hard choice.......... fade and walk on eggshells for YEARS or straight out call them on their s*** and walk away with your head held high............ and probably lose your family to the cult.........
Need some of your help
by superman 13 Replies latest jw friends
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cognizant dissident
In your situation, I would recommend a fade. It worked me. You don't have to fade forever either. I faded for a couple of years due to genuine illness, but at the same time I wasn't believing any more. I just went to meetings once a month or so. Turned in a 1-2 hours service report which was from "incidental witnessing". After a couple of years, I got tired of even doing that and decided to just stop going and not put in any hours. By that time, everyone was used to me being "weak" and not there, they barely noticed. My husband was even allowed to keep his MS position because they really needed the help. Then a year later we moved and no one in the new congregation even knows me. Perfect fade and never even got an elders meeting.
I then decided I didn't want to pretend to my family anymore, so I told them how I really feel including my atheism. They were upset but still talk to and socialize with me at family gatherings. They never turned me in to a committee and my father is a PO and my stepmother is a pioneer. They do try to save me on occassion with a good witness, which is very unpleasant, but I hold my own, I think. I wouldn't suggest discussing any of your beliefs with your family or witnesses, though, unless you are prepared to accept the worst case scenario which is shunning. It took me a couple of years, but I decided I was willing to accept those consequences. So far, I haven't had to, although all my old witness friends have dumped me.
If they try to corner you and demand to know what you believe, just tell them you don't want to talk it about it right now. You are depressed and busy with work etc. Just make generic excuses, they don't even have to be lies, (everyone works and everyone gets busy, everyone gets down). You can never get df'd for those things. Do not tell them any personal df worthy things you have done or share your beliefs. This was the hardest thing for me to understand when I first left. I have no obligation to share my personal beliefs or personal behaviour with anyone unless I so choose, no matter how demanding they are being with their questions.
Hope this is helpful and you stick around. Welcome!
Cog
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superman
Thanks guys I guess I'm not alone on this. I'm probably going to just fade away, slowly. My plan is to switch halls. I'm going to go to the next closest congregation, which is a lot more laxed, and just slowly slip into the backround, and eventually just stop. Waited pisses me off about the WTO more then anything is the whole baptizism and DF'ing process. It's almost like a gang mentility (Once your in, your stuck for life). What they do is isolate you from everyone that isn't a witness, and then if you leave all the witnesses cut you off. So your screwed into thinking, that "the world", is this big, scary, terrible place. To be honest I wish I could just stop going cold turkey and tell the elders to Fxxx OFF. I've plenty of so-called "Worldly" friends, and my non-witness girlfriend is more loyal, honest, and less sneeky then any witness girl I've ever dated. The only problem is my family. I don't want to lose touch with my parents because of the Bull Sh*t WTO. And the f*cked up part about this whole thing is that I could be doing all of the exact same things I'm doing now, and if I wasn't baptized every body would treat as if I'm no different, and they would all be "buddy-buddy". But because I got baptized that how I got screwed. Thanks guys, for all your post.
How old were most of you when you decided this wasn't for you anymore.
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momzcrazy
As a few here like to tease me about, my husband wised up 8 yrs ago. I guess that means he was 26. I left 2 months ago with our 3 kids. I did the move hall thing. My mom isn't speaking to me even though I am not DF'd or DA'd. Husband did a successful fade after a public reproof for smoking.
momz