any thoughts? (page 3)

BIG D

avi..............

Thanks man, us dads gotta hang!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know what its like, i love every second of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

happy holidays!!!!!!!!!!!

big d

Hortensia

merry christmas to you and your family - I'm glad your children have you to rely on. Blessings!

SusanHere

Absolutely not!!!

Your job is to protect your children from any further harm. Your ex is harm waiting to happen.

We adopted two children from an extreme abuse situation. After a few years, much therapy and treatment, the children were doing well. Then the birth parents begged to see the children just once. So we made the journey to their home state, where the birth parents stole the children, terrorizing them. Luckily they didn't have them long. But the damage of that visit lasted for years. We never let them have any contact with the children again.

Don't be kind and soft hearted like we were... not in a case like this. We learned too late. No matter what, keep her away from your children. They've suffered enough.

SusanHere

chickpea

my thought is to err on the side of caution!

listen, mate... i moderate on a forum for adult survivors of CSA.... NO one EVER says "i wish i had been allowed to stay in touch with my perp"..... ALL of them decry the lack of genuine protection and support.....

that woman is NOT a mother!!! maintaining homeostasis in order to allow a zygote mature to viablity is the definition of an incubator!

she is a perp and will always be a danger to the physical, emotional and mental safety of YOUR children

please do not be manipulated

MissingLink

Sometimes you gotta be a hard-ass to protect the kids.

Gayle

I am a grandma (61 yrs old), I am most forgiving, somewhat partial to the mom-role,,however, absolutely don't let her see the kids,,let her cry,,your children need your security & and to see by your example that abuse of children will not be tolerated. When they are grown (over 18), then the kids can make a decision on whether they will want to see her again.

VanillaMocha73

I understand where you are coming from. My son's father is abusive and yet I keep hoping he will come to his senses. He has not done anything as bad as your ex-wife (I don't think - although more and more is coming to light about him.) However, I don't like to deprive my son of his father and at the same time I know it is bad for my son to have to deal with him. It is a hard line to walk!!!!

Maybe what will help is the experience of a childhood friend. We were both about 14 years old and he kept saying how he wanted to meet his bio dad, how life would be better with him, etc. (His JW stepdad was also abusive to him and his mother.) Well, he was taken to Texas to meet him and his bio dad was drunk at the time and it crushed this poor boy so much that I don't think he ever really recovered.

I think the best thing for my son, even though it will be hard to go through, is when the courts finally proclaim that my ex is unstable enough to be denied any visitation. It will hurt me to see my child go through it, but it is not me that has been violent, abusive and mentally unbalanced. It is not my son's fault either, but something that he will have to deal with at some point.

Protect those kids, even though it is hard!!!

ronin1

I think you should ask the following questions before making any decisions?

Do your children really wish to see or visit with her?
Has she been seeking mental help to address her many issues?
If she is suicidal, would she pose a danger to herself and your children if left along with her with unsupervised visits?

Will a visit with her really benefit your children?

Note: this decision should be based on whether this would benefit your children, not her.

Ronin1

BIG D

horts............

thanks so much for the thoughts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! happy holidays!!!!!

susan..........

WOW, that kinda happened 4 years ago, i let my oldest visit with her, he was back in 4 hrs, in tears, she had gotten drunk, and violent with him, thanks you for the well balanced and experience advise, i will keep them at home with me!!

big d

BIG D

chick.........

WOW, you are a wise person, and i will heed your advise, i will not be manilupated!!!!!!!!!

link......

I will continue to be a hard ass!!!!!!!!!!!!

big d

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