Need some of your help

superman

I'm currently still attending meetings and am "considered" to still be in good standing. I've cut back on how much I go, because to be honest I really don't believe any of it anymore. Some of it I do still believe is true and legitimate, but most of it I feel is BS. I would rather just leave or DA myself, if the brothers knew only half of what I've done and been doing I would be DF'd anyway. I'm not "Anti-witness" I just feel like it's not for me anymore. The only problem is my family. I've got younger sister's who aren't baptized but in good standing and my parents are in good standing and baptized (My dad's an elder at another hall, in another town). I'm real close to all of the members in my family and even though they are not "Crazy" witness nut-cases like most of the others head cases I've gotten to know over the years. If I get DF'd or DA myself I will be labeled as an apostate and they will respect the arrangement and not associate with me. As much as I hate the WTO, I love my family and don't want to lose contact with them. I'm kicking myself for even getting baptized, becasue if I didn't get baptized and left they could/would still talk and hang out with me. But because I'm baptized I would be DF'd and labeled an apostate, and shuned by every one I know (Which doesn't really bother me, it's only my family that I don't want to lose). Any one else stuck in the boat as me? Any advice on what to do? Anyone else have this same experience? Thanks for your help!!!

Robert7

I am going thru exactly the same thing. I have just last week decided to fade as I also didn't belive any of it anymore.

I also am in the same position as you where I fear beign DF'd only because of association. So my advise to you is keep it low key so as to not arouse suspicion that could warrat DFing. This means don't voice your negative opinion to anyone. Just keep it low key and just attend fewer meetings.

looseend

Yeah, I just stopped going. I was DF'd then reinstated, for my dad mainly. After that I just stopped going. The elders did hear about some of the stuff I was doing which probably would have gotten me DFd again, I just lied. I felt at that point it wasn't for me so why did I have to answer to them. Now, it is obvious to other that are still active, that still know me, that I should have been DFd, but the truth of the matter is they are glad I am not so they don't have to treat me that way. The elders asked me after I stopped why I did RIGHT after I got reinstated. I told them it wasn't really for me at the time. They had nothing to DF me for so they didn't. that was seven years ago.

It might not work that way for you but the remaining family member that are still active continue to treat me fine, my brother on the other hand is DFd and although my parents do not treat him any different others do, and it is completely BS. It doesn't hurt the fact that only two members in my immediate family are still in.

Keep in mind though if you don't do something it will just continue to bother you. Nobody wants to live a lie or feel forced to do something.

looseend

I agree with robert. At first I just decided not to go anymore, but I was still somewhat in favor of the JWs, I was raised in it, it takes time. After a while though don't be suprised if you aren't so favorable. I mean the people that are still active that I hang out with from time to time, including family, all know that I am an athiest. In my experience though, they don't care. Even an elders in my old hall know that I smoke, drink and live my my girlfriend, but at this point I guess they just would rather ignore it.

momzcrazy

Welcome to all of you!!! Stick around, you'll love it here.

I suggest the fade, slowly stop service, then giving talks, then meetings altogether. It will take a while, but you may be able to salvage your family relationships that way. Or you could move and drop from the radar. Sometimes fading works, sometimes not. My sister ended up DAing herself because the elders kept bugging her. But I have just stopped going to my hall. I've even had up Holiday decorations and 2 sisters came to tell me about the one day assembly. See, I moved and never had my cards sent, so they don't know whether I am baptized or not. My mom refuses to speak to me now, so DAing myself wouldn't be that big of a deal. Especially since I no longer care what men think. Mom's in sister's hall BTW, about an hour away. I have a feeling it will all catch up with me, but that's OK. I have my husband and kids and extended family, and really great friends. I also suggest that; making friends away from the Witnesses, it makes the transition easier.

Good Luck,

momzcrazy

jgnat

Welcome faders, all! Faded is a great look.

megsmomma

It does seem that fading works for some...untill you deciede to do something you want to do that doesn't go along with their doctrine. (which doesn't really have any basis on living right...it's just their hard, fast rules) Then, if they want to boot you out, they can. I think it is hardest for "younger" people to take that route, because you may want a girl-friend, or you may want to go to a x-mas party. then, it all depends on who is "watching" you. There is no other answer though if you want to remain close to your family....and that really stinks. I sooo wish I could "take back" my childhood baptism too. I wish there was an easy answer....there isn't. Just remember....freedom is a wonderfull thing.

OnTheWayOut

You are ready to just walk away from meetings. If you cannot wait to fade quickly, then
give stopping entirely a test run. Fading doesn't necessarily mean a long-drawn-out process
of attending meetings a little less each month. If you want to stop cold-turkey, then do it.

If your elders (hounders) sincerely want to do their job of assisting you back to activity, they
might contact your parents. But history has shown that they won't do that. They will call
you for awhile and then give up. If you just stop, see how well everyone takes it. Don't
say that you don't believe it anymore. If questioned heavily, just say that you were on a
break, trying to think for yourself.

If there is a bunch of heat, then decide if you need to DA or if you can go to the occasional
meeting to keep hounders off your trail, or if you can take the heat.

This is just the opinion of one fader. I didn't stop cold-turkey, but close. I cut back on
meetings to just above 50% of TMS/Serv.Mtg and 50% of the Talk/WT and Zero % of the
bookstudy. At that point, no heat really coming- I just stopped. Still no heat. The process
took about 7 months and is still going well 9 months later.

I do have threads about debating what to tell my JW mother. That's tough. I leak things to
her a bit at a time, but it is reaching a point where more is needed to say. But I am not
DF'ed or DA'ed, so she can keep talking and eating with me, if she wants.

mouthy

Any advice on what to do?

My only advice is to fade.!!!! It is very difficult to lose family. My daughter( one of them) never went to meetings .or out in service , never said anything about not believing. She is NOT D/F.

My daughter that is a JW still calls her to chat.... Religion never comes up.So if you want to keep your parents just keep on loving em...But shut your mouth....BUT!!!!!! keep praying they will see the light....

Tuesday

You could take the direct approach, I didn't really fade I just stopped going. I don't know how your family is, but you could explain to them that you love them very much and do not want to lose touch with them. You could say you're having a problem understanding certain teachings and need to take a break for a while. That way you can fade, they know why you're fading and may even encourage you to take your time to come back. Once again I don't know how your family is, but everyone questions something at some time, if you give them the hope that you'll come back when you sort things out they might be encouraging and still talk with you.

Need some of your help

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