family. How do I get over that feeling? ? ? Thanks for listening.

nvrgnbk

No advice.

Just wanted to say that I'm sorry that you lost someone that you loved.

startingover

You have a PM

mouthy

My deepest sympathy my love. But when they say>pretend like I'm invisible ,,You should feel highly honered THATS what they say about my best friend JESUS!!!! And He came in 1914
I agree that it would be a disgusting thing for your family ( hubby & kids) to see Shunning!!! You would have to explain that "true love throws fear outside" & since they all (JW's) have only fear ,they cannot disobey the old men up at Brooklyn Bethel

Sad emo

My sympathy on your loss (((DiscoSandy)))

I think what you're going to do to remember your uncle is better than exposing your children to the shunning. Maybe you could visit a favourite place of your uncle's too? Or there's nothing to stop you visiting his grave/memorial after the funeral.

Seems a bit glib of me to say this, but try not to feel guilty about the 'lack of extended family' on your side - I think loved ones and children have more understanding and perception of what's really going on than we sometimes give them credit for

Peace and healing to you and yours in this time.

DiscoSandy

Thanks everyone for your kind wishes. It means more than you will ever know. It's hard for me to ask for help/advice - I always try to tough it out - but this time around, I really needed to hear from someone. Each of your responses touched my heart and gave me some great insight.

dogisgod

Hey DS. I am so sorry about your situation. It makes me want to scream. I too just lost my favorite Aunt. I flew to her funeral and cousins I had not been exposed to were fabulous to me, asked me to make a reading during the mass and it was way better then any JW borg commercial funeral I've been to. I think a nice reply to your parents via mail to explain how much you loved your uncle, anecdotal stuff, how sad that they choose to shun you at a time you need support and closure. Jesus NEVER shunned ANYONE, and to treat you so disrepectfully in front of your children and husband is unchristian and ungodly. Tell them you will never treat them in this manner and you forgive this choice that they made. (even if you don't...rub it in).

I really am sorry but this is just too mean.

bluesteel

i think you should go for me ONE THING IS CERTAIN I lvoe family whether i shall be disfellowshipped or not i would still talk to them and force them out i guess im a little crazy but still your blood is your blood and then they might realize there only sharing some words with you, honestly whats the worst that could happen thats just my perspective heck if a family member of mine disfellowshipped i would still talk to them at the funeral its for family's sake its as though there is no honor there must be honor

Vivamus

I am sorry for your loss.

Writing is a good way to express your feelings, and to retain your memories. Perhaps it will help you too, if you went to a beautiful place where you could read your letter out loud. Kind of a memorial service held by you - for your favorite uncle.

I understand your feeling of not wanting to subject your children to the shunning. But if you feel you need to pay your respects by attending the funeral ... You must go. The JW's may not talk to you - but that is of no concern, the funeral will be between you and your uncle. Perhaps you can find someon to watch over your children and just take your hubby with you. What ever you do - remember and make sure it is what you feel good about.

Marjorie

DiscoSandy, I am sorry for your loss. I am glad that you have fond memories of your uncle. It is astounding to see how cruel the rest of your family has become...deciding to deny you your rightful place to grieve at the funeral services - and all because of the Wild Beasts of Brooklyn. Jesus would never have behaved in such a manner.

My humble opinion:

I think that it is crucial that you realise that YOU are NOT the one at fault here. Even if you were DF'd. There is no biblical justification for this kind of behavior. None. What ever it was that got you DF'd, it's in the past now. I'm sure that you would have welcomed the understanding of your family; TRUE loving kindness (the kind that Christ displayed) really does work wonders. But it was THIER decision to shun YOU. I would try my best not to feel guilty. I understand that you want your husband and children to experience the joys of having an extended family, but you should remember that at the moment, your relatives are not exactly displaying the type of behavior that makes for warm, familial bonding. And the fact that they are willing to speak to your husband and children, but not YOU, YOU, who are the link that brings everyone together, is just plain RUDE. Remember that your family is operating under the influence of a cult. Conditional love. Do you honestly want your children exposed to such ideals...all the time?

Writing about your uncle will help as a catharsis through this most difficult time. These are YOUR memories -- no one can take them from you.

Whatever you decide, we will all be here for you. *huggles*

Marjorie

My favorite uncle passed away

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