My conscience

by civicsi00 19 Replies latest jw friends

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  civicsi00

  Hello everyone!

  I've only been on this forum for a short while, but I love it here! I have a question for everyone.

  First of all, about a year and a half ago, I got on the internet to search for some JW forums. I didn't find any right away, but what I did find was information about the WT and all of its inconsistencies. Ever since then, I've been fighting a battle inside my mind. I know now that the WT is NOT God's organization. But it's a constant battle. I grew up as a JW all my life (third generation), but I was not the type to "seek out more privileges". I was never fully brainwashed BUT the fear that I was going to die at Armageddon was instilled in me ever since I was little. I did get baptized in 2002, but have been fading for over a year now from my local KH. I bought CoC, and I'm halfway through it. It's a great source of information.

  Anyways, well, let me get to the point. I'm currently inactive, and I don't want to diassociate because 99% of my family is still in. My conscience, however, does not allow me to continue withholding all of the information I know about the WT. Do any/all of you feel that way? I WANT to tell my mom everything I know, and I've started to, but I'm afraid how far I can go. Every once in a while, a "brother" will tell me to continue going to the meetings because that is our only means of salvation. I WANT to tell him what I know, and everyone ELSE, but that's only going to mean that I'll be dragged into a judicial committee. How do you guys cope with wanting to tell everyone everything?

  Thanks for any advice...
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  poppers

  Hi, I just want to welcome you to JWD. You've come to the right place; there are many here who can answer your question, and I'll leave it to them since I've never been a dub. Again, welcome...poppers
• 

  Satanus

  I felt that way, too when i first learned the truth about the truth. Part of it is the desire to tell others about something new and amazing. Another part of it is the wt training, that we should be preaching our beliefs to others, that we need to save others, in this case, jw's from the wt religion.
  
  In deciding how far you want to go in this, you need to wiegh that desire against the repercussions that you will face. Noone is excepted from dffing/loosing everything. Friends that you have grown up w WILL shun you, if you get labelled apostate or get dffed. Family probably will, too.
  
  Due to the above factors, i believe that it's better to sit on new things that we learn, for a few weeks. That waiting period will allow you to work in other factors into your actions, and also perhaps change your views further.
  
  S
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  dinah

  Sit tight for now, and wait for the perfect opportunity. If the tower does fall, there will be alot of people needing help spiritually. Get close to your Creator. Take the opportunity you have been blessed with to do research and build a relationship with God without the Tower's interference. You will get a much clearer signal.
• 

  VoidEater

  Welcome, civics.

  After 40+ years of listening to how closed minds cannot receive information, I am very comfortable in waiting for the right opportunity to present itself. The best message given to closed ears makes no impact, and only causes anger.

  Sooner or later, opportunities present themselves. People express their own readiness, their own questions, their own concerns. That's the time to support their questioning and concerns. Sometimes they're ready for a lot of info, sometimes they're only ready for a gentle supportive nudge that opens the door for later.

  Sometimes they overcompensate later and go into denial about what you've said, or demonize you for apostate words. That's the same kind of risk we're all familier with going out in the field service, so it's not completely unfamilier terriroty, I suppose.

  But until the student is ready, the master cannot do much.
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  changeling

  Welcome!

  If you think you can approach your mom w/o being rejected than do so, but with caution. Mention a thing or two every now and then in a casual manor. Gauge her reaction before telling more.

  As for the "brothers", you're better off keeping quiet, unless you don't mind being DF'd.

  Remember, when someone is not ready to hear the truth, they will reject it and you will suffer the consequences.

  It's hard, we are programmed to help others by exposing falsehoods and now that we really know the "truth" silense is our best friend.

  changeling
• 

  DT

  Welcome, there are many here who can relate, including myself. I left quickly, but if I faded I would have liked to try casually mentioning objections heard in the ministry (like the pedophile scandal, UN, etc.) and ask people how they would respond to it. It could be the first time they have heard about it and it could plant a little seed of doubt. You could judge their reaction and decide if it's worth saying anything else.
• 

  Mincan

  How do you guys cope with wanting to tell everyone everything?

  At first, I felt as you did.

  Now, when a witness wants to talk to me about coming back, I give them their time to say all they want to say and I'll agree with them from their point of view. It really doesn't bother me what they believe. If they want to argue doctrine, I might get into it a little with them, but with a pretty laid back attitude, I must restate, I could really care less what someone believes as far as this cult is concerned.

  I only told my mother my reasons for leaving once. That was it, and it was right around the time I left. I never give her more reasons that I have found later that have reinforced my decision (really I don't need anything anymore anyway, so it all works). We both agreed early on not to talk about it with each other, which is fantastic and I'm very fortunate for that (it still didn't help my transition period at all though).

  I haven't talked a JW personally since about half way through last year, I found myself even then when I was in my indignant mode to not care about it too much, even though I was reading Dawkin's God Delusion right in front of him at a circuit assembly. The reason being that I already know pretty spot on what they are going to say. You have this ability too, we all do. This makes debate with witnesses very boring. I can already tell what direction their brain will go once I say something, because I used to argue evolution, etc with bright schoolmates, etc (it use to disgust me when I thought back, now I just get a chuckle with them), and I was very schooled in JW creationism/logic [oxymoron]/etc, moreso than the average witness. For example at the age of 15 I was researching archeology from secular sources to confirm WT documents, and had probably memorised every important biblical event with it's calender year (example 1513 BC for Israelite exodus - not confirmed in other sources of course). I was doing this because I was into history with a passion and was creating RTS game campaigns based on Israelite conquests, etc. (Age of Empires was fun!) I was also learning about their proof for the flood and antidiluvian water canapy around the same time. Like the scientific stuff I liked to learn about I found out most witnesses didn't care less about. They were more concerned with how bible doctrines fit together (no wonder, that stuff could be moulded moreso).

  This is how I deal with it: I just don't care. I hope this helps. I realise my mother and the people I care about most in this thing are the ones that are really sincere. Their sincerity causes another hurdle to overcome, they will see the evil in the world and it will overwhelm them. They are the ones that would stay in just for friends and be happy doing it. My mother will always be in this organisation. I accept that. Probably only because in my case it doesn't stop her from missing me so much she still talks to me. If I were baptised and had been shunned, I might be more angry. I'm sorry if you will have to go through this, as you are baptised. I have a pretty good hunch my mother would still talk to me even if I was baptised, as she was raised in an Italian family that considers blood stronger than anything else. I wasn't raised in this family, but I'm a part of it now, and it's a shock to my system. Adjusting.

  Good luck!
• 

  primitivegenius

  welcome civic........... this is the right place for you.

  without knowing your situation i think you need to ask yourself some very important questions.

  if im living with or relying upon finacial support from any jw......... can i make it on my own without them.

  you think you know vaguely what your parents might do...... so did i...... as long as i was just inactive they were ok with talking to me........... now that they asked the right question and i told them i was going to another chuch...... cut off. these were people who talked to me EVERY week..... and im completely cut off.

  ask yourself if you have an OUT.... meaning can you move where no one knows you, preferably out of state. prehaps take a job there or go to school....... distance makes it seriously easier.

  ask yourself..... can i deal with being disfellowshipped..... and do i know that they are COMPLETELY FALSE.

  you know minicans right.... the words that come out of their mouth...... youve heard it all before and you can probably predict EXACTLY what they are gonna say.

  fact is... they preach out against all sorts of religions...... pointing their fingers at the pedopiles in the catholic church, and the politics that some churches get into............ yet they have peds in their ranks that they protect..... and they were active members of the UN for a damn decade...... hypocrits completely. if they say get out of her(babylon the great) lest you share in her sins............. same can be said of them.

  my conscience wouldnt let me remain...... but i KNEW it was a waste of time to speak to my family about it.........i hoped that my life away from them would reflect gods blessing and make them curious and that i could exploit that by chipping away at their false religious cults teachings.

  things is....... they will probably want you to meet with the elders....... and "get help". fact is they WONT help you...... they will simply take your questions as proof that you are already lost as an appostate....... if the questions you had COULD be answered the elders would be able to answer them in half an hour. instead they will put you off and consult the society and df you.

  the elders dont have the answers.......... the society WONT give them to them because if they did the elders would leave. they CANNOT admit that they serve a man made organization................ so they will NEVER have the answers.

  pray for the best....... and prepare for the worst...... ironicly it was my bible trained conscience that FORCED me to get out of her........... so at least i had that.

  to fade is long and drawn out........ you can string them along for YEARS......... still associateing with them occasionally, or you can DA which i dont recommend as it shows that you are answering to their authority...... and they truely have none over you.

  DA or DF'ed the announcement is the same............. civic is no longer one of jehovahs witnesses.... end result... same..

  i faded untill my fam gave me no choice and i told them off.......... funny thing is they didnt report me....... they just pretend it never happened.......... but they wont speak to me and when i visited other family ("worldly") they wouldnt eat with me. otherwise nothing............ fortuantely tho i only have 5 members of my family in the cult........ and i got plenty of quality people in my "worldly" family who love me.

  i would recommend that you try and make as many friends at work or at school as you can. will give you some support when the jws all leave.

  best of luck bro best of luck
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  nomoreguilt

  EEEYUP! Welcome civic, and ditto to all of the above.These are some purdy savvy folks in here. They won't lead astray. The truth will overcome the truth. Just reason on your situation and discern who your true clos friends in the borg are.

  NMG