mistaken email interception

by msil 19 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Angharad

  Hi Msil

  Sorry for what you are going through.

  I was in your wife's position a while ago, Simon had more or less left and made his mindup about things. I was convinced that he was just beliving apostate lies off the evil internet, also someone he worked with was telling him things about the society that I couldn't belive at the time.

  For a while I wouldn't listen at all, but he kept dropping little bits of information about things, and even though I insisted I don't believe it, it did start to give me doubts. As I couldn't help but think about what he was saying. I just couldn't admit it to him or myself.

  I was talking to my mum about it all, saying to her that I still belived, but looking back now I was just saying what I thought people wanted to hear, I was so scared about what would happen and what people would think of us. Also, although what he was saying was starting to make sense, I still kept thinking what if he is wrong. Maybe this is what you wife is most scared of too?

  In the end I convinced Simon to accept a shepherding call (so, yes it was my fault we got into the mess we did!) thinking they would sort him sort and answer his questions, but they couldn't. Strangely the way they treated him during the call and after was what convinced me to really look at what Simon was telling me.

  Only you know what will worked best for your wife, but its good that you have got your son thinking.

  Hope this helps a bit.

  Also, it may depend on the type of elders you have, but I know of a couple who have doubts, even though they still attend meetings, the elders were pressuring them to have a shepherding call. They got fed up with making excuses and just said No they didn't want one. The elders have grundgingly backed off and accepted this.
• 

  Frenchy

  BTW, I don't think that Prisca meant any harm in her comment about the e-mail. She was just trying to be helpful. Thank you for sharing that experience with us. I'm sure you'll be getting some useful suggestions from people who were or maybe still are in a similar situation.

  -Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it-
• 

  think41self

  Msil

  Everyone has already given you some excellent advice. I would only add that I agree while it is natural to be angry when you realize the lies you've believed your whole life...we all know that we don't respond to anger well, we just get defensive. So you can't talk about things that you get really passionate about...not yet.

  By asking her questions, and *gasp* encouraging her to think for herself, she will be able to make her own choice. Yes it is her decision, but you also have every right to try to help her see what it is she really believes. The trick is...to do it in such a way that she actually comes to the decisions on her own. Then you are not tricking or manipulating her like she is used to getting from the borg, even though she doesn't know it yet.

  Let us know how it's going buddy

  think41self

  Holy Flying Screaming Buddha, Batman!
• 

  Angharad

  Just to add after reading Frenchy's post

  Asking questions does work, I remember during one or our rows, Simon asked me a question (I can't remember what it was, he may be able to say), and it really scared me because I couldn't answer it. At the time I just made some excuse to change the subject, but it really made me start to think about why I couldn't answer him.
• 

  ashitaka

  Ang,

  When my dad can't answer one of my mom's questions, he just screams, "You're the devil!!!!!"

  hahahah:)hahahahaha
• 

  mommy

  Msil,
  How dare you intercept another's email and read it <gasp> LOL just kidding I understand completly how this happened and you explained yourself very well the first time.

  I often wonder about several members here who have unbelieving mates, and the struggle they go through. In a marriage communication and honesty is needed, but this situation is so different. I know we all can sympathize with you and realize the struggle you are going through.

  Active JW's are not ready to accept everything head on. They shut down, and alot of deprogramming is needed. On the UN issue I waited until last week before I told my mom they are no longer on the UN site. I have not even told her all I know about this situation, just droping little hints here and there. Because if I did, an instant excuse would be given and no further communication could be possible. Her reply to the WTBTS name being removed from the list? "Oh see! It must have been a mistake." When she first heard about it, she said it was ok for them to be there, but she knew in her heart it shouldn't be. So when I told her it was gone, she could be honest and say what she really felt about it.

  I realize that my mom is not my mate, and I don't have the same responsibilities with her as you have with your wife. But, I love her, and she has the same mind set as your wife. It is so frustrating at times, but I am able to walk away, you are not. I really feel for you and the others here who have to go through this.

  I hope the best for you, and your family. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things...Love never fails.
  wendy

  Blind faith can justify anything.~Richard Dawkins
• 

  Mum

  I agree with think41self that encouraging your wife to express herself her own way is the best strategy. Asking good questions from time to time (maybe Simon has some good suggestions for questions) that she can't answer and giving her time to think it over might also be good.

  In the meantime, creating a happy, upbeat, supportive environment for her and the entire family will help all of you.

  Best wishes,
  Mum
• 

  Farkel

  msil,

  If only one elder visits, it may indeed be a shepherding call. If two or more elders visit, expect it to be a fishing expedition to find a way to DF you. Don't underestimate the evil WTS policy on "absolute spiritual endangerment," either. Scumbag elders have been known to use this policy to frighten and convince wives to divorce their husbands, when they normally would have not done so.

  I would try to find out how many elders plan to visit you and plan accordingly. Don't be confrontational and don't tell them what you really know. I think it would be good to just say you've got a lot on your mind right now and need some time off to get yourself in order.

  Do everything you can to save your marriage, even if it means lying to those bastards. Call me if you feel like talking about it. Both AlanF and Amazing are two of those I know who are in the position to give you some excellent advice as they've been through it.

  Farkel
• 

  Simon

  One question I remember asking when Angharad was protesting that she still believed it was the truth was "so what is it that you believe?"

  I have a theory that put to the test, most JW's don't really know what they believe or what the current teachings beyond a few vague 'Jehovah is God, Jesus is his son' type things.

  This made her think quite a bit.

  There were times when I didn't tell her things and others when I made sure she heard something even though she didn't want to listen and tried not to because once you've heard it you cannot help but think about it.

  We had some arguments and it was a bit unpleasant at times and incredibly frustrating (esp. when you know so much info and someone you care about won't listen). The thing is to not give up - I'm glad I didn't as we are much, much closer now.
• 

  Tanalyst

  Can you have a friend stop by or call about UN issue, when she's around. You could try to defend the WT, and get her involved in their defense. Reserch on the internet together, she might see the lite.