All the newbies are making me go back and re-visit this ton of bricks that fell on my head. Thank you for that! It's alway good to go back and visit where you've been to help you know where you are going.
Let me tell you about something I can still remember as though is was yesterday.
It was my 34rd birthday. I had a few drinks and had to use the "facilities". Our bathroom has mirrors all over the place. I caught sight of myself in the mirror as I was walking out. I paused and took a long look. I looked and looked and didn't even recognize myself. I aksed that crazy woman in the mirror--"Who are you??, I dont even know you anymore!!" Had a long talk with myself. Yeah, I know you can get locked away for that. Anyway, I made an agreement with that woman in the mirror that we would fight and beat this and get better. I told her it wasn't her fault for being born into that mess. I told her she can leave it behind if she so chooses.
It was the beginning of me leaving it all behind. Of course, there was alot of prayer that went on that year. They were answered for the most part.
Years later, the anger still pops up from time to time. But making it go away is getting much easier.
I'm trying to get myself into a position to help others the way I was helped. (There were some awfully great people over on Paradise Cafe--they saved my life in all probability).
So if anyone ever needs to talk, you can pm me. I have all the time in the world since I have a bad back and can't work. (Which really sucks, btw). I have open ears and an open mind.
I just feel like I should "pay it forward" for all the help I received.