I think I can relate to what you say, Tall Penguin. Growing up in the truth - with an ultra-zealous mother - taught me that the only legitimate anger was hers. Finally, at some point I recognized that every emotion is legitimate. Recognizing the emotions we have - especially the ones that are capable of controlling us - is vital to regaining emotional and mental health. My mother could never have emotional health again because she could never accept her own or others' strong emotions, therefore she continues to be controlled by them.
Anyone still have trouble expressing anger?
by tall penguin 27 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
oompa
When I finally did, they all said I must be bi-polar or some $hit......could not really be I had some anger issues about the truff.....oompa
-
watson
It's obvious to me now, that I did not have as much emotion/heart invested in the org as many here, even though I was raised in it. A lot of the anger I have experienced over the last 5 years comes from seeing the trauma the WTS has caused others (maybe I'm in denial). This forum has helped me deal with those anger issues. I see the damage, but I also see a lot of healing (movin' on) taking place.
-
tall penguin
Great comments all. Just off to work. Will reply later.
tall penguin (taking this day one conscious breath at a time) -
dogisgod
I think this is so common to all of us. You WILL be angry about things but never learn how to process it. Stuff it down and Voila....depression. Just look at the history of women in the world and see how wretched their existance has been. Then add the JW thing to that. Baaaad recipe. Not being in touch with your feelings also makes it hard to set boundries. I am working on that. I am soooooooo nice it makes me sick. I have become a freak magnet. I let the wrong people in. Things are changing though. I am weeding people out of my life and it's better. In part I credit you folks here for opening my brain instead of just judging myself.
Then there's the "you are simmering and it keeps building and then you blow way out of proportion to the situation". Then you feel really stupid.
As a witness you are always "reflecting on Jehovah". You know what? Jehovah can take care of him/her/it self. What a mind f..k that kind of load is.
I seriously doubt the people you dealt with are thinking about you right now. See how immobile we can become with that kind of thinking? You life becomes complete inertia.
Hang in there.
-
Abandoned
Hey Tall Penguin, I know where you're coming from. My MO after leaving the borg was to keep it all bottled up inside until I either wanted to kill myself or do something else that would sabotage me life. That is kind of what happened recently with me at work. I let a situation fester instead of standing up for myself. By the time I did stand up for myself, I backed myself in a corner and had to follow through on quitting or swallow my pride.
It does get better. But, you may need to see a therapist. I'm seeing one now. I don't know for how long, but I'm going to work through the issues I've never resolved and learn effective way to deal with these situations. I know we can both do this. It isn't that we're defective, it's that we haven't learned the right way to manage difficulties, or at least, some difficulties.
But while we may be behind, it doesn't mean we're out of the game. We can do this. We put up with one of the most dysfunctional religions on the planet today. Surely we have what it takes to find out what's broken, fix it, and fly high above our destructive past.
-
jaguarbass
When I escaped the Wactower back in 81 I had a lot of anger. I did put my fist through the wall. I bought a punching bag and took karate.
But the best thing for me, about my 3rd year out of the tower a coworker was arrested for urrinating in public. They said he did that because he was inebriated. Along with getting 30 days in the hole they sentanced him to a year of AA.
He became fanatical about AA and we talked a lot. He told me about peace and serenity.
He would always encourage me to go to AA meetings but I wanted nothing to do with meetings and was very suspicious of any group that would have me as a member.
I denied alcholoism vehemently. Truth is I could count on one hand the male witnesses I knew that would not qualify to be an alcoholic according to AA, and I new hundreds of witnesses.
I was very miserable and very angry and my friend was very happy and he would tell me he was happy because he was working the 12 steps, not drinking and going to AA meetings. And he told me he found a God of his understanding.
We both rode motorcycles so AA was a nice ride on a harley. My wife was still trapped in the tower so I had a lot of free time. I ended up going to AA for like 7 years.
I would always say in my mind, I am a recovering Jehobers Witness. While verbally I would say Hello my name is xxx and I am a recovering alcoholic.
I ended up going 5 years straight without taking a drink, and without taking a drink and working the 12 step aa program and attending meetings like twice a week, I had 5 years of serenity peace and Utopia out of 7. It took me 2 years to get my first year which lead to the 5 years.
During that period I was able to process my witness anger and lock it deep in the recessed vaults of my mind.
When I would work the AA steps, I would say in my mind I ask for forgiveness for the peoples whos lifes I confounded and confused by selling Wactower magazines too and studying the bible with. I asked for forgiveness for stealling peoples time and energy by encouraging them to attend Wactower sales meetings.
Those were probably 5 of the best years of my life back in the 80's going to AA.
But they say the good things you find at AA will take you back out if you dont keep working the program.
I started missing meetings and started having a beer here and there and before I knew it the anger and resentment and pitty was back.
To get over your anger, if your anything like me, and you are because you were a witness, takes a lot of therapy a lot of time and you have to keep at it.
They would say at the AA meetings it works if you work it, and that was true. The aa therapy of working the 12 steps worked.
So if you want some peace and serenity, you probaly could find it at an AA meeting. They pass a basket and most people put in a dollar back in the 80's so for me it was 2$ a week. I know Pyscholigyst in the 90's were charging like 300$ an hour. Both the pyschologyst and AA just sit there and listen while you talk. But at AA after you talk you listen and hear how others have dealt with their anger and resentment and you pick up life skill tools, put them in your pocket and use them. Thats part of finding peace and serenity.
I have a wall of books, a whole section of self help I would also recommend your Erroneous Zones by Dr. Wayne Dyer. You can probably pick it up at the used book store for a dollar, That book also can help you process your anger and get over being a witness.
What several used to say at the AA meetings was if you dont believe what I'm telling you and you dont want to do it yourself, then suffer, you bastard.
Parting shot. Some who have studied your topic of anger conclude that humans only have 2 basic emotions.
Love and fear.
Anger is an emotion that covers your fear and stops you from experiencing love in your life.
You have to get rid of the anger to get rid of the fear to find the love peace and serenity.
The 12 steps can do that. But they take time. You didnt end up in the mess your in overnight, and theres no quick fix to dump all your wactower baggage overnight.
When the student is ready the teacher appears. I've tried to show you one way to the lesson or the teacher.
In my opinion the 12 steps will treat bi-polar and anxiety without drugs.
Many, maybe most will opt for the drugs because its a quick fix and 12 step meetings are time intensive, they are like therapy.
Since I stopped going to AA in the 80's. I spent a 5 year period on paxil.
Paxil worked, but its not the natural high, peace and serenity of working the 12 steps in a group. And drugs have side effects.
What paxil did to me was slow my mind and body down to the point I didnt have troubling thoughts or anxiety. And I only had to take a very mild dose of paxil to achievve that like 5 miligrams a day.
But I got off it after 5 years. And you cant just quit, I tried quitting in my 2nd year cold turkey and I was sick for 3 days I couldnt even stand up I was so dizzy. I went back on it for 3 more years then weened myself.
I got off it because I didnt like the idea of being addicted to something that if I quit I couldnt even stand up.
26 years have passed since I escapped the tower thats a lot of water under the bridge. I've just told you how I passed those 26 years and dealt with my wactower induced anger. 26 years latter the anger is not as strong but its still there. Time is a healer. But you need a method or therapy to pass the time.
-
cluless
This is probobly not politically correct. It also goes against all I belive in raising my child. But on one occassion when (He was 2 years 9 months) and being completly impossible . I was playing billiards and he kept deliberatly reaching up to the table and displacing the balls. Anyway the first and last time I gave him a smack. It worked and he has never done it again. But I felt terrible even today 3 months later. Funnily enough Orlando is now in the bad habit of running out in to cars and dangerouse things. If I could stop this with a smack I think it is justified. I just cant do it.
-
momzcrazy
No, I do not. I did when I first left home at 19. I was so suppressed I got hit so hard I flew into the wall for rolling my eyes at my mom. So, when I got married I kind of went crazy with expressing my feelings. I have leveled off after 16 yrs. BUT...I did have to get pulled out of a bar fight. I got angry because the guys that were fighting spilled alcohol on my new shirt.
momz
-
The Lone Ranger
No I do not have trouble expressing anger and if you ask me once more I’m gonna spank your butt woman! But on a serious note I think expressing anger for the right reason is normal, in fact I won’t know if someone is a real friend until I’ve had a disagreement with him, then seeing how we both sort out our differences will show if we were ever really friends.