If she has sexually abused them and mentally, and emotionally- you would be the deranged one to let her see them. The protection of your children comes first and foremost. End of story, period mark , exclamation point ! Take care of those kids dad, and protect them- you are all they got ! My advice, based on what you said in your thread . If she does any threatening to you or the kids wellbeing- get a damned restraining order P.S. I don't care how much she cries - especially if she is abusive , ya don't know if you can trust the truth of the meaning of those tears . Peace bud, good luck !
any thoughts?
by BIG D 34 Replies latest jw experiences
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Billy the Ex-Bethelite
My question is this, am i a bad man for not letting her see them?
I'm not your judge, so I'll only state my opinion based on what I read. You are not a bad man. Apparently the courts and professional counsellors agree that she should not be in contact with them.
She was an abuser, is still unstable, and could be an abuser again. On one hand, it may be okay for her to see them. However, it may be extremely traumatic for the boys to see her.
Consequently, I don't see it as an issue for her to decide. When your sons are mature and well-balanced enough to deal with seeing her, it will be their decision whether they do or do not want to have any dealings with her.
Like I said, it's just my opinion.
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BIG D
Thanks so much guys, i value your opinions, because i was married to her for 25 years,sometimes, i need someone elses viewpoint.
big d
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Hortensia
good god, man, protect those kids. She has lost any rights to them, and they are probably afraid of her. If you give in to her, they will feel as if no one wants to defend them. Who cares how she feels? How do your kids feel? Do they feel safe? Will they feel safe if they are exposed to her again?
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avishai
i had a counselor for the kids for 2 years, she says no, hell no!
Sounds like a good counselor.
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LtCmd.Lore
The ability to reproduce does not make someone a good parent.
As far as I can tell, you are well within your rights to keep her away from them.
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bikerchic
I can't help but wonder why you are even second guessing yourself with this? I do understand that sometimes we forget what evil looks like when we are so far removed from being that way. All I can say is man when you get to feeling like maybe she deserves to see the kids think back to the worse day they were in her care.......
As some have mentioned asking the kids what they would like, please don't! Kids all want a mommy and long for that and maybe even remember her at her best, but it would be a cruel thing to give them hope because she lost her mommy card the first time she ever abused them. Remember that.
Now go have a nice holiday and quit answering the phone when she calls, you owe her nothing! You do have the responsibility and privelege to make a nice life to your children.
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BIG D
bikerchic.................
Thanks for the thoughts,you are a very wise person, you are absolutely right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just needed a little readjustment on my thoughts this season.
and a big merry christmas to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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BIG D
And i just finished 2 homemade pies for tomorrow, a chocolate, and a cocconut cream, with merangue!!!
My kids are excited!!!!!!!
god bless all!!!!!!!
big d
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avishai
Yay BIG D
Thinking of you and yours...
I DO know how tough custody stuff is, I have primary, and it's mainly because her mom is a flake, not abusive, but....she does some things that are just not OK for long term visits...
Here's a post I wrote a few years ago about abuse when I worked at a group home. It's kind of a downer, and I was pissed off. BUT it gives an idea why kids should'nt be around abusive folks..
Wait to read if you're easily bummed, don't want to mess up anyones holiday, serious!