Self Affirmations

by joelbear 12 Replies latest jw friends

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  joelbear

  I again hit some new lows last week personally. The struggle continues. I thought I would post a few affirming thoughts from my life and welcome others who are struggling with the same issues I am to do the same.

  In high school, I was the weird kid. I joined several clubs and worked very hard in each one of them to overcome my status as weird kid, helping to pull things together, always showing up for meetings and projects. I was especially gifted in coming up with slogans for "spirit signs" that went up all over the school during football season. My club, the Foreign Language Club, won the trophy for best signs all four years I was in high school. I was an honor graduate and editor of the high school yearbook my senior year. I had a flair for writing and for page design. I was also talented in Math and was selected as one of 400 students throughout the state of Georgia to participate in the Governor's Honors Program, a summer program for accelerated students to do concentrated study in their area of choice, mine was Math. I was also on our school's Academic Bowl team and did quite well. I did all this without the encouragement of my parents. In fact, I did it in opposition to their wishes. When honors night came my senior year, I was passed over for most of the larger honors in my class and was deeply hurt. I look back on it now and can see my pattern of looking for approval from others rather than being satisfied with my own accomplishments. I accomplished a lot on my own while living in a very sick household.

  I would enjoy hearing others stories of accomplishment in the face of hard times.

  Lets help each other in the affirmation process.

  take care

  Joel
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  Sirona

  Joelbear,

  I was really glad to read that you pursued your goals despite lack of encouragement from your parents.

  I wasnt that strong, when I was 16 and was deciding what study to do next. Rather than doing what all of my teachers said and pursue Alevels then a Degree, since I was one of the highest achievers in my school, I took a diploma in administration (which would lead me to work in an office job at most). This was OK, and I completed the diploma in 1 year rather than 3. The JWs encouraged this, as did my JW family. I got an office junior job.

  Then, when I was still attending JWs years later (when I was in my 20s) I decided to do an Alevel in psychology. I realised that I WANTED to learn more, and I didnt want to work in an office job forever! (I was already progressing well at work though, having had promotions and raises, and gaining lots of experience with computers - the company trained me and sent me on courses too!). So I did an A level in psychology, much to the dismay of the JWs who hate this "worldly thinking". I was told I was talking about it too much, etc. Anyway, I passed the A level with the highest mark in the college, and proceeded to start my Degree, whilst working full time (doing 2 evenings per week at college). I have now left JWs, and most of them point to the influence of my worldly education as the cause!!!

  Most of all, leaving Jws has been emotionally and spiritually uplifting for me. However, I look forward to having my degree in psychology, and pursuing more study from there.

  My career has improved too, Im now working in Marketing for a computer software company, and I also visit our customers and train them to use the computer software. That came about because I got more focused after leaving JW - and I had more time to devote to the company.

  Happiness is the most important thing, and making success for yourself is not wrong in this life if you balance it.

  Sirona
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  Englishman

  Sirona,

  Brilliant! My Everlovin' commenced college at age 37 and took her A level in psychology so that she would be accepted at uni. She took a sociology degree at the West of England and got her BA, then she went on to get an MA at Bath Spa.

  Englishman.

  Nostalgia isn't what it used to be....
• 

  Billygoat

  Joel,

  I struggle with self-affirmations myself. Your post hit home with me last week, because I understand depression so fully. Yes, I believe some of it is genetic - depression runs strong in my family. But I also believe my JW background had a lot to do with it. All the negative talk and discouragement from "becoming part of the world" is enough to make ANYONE depressed/suicidal.

  But there are times when I have to totally get out of my heart (emotions) and think only with my head. I start listing things I've overcome in my life, survived in my life, accomplished in my life. When I look at those things in black and white on a piece of paper, it makes it so much easier for me to be gentle with myself. I try to imagine that I was talking to a friend that experienced a life like mine. I would be loving, gentle, compassionate and encouraging. Then I try to treat myself with that same attitude.

  Some of the things I've survived?

  A physically/emotionally/mentally abusive childhood. Being 16 years old and told by my father to "strip down" for a "spanking". It was a humiliating defense on my part to cover my body while he slashed a leather belt across my legs, butt, and back.

  Being raped by a friend's boyfriend at the age of 13. I was at a party drinking with some "worldly" friends. I thought this was God's way of punishing me for being disobedient.

  Some of the things I've overcome?

  Low self-esteem. Suicidal thoughts. Rage, anger, and bitterness towards others in my life. Hatred towards my parents for the pain of choosing me over their religion.

  ...okay. I'm still trying to overcome some of this.

  Some of the things I've accomplished?

  Repairing a relationship with my ex-husband to the point of actually being friends. We don't talk to each other often, but when we do it is always with love and happiness. We reminisce about the good years.

  Going to college - I don't have my degree, but managed to get a few courses under my belt. Plan on going back again someday.

  Getting invaluable work experience. Without a degree it's hard to move up the ladder in today's work force. I managed to get several jobs where my leadership saw my skills and potential and wanted to strengthen them. Today I have a job that pays me more money than I've ever made and gives me a lot of freedom in my schedule.

  I've found a nurturing man to experience life with that doesn't let my past get in the way of the present or the future. He doesn't understand my JW history, but accepts it and knows it's a part of what makes me "Me" and loves me even more for it.

  I have learned to be a more patient, loving, compassionate person because of my bad experiences. I realize that when a person is feeling or thinking something that I don't understand or don't agree with, it takes more communication to get to a comfortable point with them.

  Joelbear - this is an awesome thread. More often than now, typing all of this down helps me heal and remember I am valuable, if not to others, then at least to myself!

  Love,
  Andi
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  Mum

  Wow, Joelbear, you're a dynamo!

  I still consider myself an underachiever, but I have surpassed anyone else in my family by a long shot. My mother was only 16 when I was born. I had a physical handicap, and my mother, who really judges people on their looks, had a lot of issues with it. Fortunately, she gave me to my grandparents for the most part until I was 11 years old.

  Unfortunately, when I was in 6th grade, I had to go live with my parents in another state, away from my grandparents who really did love and nurture me. I went from a relatively secure, happy situation to a violent, scary one -- from rural life to city slum life, from a quiet and gentle household to a noisy, drinking, up-all-night card-playing, cursing household. My sister, brother and I were beaten with a leather belt if we inconvenienced our "parents" (sperm and egg donor) in any way (e.g., stepping in front of them while they were watching TV, breaking a glass, etc.)

  My mother had a sort of rivalry relationship with me. In high school, I won the top student awards in French and in Shorthand, not because I put special effort into these things, but because I was gifted in them. There was no studying in that contentious, brawling excuse for a home.

  I became a JW "publisher" at age 15, and was baptized senior year (age 17). As a senior, I was pretty much making the honor roll consistently. I was the first in my family to graduate from high school except for a couple of cousins.

  My parents wanted me to go to college because they thought I was too ugly to get married. My sister is very bright, but college was not encouraged for her. I did go to college for 2 years, but my academic record was patchy because I had trouble concentrating and a lot of guilt about being in college.

  I left the JW's in 1979. I took a low-paying clerical job and have gradually obtained my college degree and have a pretty good job now. I intend to get a master's degree in library science. I am going to night school to become a court reporter as well. I am going to seminars at the local university toward a certificate in public management.

  My boss tells me that a promotion is on the horizon, so life is good.

  BTW, I have been married twice, the first time to a JW (basically not a bad guy, though I consider him borderline developmentally delayed / seriously mentally challenged). After I had been free of dubdom for about 4 years, I married a very handsome, charming Phi Beta Kappa. It was great except for the fact that he was an alcoholic and over the 9 years we were together, the progression of that disease along with his refusal to get help made it impossible for us to stay together. We're still on friendly terms.

  As I learn more about myself and others, and as I learn different attitudes, life gets so much better every day.

  Regards,
  Mum
• 

  MegaDude

  Joelbear,

  I have to say I never thought I'd be where I am today. I floundered in school. I was smart, but I didn't care about grades. Why should I have? My JW extremist mother constantly told me Armageddon would arrive before I would ever graduate from high school. I believed her completely. As a 5th grader, I remember going out in service at night to "save" more people instead of studying for tests or doing homework. When I hit my junior year in high school, I knew I'd better get my shit together and make something happen fast. Not easy to do when you're a 16 year old JW extremist nerd. LOL.

  Today I'm a court reporter, and quite successful in my field. Although it is not the field I would have chosen given a balanced upbringing, I make more money than most college graduates.
  Looking to get into something new. Haven't found that new niche yet, but I know I will. I feel my proudest accomplishment is to have had the guts to walk away from the JWs when I was having the best time of my life there, and I mean walk away from people I loved very much for the sake of doing what was right. Nothing made me grow stronger, wiser, more self-confident, and more compassionate for other people than exiting the JWs. This wisdom, although hard gained through terrific depression, sadness and tears, has served me well in all areas of my life. And it just gets better and better.

  "The God that comes before skepticism may bear little resemblence to the God that comes after."

  M. Scott Peck (The Road Less Traveled)
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  joelbear

  Thanks all for sharing in this thread with me.

  At the end of my senior year I had fully planned on escaping off to school somewhere. I had several scholarship offers. However, things on the homefront were piled just too high for me to overcome them.

  My dad was drunk every night. My mom was desperate for me to become the spiritual head of the family. She got emotionally upset everytime I mentioned college. My dad became angry and abusive to her and I whenever the subject came up.

  So, instead I went to work at a bank. When my best friend left for Bethel the next year, I was determined to follow him. I started pioneering immediately and found out that I was a good organizer of people and very good at conducting Bible studies. I was soon invited to Bethel where I worked in the subscription department and was active in my congregation in Port Jervis New York. I did my work well, often getting notes of encouragement from the sisters who proofread my typing. I admitted I was homosexual and was immediately sent home where I started pioneering again. I usually had 6 or 7 Bible studies at a time. I really enjoyed teaching. I had always wanted to be a teacher. I was very active at the meetings and in the congregation. I spent a lot of time encouraging the brothers and sisters at the hall and getting to know the children at the hall. I have always been really silly, so the kids liked me and they liked the fact that I paid attention to them.

  This went on until I was 23. One night my dad came home drunk and said that if I wanted to keep living at home and pioneering I had to go to work for him washing semi trailer trucks out on the interstate. Well, I was terrified of the idea of this. Working at night with people I considered ruffians (if I only knew then what I know now about truckers, I would have jumped at this opportunity) and doing boring laborious work was not something I was happy about.

  So, I left home and moved to Jacksonville Florida to start out on my own.
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  Yerusalyim

  Joel, (aka HuggyBear)

  I used to be that wierd kid, now I revel in my wierdness. It never seemed I could accomplish anything in high school. I had a real problem of starting things but not seeing them through. Since getting sober almost 8 years ago, I've been an over achiever, taking on more than I should and being a perfectionist about it. I'm always afraid I haven't really earned what I have, and that someone will see through me and realize I'm a fraud. That I'm not as sharp as my evaluations say. That I've accomplished what I have out of luck as opposed to skill.

  Still, if I stop and realize that I've accomplished nothing, that I'm where I'm at because I let God work through me, none of it matters. I find my self worth in Christ who loves me. That's just a spiritual perspective on it, thanks for sharing, and listening.

  Yeru

  YERUSALYIM
  "Vanity! It's my favorite sin!"
  [Al Pacino as Satan, in "DEVIL'S ADVOCATE"]
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  larc

  Joel, thank you for starting this thread, and thank everyone for contributing. Your stories are a testimony to the power of the human spirit. Truly, we have grown up through the concrete like a strong plant wanting to survive. When we look at our accomplishments in the face of the factors that worked against us we should all be proud.

  I was raised a Witness. My mother had episodes of mental illness, manic depression, from the time I was 10 until I was 25 when she got on lithium. I was alienated from my father because he was not a Witness and little say in how I was raised.

  Both my sister and a cousin were valdictorians of their high school class, but they never went to college. I was the only child in the extended family that broke free and got a college degree. Much of the time pursuing my degrees meant working in a factory and taking evening classes. Yes, I grew up the through the concrete too, and I am damned proud of it.

  As Ricky Nelson sang, "Well, it's all right now. I learned my lesson well, you see you can't please everyone, so gotta please yourself." (Only song of his that I liked.)

  PS,

  JoelBear, maybe someday you can be a teacher, if you work in that direction. I bet you would be good at it.
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  OUTLAW

  Joel,you seem to have done alot of good things with your life.Don`t get so bummed out,enjoy your acomplishments.Go learn the other things that interest you.Life`s a jouney not a destination...AEROSMITH...OUTLAW