Wife has gone back to the Organization...what can I expect?? (page 3)

thom

I know of a couple in your situation. She didn't "come back", but she joined the org when she was about 40 or so. He never did. To this day they're still married (it's been about 20 years), she's still a JW and he isn't. They both seem to respect eachother and seem happy. He does do holidays, but doesn't expect her to get involved. She doesn't tell him he can't. That's just an experience I know of. Of course every couple is different.

JWdaughter

Not knowing your wife's history, there are a few facts about JWs you should be aware of. Leaving the org. is one way a woman can FIND a marriage partner. There are very few men in the org. anymore. They are gold. She may or may not have ever left 'for real'. It may have only been a 'time out' to find a marriage partner. You. I could well be wrong, and she might have left for other reasons-trust me, there are LOTS of good reasons. I think you need to really explore with her and find out why she left/was inactive in the first place, how long, etc. That will give you some insight.

All that being said-she married you, and must love you very much. The WT is likely all she knew growing up, so it is her anchor religion. Don't let it interfere with your relationship. And don't let it keep you apart. If it is eating up too much time, you need to let her know when it is taking too much from your togetherness (if indeed it does). Can you still socialize, go out on weekend trips, enjoy your children, attend family events (yours too!)etc.?

Good luck!

Shelly (please forgive my cynicism-even my mom has dated 'non' JWs because the only JW avail was creepy)

Shadow1

My wife just left for another meeting. A book study? Oh well...gives me the opportunity to read up on the JW lifestyle.

Thank you all very much for the feedback today. I have a feeling I'll be coming back here with many more questions.

The Oracle

Hey Shadow1,

Allow me to offer my services to help in any way I can.

I am currently serving as a JW Elder, but I have recently came to the once shocking realization that it is not the truth. For the time being I am staying put, mainly to help my family and some close friends, to have have their own awakening, since I am in a much better position to, in subtle ways, help spark their awakening as an "elder'. However, I am also actively helping others to cope with various issues like the one you are facing, while also providing certain groups opposed to damaging WT policies with confidential elders letters etc to help keep tabs on the cults activities and to help in their cause to undo damage caused by the WT.

I beleive your wife can be easily helped to see through the flaws in the WT teachings. Our chances are fantastic, the more intelligent and reasonable that she is. If she is more of an emotional non-thinker it can be more challenging, however certainly not impossible.

One poster suggested that you should consider accepting a study if it is offered. That may not be a bad idea if the time comes, but you need to be prepared for that first.

Keep in touch if you need anything specific. At the very least I can help you interpret some of the things she is being told at the meetings or by her local "elders".

You can PM me or contact me through the open forum.

Take care,

The Oracle

sspo

welcome to the forum

Just wanted to say that some JW have looked outside the organization because of not being able to find a suitable mate inside.

I have known quite a few to marry a "worldly man" with the entention of eventually bringing them in and "getting two birds with one stone".

I hope she was truthful to you before marriage.

Also i have seen wives coming back into the organization with the very purpose of breaking up

their marriage, knowing that the unbeleiving mate would get tired of them and divorce.

I hope everything turns out well for you. You have a lot of support on this board

freydi

Just be aware that she is under control and is absolutely loyal to a group of non-existent people called the FDS that is claimed to be represented by the Governing Body and all whom they appoint as their enforcers aka elders. She considers Jehovah her real husband although she is instructed to be a good wife to you. But you are now two different animals.

WTWizard

There is the book Crisis of Conscience by Raymond Franz. The minute you are pressured into accepting any littera-trash or studying one of their books, you simply order the Crisis of Conscience book. You accept the study under the strictly observed condition that it be out of that book, and that you use any other non-cult translation of the Bible except the New World Translation and hold to that rule throughout the study. It must never be a one-way discussion where they are trying to give you the information without accepting information from other sources that you present.

Now, it's a good time to go to other apostate web sites. You are not in, so they can't do anything about it. If the day comes when the witless tries to drag you in, you just use those web sites as references. That ought to kill any initiative on their part to get you in, since it will always be on the condition that they have to listen to apostate sources (which they are forbidden to do). Any decision you make should be based on multiple sources, especially those that expose the Tower for the scam it is.

primitivegenius

my condolences shadow............

her going back is gonna totally change your relationship......... as was pointed out you will come WAY down on her priority list. anything the governing body says......... she will probably do, irrationally.

whats in your future? her family and friends will try to "love bomb" you into going to meetings and starting a bible study. one thing you MUST remember is that this attention although it is nice in the beginning and makes you think that the jws are good people..... it will quickly go away. then their true nature will come out.......... and they will start judgeing you...... on how your dressed..... is it to fashionable(worldly) is your hair to long........ is it to short..... is it in a "fadish" style. do you drive a 4 door car...... did you put in your montly 10 hours in feild service....... the list will go on forever....... then they will judge you as bad association if your not kissing their asses... then everyone else will get invitations to partys but your not spiritual enough..... and thus your wife will be judged according to you..... which could make her VERY upset with you if you dont jump through their hoops.

if you do decide to study with her....... ONLY study with her..... not any of her elders. they will rush to try and study with you.......... but the only good thing that can come out of a study with her is to undermine her faith. there are questions you can ask her..... that she cant answer...... so she will have to ask the elders..... who cant answer them........... and they will either reconize them as apostate questions and take action.. or send them to headquarters and they will reply back no answers either......... and will be sure to tell them that those questions are apostate questions......... and then they will treat you like an appostate..........

look at the threads here and see if you can find questions that will SPECIFICLY make her think........ or things that will make her doubt. and maybe....... just maybe when the elders cant answer them.....(cause it would make the society look bad) she will see the light and realize what a mindcontrolling cult they are.

good luck

jwfacts

I have known many in your situation, and the marriage can work very well, though the unbelieving mate can become very frustrated at the amount of time the religion absorbs.

You can be certain she will make constant comments on why you should be a JW, and JW centric comments, such as how bad world conditions are, the end is about to come, which becomes monotonous and annoying.

Check out www.jwfacts.com to understand why the religion is wrong. It is hard to change a persons religious convictions, but at least you will be able to have an informed conversation of why you do not believe. JWs are told that people who are not JWs are on the Devils side, due to preferring the ways of sin. Your wife will respect you more if you make an intelligent stand against it, than letting her assume you think it is the truth, but that you are too much of a sinner to want to convert.

LouBelle

Hi Shadow - welcome to our fabulous forum.

A being a Jehovahs' Witness is exhausting work. 5 meetings a week, field service, volunteering work, assemblies and conventions. Your wife will not celebrate any of the "pagan" holidays if she becomes a strong believer. They only celebrate the memorial once a year.

Your wife will hardly be invited to any social gatherings however, as you are an unbeliever, but then again she may be invited and you as well in order to intice you to join them in association and then eventually study with you.

All the best friend.

Wife has gone back to the Organization...what can I expect??

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