MIL is a JW (page 2)

momzcrazy

I'm sure llbh is right. Witnesses feel the need to justify and be prepared to explain why they don't go to meetings. Unfortunately, you are the scapegoat. I would be glad to be in the position, personally. If he did become more active, your whole life would change. Not an understatement. Stop encouraging him to go darn it! You're right. You can't force him to call his mom. And there may well be more to it, like you say. Some people, like me, luck out with Witness in-laws. My mil drove me crazy for years, but now my own mom is shunning me, and mil is mad at her. Family comes first to her and fil, period. Very refreshing in the world of the dubs.

Good luck!

momz

lisavegas420

Welcome Tika,

my husband has a sister that is a whiney butt. she only calls when she has something negative or sad to say. She's sick, someones in the hospital, some long lost great uncle from their childhood just died. she never has anything good to say, nothing. I told my husband from now on make her promise for every bad thing she calls about she needs two good things to tell him to go along with. She's got kids in college, she's got grandchildren, I think she can come up with something pleasant to say in a conversation.....well um, maybe not...she hasn't called in awhile, so maybe saying something nice is to much trouble.

Oh I know....maybe you could just cut your mil off when she starts the negative talk, and say, something like, "you're depressing me, let's change the subject."

just trying to help. again welcome.

lisa

tika

Thank you all for your replies!!

Lisa, that is a great idea, curtail all the negativity!! I like it.

Momzcrazy, I know you are right, it is hard for me to be a scapegoat, it give my MIL the chance to run her mouth about me behind my back, I can just hear her now...

"Oh, my poor boy won't go to meetings because his evil wife won't go" she doesn't have the nerve to say it to me or my DH, but she makes biting comments to his brother in front of my dear SIL, and has made similar comments about her in front of me (to my DH) so I usually give her a dirty look and she shuts up, but my DH does not understand why I don't care to be alone with the woman. She is very two faced and I have told him it makes me uncomfortable to be around her because she acts differently when he's not around. My SIL has the same issue with his brother, they try to force us to call their mom and spend time with her, they just don't believe she is that bad, yet neither of them wants to call or spend time with her. My MIL gets so jealous when my SIL and I do things together... she thinks she should be invited along, HELLO, SIL and I have alot in common, we're married to brothers, we have boys the same age, we are about the same age... plus we both have an annoying MIL, haha.... I just don't understand why she can't spend time with her own friends. The last time we did invite her and step FIL over she whined about how no one ever invites them over, so why would we!!!

AnnOMaly

Yikes, tika! It sounds a little like a branch of my family.

Needy and attention-seeking, yes. Unbalanced, definitely. A minefield for you to negotiate! A small thought - if your DH belongs to the same congo as your MIL, that'll be the real reason why he stays away (of course, nobody's going to say that and it's easier to blame you). I'm guessing her sniping and putting pressure on him all the time naturally makes him want to spend as little time in her company as possible.

Good luck LOL.

momzcrazy

I have an idea. Call her on it when she acts up. Say, "I'm sorry you don't like when sil get together. We really like each other and like to do things together". Or, "Well, we're having you over now so let's try to enjoy ourselves. Will you help me get .....ready for dinner." I tried to find things I did admire about mil, hard for a while. Then I tried to find the opportunity to compliment her on it. She's a great cook so I would ask her to make her great mac n cheese when they came over. But alot of things I've learned to just smile and nod my head over. In one ear and out the other.

momz

Snoozy

Well my jw Mil did something right..she had her son wrapped around her finge. He was always worried about her and wanted to go help her as much as possible...I alwys went with him after the kids were grown and helped also..but I found myself more and more doing the work and them two sitting on the porch talking about "The new world"...I felt like I had Loser on my forehead...

The final straw was when I was cutting her acres of grass (she lived on a farm) and they (Her and hubby) were sitting on the porch laughing at me . I later found out it was because I was going over the same area of grass a couple of times.What I was doing was cutting up the big chunks of grass that bunched up so she wouldn't trip over them when walking to the barn. Again there was that "Loser" sign...

She gripped about the grown grandkids never coming to see her so they (I) put together a BBQ just for her at one of the grandkids houses..hubby and I went and picked her up..(a three hour trip) when we got to my daughters house all the grandkids and their families (non JW's) were there with open arms..my MIL just parked herself in the corner the whole time..hardly talking to anyone.She was happier gripping about them not coming to see her then she was seeing them all.

Well my JW hubby died and I haven't seen or heard from her since. She had her jw daughter and her husband move from NY to come and live with her.I guess they are doing her bidding now....she wasn't too fond of her jw son in law...wonder if they killed each other yet?

Good luck with yours...I don't think I have ever talked with a jw that wasn't negative most of the time...having had been one for 15 years I still find myself being that way sometimes ...I have to stop myself...

tika

So sorry for your loss Snoozy, I can't imagine losing my husband. I can relate to trying to cater to MIL, I used to try but after hearing all the comments she makes about me behind my back, I don't try anymore!!

ex-nj-jw

Welcome to JWD tika.

Although my MIL is a Loyal dub - she is a wonderfull person. She really does love me and treat me like she gave birth to me and I would never trade her for another. I couldn't have picked a better MIL if I hand picked her myself. She has been more of a mother to me in the past 21 years of our marraige than my own mother has been in my 42 (almost 43) years of life!

Now, my poor hubby is not so lucky. My mother is a NUT CASE - she is crazy, she doesn't like him, never has and never will. But then again I don't think she even likes herself She certainly doesn't like me!

Anyway, sorry I can't offer any advise. I'm sure others will have plenty

nj

wednesday

tika

I am and have a MIL. she sounds like she really wants to be a part of your life . She sounds like she misses her son and is trying to include you and find ways to become a part of your life. She does not sound dangerous. I actually grew to enjoy the company of my MIL and we would do girl talk and all that. If you let her in and include her she might settle down. The cookies were just b/c she thought it would be something you would like.

Imagine one day you will be a MIL and try and put yourself in those shoes. now- what would you do to stay in your daughter/son's life?

IIf she were your mom would you feel differently? Try and think of her as a mom.

take care

MIL is a JW

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