I cared, and helped as much as I could.
changeling
Honestly, Did You "Care" So Much About The "Friends"?
by minimus 24 Replies latest jw friends
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MsMcDucket
That's one of the reasons that I disassociated myself. I didn't have love for the whole association of brothers and sisters. I highly disliked quite a few of them! I knew that God was going to get me for that. I was a goat; might as well admit it and get out.
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WTWizard
Up to the point when they methodically removed anyone that I actually did care for. Once it got down to all space fillers, and I was supposed to care for them as those they removed, I no longer gave a fxxx what they were going through or if they needed something I was in a prime position to supply. They have to learn the lesson that, when you strip anything that might have made the meetings more worth going to, pretty soon I am going to turn against them.
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Gopher
I was the kind who would give the shirt off my back for you. Once when a couple from my book study group lent their car to their two sons, who then got in a serious crash, they called on me at midnight (out of anyone in the hall) to take them downtown to the hospital (because obviously their car was now a wreck). Fortunately their boys weren't seriously injured. They sent me an appreciation card later.
I was one who would have people over to my place a lot. Once in a while, I'd get an invitation back. But mostly not.
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FreedomFrog
I baby sat many of the "Friends" kids early on. We even would go and pick up this elderly man for the meetings until he finally passed on. We stayed at this elderly couple because both of them were so sick. While I spent the night with them to help, a mouse ran across me while I was "sitting". I remember thinking, poor them, they need someone to help them clean because this may be part of their problem. They were too sick to clean and their house was beyond filthy. I cleaned for them as best as I could.
I had a few "best" friends but they dropped me like a hot potato the moment they found out I was no longer going to the meetings.
At one point I was in a position to help in a monetary way and would treat certain ones out with a very nice restaurant night. For a long time I made sure my parents phone bill was paid for. My parents don't even call for the grandkids...so, no, not much love.
~Froggy~
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flipper
Yeah, I did truly care about others. I was never a person to be in cliques though - I treated everyone with the same respect, did not play favorites. Sure, I had some friends perhaps closer than others, but a couple of my close buddies died , so it made me not take relationships for granted, and taught me to appreciate what everyone brings to the table. I have always been a pretty active, busy person, so if others didn't notice me much- I just figured they are busy with their lives too ! We all have our lives to live. Life is too short to sweat the small stuff ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper
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SnakesInTheTower
I did care. I probably spent more time with the older ones than anyone. Never regretted it. I still get calls from them once in a while, mostly because they hear I am not going to meetings anymore. I have had to stop taking the calls. It breaks my heart to lie and give them hope that I might go back, when I know I will not. So I don't answer anymore.
I tried to reach out to the kids when I was an elder, esp the teen boys in the congo that I was afraid were going down the wrong path (not just "spiritually" {gag}), but in other ways. So I would take them bowling, movies, etc. Funny thing happened: when they got their drivers licenses and cars, they no longer needed Brother Snakes anymore. Their phone calls to me stopped. Oh, they still went bowling, movies, etc. Just not with me. So what they wanted was a chauffeur and a car, not a friend. And don't tell me thats "just kids". Bull$h*t. That's bad parenting...little ingrates...I was the parents "free babysitter"..while they went off and did adult things (going to dinner, concerts, listen to music, etc) that I would have enjoyed doing with them (as the parents were my age)...and I never got invited by the parents to do anything either....and dont hear from them now.
When I went on "shepherding calls", it was because I was truly cared, not just because they were "missing meetings"....but because they were "missing" period. I didnt beat them over the head with a watchtower. Of course, I always had a bible and an article that was encouraging {I was well meaning at the time ...} ..but only pulled it out if it was appropriate and not browbeating. I would say 90% of the time, the article stayed in my pocket, and the Bible only came out for a verse or two....mostly from Psalms to encourage the sick and discouraged. Do I hear from those same people now...those I spent hours and hours listening to their complaints and worries? NOPE. I don't blame them though....their lives are a mess and they are getting no help or encouragment from the BOE there.
Never again. Not in the cult. I can find ways to help people without being a dub.
Peace.
Snakes ()
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minimus
Ms.McDucket, you are brutally honest.
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TheSilence
I was never in as an adult so never had too much I could do for people, but I would say I cared for them as much as any child cared for non-parental adults they saw 3 times a week.
My dad, on the other hand, cared for everyone. At least once a week he took someone to dinner. There were 3 teenagers who had become witnesses when their parents did not, my dad basically adopted them, picked them up for meetings, took the shopping for meeting clothes, drove them wherever they needed to go because they were doing the right things in their lives and needed encouragement. He has put roofs on for various people. He is very generous with his money, even when he doesn't have it.
Here is the down side. He did this to the detriment of his family. Those three kids he adopted were treated better than I was. I remember one time when I was 16 and one of them was 17. My dad had agreed to drive me to work because there was about 2 feet of snow on the ground. This other girl called and told him there was a cd she wanted to get at the mall and could he give her a ride. He forgot that he was supposed to drive me to work and I ended up having to walk through the snowstorm. People don't stop and offer rides anymore because it's just not a safe thing to encourage but the weather that day was so bad that several stopped and offered me a ride to wherever I was going. And it wasn't that I had to walk through the snow... it was that my dad, yet again, had put someone's *wants* before my *needs*. Even now as an adult he has no time to call me and tell me what's going on with his cancer, or if I call him and by some odd fluke of luck he actually returns it and I try to meet him for lunch... I can't tell you how many times I've sat in a restaurant and been stood up by my own father.
It's one thing as an adult.. but as a child to be so far down on the list of priorities in a parent's life is just wrong. He is a very generous and caring man and I love and admire him for that. I only wish he was as generous and loving with his own family. Because, you know, earlier this year when he had a major surgery that he wasn't even expected to live through and had half his neck and shoulder removed, for all and intents and purposes... it wasn't all those people he was good to who sat by his bed every hour they could be there just in case he wanted or needed something, it wasn't them that went out and bought the things he needed and brought them back. A *few* of them visited, but they weren't *there* for him. Even his current JW wife spent as little time as possible there and couldn't be bothered to pick up some pajamas that he wouldn't have to pull over his head.
Anyway, I've meandered on and on and gone quite off topic, sorry about that... but it's good for me to get that out every now and again so I appreciate your patience and indulgence... and, I don't know, this topic just kind of struck that thread with me and led me there.
Jackie
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minimus
Jackie--- Thanks for sharing your personal experience with us.