Troubling past few weeks...

bluesbreaker59

I've been DF'd since March of 2007, haven't been to a Kingdom Hall since Memorial, and haven't been to a regular meeting since about Nov. 2006.

My dad's whole side of the family cut me off, my one aunt and my grandma did completely. My other aunt and my dad are having a harder time with it. Dad was calling about every 2 months. My aunt about once per month. Lately though, dad has been calling weekly. Yesterday he called me twice, and talked for over 30 minutes each time, about my life, what I'm doing, and was just normal again with me. He asked about my band, and was telling me about some nicer places to play. He even told me that he really wants to buy me a brand new Gibson guitar to gig with!!! This was a huge shocker, none of my parents have ever even purchased even a set of strings for me. He told me how proud of me he was for being a great musician, etc. This was his 10th call or so in the last couple weeks.

I love talking to him, as he raised me and all, but its just so strange, after being cut off almost completely. I also question if there is some sort of alterior motive. I miss him like crazy, and want him to be part of my life. Because I know in the next few years I'll probably be getting married, having children, etc. and I want him to be part of that. I really hope this is an honest attempt at a relationship, but I have a bad feeling there is something more to this that I'm not seeing.

Thoughts?

Gopher

I'm DF'd and my parents might talk to me, oh, about once a year.

I'd say your fortunate to have your dad who is willing to be human with you. Enjoy it while it lasts! If any ulterior motives begin to surface, deal with them as they arise.

Gringa

Hard to say since I don't know your dad but I can relay my story....

I wasn't DF - 3rd generation and I walked away. My mom shortly realised that by shunning me she was missing out on her family. She started trying hard to have a relationship with me and my children. Afterall, we are her family.

After 25 years since I told the family that I am no longer a JW, we have a relationship still. She also knows that her only hope to win me back into the faith and get my children into it, is to have a relationship with us. Never a phone call or a visit goes by without some preaching in it, but truthfully, we are ok. And for that, I am grateful.

He is your father and you should do your best to maintain the relationship, if you love him. The worst thing that can happen, is that he turns his back on you, but you already know that is a possibility. So, what do you have to lose? By not giving him the chance, you may lose a lifetime of your father.

ex-nj-jw

Try to look at it in a positive way (I know, I know that's hard) but just try.

Maybe he can't tolerate cutting you off and will ignore the df'd policy. Maybe he just loves you too much to not have you in his life. Maybe he's thinking of the future and possibility of grandchildren and he wants to be apart of that.

I say take what you can get while he's giving it, enjoy it and use this time to show him you are not the evil, immoral, drunken piece of shit that the WTBTS would like for him to believe you are. At the same time I understand that you have to protect your heart just in case he has something up his sleeve. But I think you know your dad well enough to spot any insincerities (?spelling). I know my mom and when she starts to be nice I know something is up just because she has never been nice. So, use your judgement and take it slow!

(((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Merry Christmas,

nj

bluesbreaker59

See, my dad is as honest as the day is long. He's always maintained the same stance about me being the most important thing in his life. The one time we saw each other in person since my Df'ing was at my grandpa's funeral over the summer, and we chatted like old times. HOWEVER, we had the longest, most tearful hug ever that day before the funeral, both told each other how much we miss and love each other, and we were shaking when we were hugging. I love my dad unconditionally, but I shed a lot of tears already when he decided to cut me off. His words in February 2007, were, "Bluesbreaker, you know I love you, and I always will, but as an elder, I have to obey the commands. Our communication will have to be drastically reduced, and believe me I don't want to, it kills me to even have to tell you this. I love you, take care of yourself, don't go crazy and don't wait too long to come back."

I heard through the grapevine he was totally lost without me at the summer convention, my aunt told me he was walking around very down and depressed like he lost his best friend. My stepmom told her that he cried at the hotel every night. We've always had a very close bond, probably the closest father-son bond ever, honestly. We used to talk everyday, usually 2 - 3 times a day even.

Open mind

Such a loving "arrangement".

Keep it real. Enjoy each moment with him.

Maybe he'll "wake up" some day.

Open Mind

Gregor

Unless I missed it you didn't mention your mother. As others have said, I would take Dad's warmth at face value and respond to it normally. If in the future he calls in his bets so to speak, you will have a great advantage in explaining why you can't go back to the WT and that you want him to be a part of your life. You didn't mention why you were DF'd (and I'm not asking you to) but if it was for some sexual transgression, etc. you will need to address that with him (possibly accepting guilt) but that you have since learned a lot about the WTS, etc. Best wishes

Greg

mouthy

HOWEVER, we had the longest, most tearful hug ever that day before the funeral, both told each other how much we miss and love each other, and we were shaking when we were hugging. I love my dad unconditionally

That is wonderful... Just keep telling him how much you love him. You KNOW the WT has a hand on his mind so if he stops talking to you ....YOU know why. Its not because he dosn't love you.It is because he drank the invisable "cool aid"

God bless Thanks for sharing Mouthy

bluesbreaker59

Ah yes, Mom has been DF'd since I was 5. Her and I have a better relationship now than we ever have, and I never cut her off or limited my association once. Dad knows why I was DF'd, and yeah it was sex, actually I left for my then girlfriend, no surprise there, as the elders wouldn't free me from my ex after 2 years, and her cheating on me.

nomoreguilt

I, too have been df'd over the years, but was re-instated each time and have been fading ever since. After I was re-instated the last time, my younger son got df'd and divorced. I was never a servant, so unlike your father, I didn't fear reprisals for associating with him. However! having been in HIS shoes, I vowed that I WOULD NEVER TREAT ANY OF MY FAMILY AS THOUGH THEY DIDN"T EXIST! You see, I was and still am quite a rebel. A compassionate, caring, loving REBEL! Love your father with all your heart, you only get ONE in your life. By his talking to you, he is putting himself in jeopardy, that show's love on his part. Sometimes natural love has a tendency to over ride ANY organization's rules of conduct. Pursue your fathers advances toward you, don't step back from them. Nurture what he gives you, then at the opportune time fill him in on what REALLy goes on in the gb. Read the book, Crisis of Conscience.

Take care younger man

nomoreguilt

Troubling past few weeks...

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