Hello Newbies and others. It is really exciting to see so many joining on board here looking for support ! So tell us about yourselves , and what you have gone through and are currently going through. Perhaps some of us who have been there done that can give you some tips to make life a bit easier exiting the mind control cult, Jehovah's Witnesses . Look forward to your experiences newbies, and the encouraging advice you get from our other posters
Newbies - Tell Us Your Stories Getting out of the Witnesses
by flipper 27 Replies latest jw friends
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looloo
one of the many things that made me see the light was when a married elder that was old enough to be my grandad told me about how he felt about me if you know what i mean , i really liked him as a friend but hadnt realised why he was so nice to me , i didnt even study anymore so found it odd that he still used to visit me the worst thing was i was a freind of his grandaughters , i was so embarresed but it made me realise that god does not use elders to speak through , he got a reproof i think but i regretted reporting it because i lost friends and felt sorry for him .
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feenx
I was born in "the Truth." All family members on both sides were JW's as well. On my fathers side my great grandmother was annointed, my great uncle was the branch overseer in Seoul Korea, my grandfather was a D.O. in the Phillipines before being a C.O. in the U.S. and my other great uncle remains the city overseer here locally. My father and mother are still active, and my father has been Elder for approx 18-20 years. I am an only child.
I was a Silentlamb, due to my grandfather on my mother's side. She also suffered abuse from him, and in turn has been diagnosed with D.I.D. (dissociative identity disorder, previously known as M.P.D. = Multiple Personality Disorder). At last estimate she has upwards of 30-40 alters. My grandfather molested me from the approximate ages of 4ish to 9ish. Some of my memories include my grandmother, my great grandmother and cousins, along with all the violence mixed in with his perversion.
I spent my pre-teen years in therapy, while still a full fledged JW. I spent my teen years dealing with my mothers suicide attempts, mental institution and hospital visits and my fathers deep stress and depression, all while still doing everything he was supposed to as an Elder, including teaching me the ways of "the truth." I was baptized when I was 16 or 17.
In my late teens I again sought therapy, not realizing that some of my issues were not solely based on sustained abuse, the abuse is still what got all the attention.
After having moved back into my parents house for a brief time at the age of 20 my father kicked me out of his house. Once in my own place I grew inactive, and quite unhealthy emotionally. Wait...let me re-phrase. I was ALREADY unhealthy emotionally. However it was at this point that the shite started to hit the fan and I was forced to realize it was time to go back into therapy.
In the midst of this turmoil, not having anywhere to turn, I fornicated (I still laugh at that term!) and was DF'd with one J.C. meeting where they "deliberated" for about 30 minutes. They told me rather than looking for support in the arms of a worldly woman I should've "drawn close to those in the congregation." That was as deep as they wanted to probe into anything that was motivating my actions at the time.
I've never gone back, and since getting the boot have had some very successful therapy. We all have our problems, but I can honestly say each day, each month and each year that passes that I am away from all of my past keeps getting better and better :) -
flipper
LOOLOO- I'm so sorry you went through that abuse friend from a married elder. You are not alone. Many young ones have been victims of sexual abuse by Watchtower society elders or representatives . It is things like this that will gradually bring down the Watchtower society from within. I'm glad that you see God does not, and never has used them . Glad you are here friend. May you have peace.
FEENX- Wow! You are to be really commended for overcoming what you went through. That was smart to seek therapy. As I told Looloo, you are not alone. ( As you would know being a silent lamb.) I certainly give you a warm welcome ! Very happy you are here friend- may you get more answers to your questions -
Velvetann
Hi Flipper, my story is not exciting, it seems very average for someone brought up as a JW. The following is a brief outline:
About me, I am in my 50's, my parents got the "truth" when I was 3, we were in British Columbia, my parents moved from there to Perth Ontario in 1958 to be where the need was great. They built quite a little congregation and my Dad was a very zealous Overseer but he was mean to me and it left a bad taste for religion in my mouth because I associated the bible and the religion with how he treated me. I urged to get baptized at 15, I didn't want too, I didn't think I was ready. My Dad kept at me and said that a daughter of a Congregation Servant has to show a good example. I was taken out of school in grade 10 at 16 and forced to become a regular pioneeer. I hated it, but I was afraid of my Dad. We moved to Brockville when I was 16. I pioneered there, then we moved to Ingleside, near Cornwall. My parents wouldn't let me have any friends, not even JW's, I sat at home with them or went from door to door and hated my life. I got fat . The minute I turned 18 I left home, I borrowed some money from a kindly sister in the Cornwall congregation, got on a train and moved to Hamilton. I started dating a Armenian brother there, got engaged right away and he started planning my life, he was a total control freak, It was worse than being with my parents. So I took off to Florida. My parents searched for me and brought me back to Brockville to stay with some witnesses, I didn't want anything to do with the Religion so purposely Got DF. My parents disowned me, they were special Pioneers at the time, I was friendless and got involved with a guy in Brockville who helped me as I was so emotionally distraught. I thought it was the truth, I was so messed up and had nightmares constantly, thought I was going to die at Armageddon. I felt that way until this year actually. I moved to Montreal for awhile with my boyfriend after I was DF. My parents decided to talk to me in 1974 because my Dad left the religion, he was stumbled when he saw how money talked and the favoritism of those with it. I decided to go back at the age of 28 because I feared it was the truth and that my little babies would die at Armageddon. I tried to stay in but it was difficult with the babies and a unbelieving husband. I didn't find many in the congregations at that time to be too supportive or Kind. Only the so called spiritually weaker ones were nice to me. My Mom stayed faithful in the religion, she was really into it, she passed away in Oct 2006. I had difficulty being alone with her because she would always start preaching doom and gloom to me. It was so depressing, especially when I still was afraid it was the truth. Now I can talk about it and say I don't agree with it because I won't hurt her feelings now and she won't disown me. I am not DF or DA officially at this time. I just don't have anything to do with it and I am so happy to have the internet and to discover that I am NOT alone.
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flipper
VELVETANN- Thanks for your nice story. My, you have been through the mill. I understand about a father who was very authoritative as my dad still is an elder after 54 years since 1953. He mellowed with age - but he was more aggressive when he was younger. It seems your journey also has been a long one as mine was as well. I hope you can find peace in your life and I welcome you warmly here on JWD. If you ever want to PM me or my wife and need to talk- please feel free
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NYer Girl
I grew up in a divided household, but my dad liked that we were "in the religion" (that's how I phrase it now, since I won't call it "the truth" and I cant bring myself to say JW's) because it kept us out of trouble. My parent's divorced when I was 15 and my mother married a brother from another congregation. I rejected my real father because of the religion and I realize now how shabily I treated him, even though he tried to maintain a relationship with me.
At 18 I started secretly dating an elder's son who had been labeled "bad association" and of course, we committed "fornication". We were both publicly reproved and I was removed as a pioneer. It happened on my 19th birthday. WORST DAY OF MY LIFE. Because it was my step-brother's turn to make announcements, he had to stand in front of the congregation and make my announcement. His voice cracked as he spoke and I wanted the floor to open up under me.
My boyfriend and I married a few months later even though I knew that it wasn't meant to be. I felt that I was used goods and no decent brother would want me. My husband hardly ever went out in field service, couldn't hold down a job and missed a lot of meetings. I was very diligent, working full time, preaching every chance I got and I never missed a meeting. The final straw came when the elders sat us down and restored our privileges as a couple. I remember thinking that I had done all of the work and he benefited.
Nine months after we married, I told him I wanted a divorce. I spoke to the elders and detailed all the ways he failed to be the head of the household (abusing the dog, sleeping all day while I was at work, etc.) Their response: "We know of sisters who literally hate their husbands, but they stay married because Jehovah hates divorce." After that, I started fading. My husband finally left and I never saw him again. We divorced officially a few years later.
The last time I stepped foot in a Kingdom Hall was on October 11, 2001. I was 21 years old. I was in denial for years and finally broke down and went to therapy, which helped tremendously, although I still have trouble making friends. The loss of all of my friends in the religion still weighs heavily on me and makes me cry sometimes. I don't post here often, but I visit every day because I know that all of you understand what it was like. My current husband wonders why I can't just get over it. It's part of my life story and I can't just eliminate it. Thanks for listening.
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Burger Time
Never bought the company line and failed my Baptism questions. After that it was the long fade for me. Nothing super special or heart breaking. I had cool liberal JW parents who still love me. I was lucky I suppose.
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flipper
NYer GIRL- Welcome to the board. Thanks for replying with your story. I feel so deeply for you. I know what a sense of loss you feel and I'm so glad you posted your story here. You are among friends here. Many people here went through difficult times like you. I got out of the witnesses in 2003 and some witness family members shun me because of it. It annoys me that those elders did that cruel thing to you in having your step-brother announce your reproof at such a young age. They should have had someone else do it. Sick. I know how you feel about being lonely and the sense of loss you feel. If you would ever like to talk with my wife and I on the phone I pmed you our number, my friend. Peace to you and welcome !
BURGER TIME- You are really lucky your parents still love you and associate with you. Some getting out, aren't so lucky. I too have faded for a long time. Good luck to you, Peace out, Mr. Flipper -
Quandry
The last time I stepped foot in a Kingdom Hall was on October 11, 2001. I was 21 years old. I was in denial for years and finally broke down and went to therapy, which helped tremendously, although I still have trouble making friends. The loss of all of my friends in the religion still weighs heavily on me and makes me cry sometimes. I don't post here often, but I visit every day because I know that all of you understand what it was like. My current husband wonders why I can't just get over it. It's part of my life story and I can't just eliminate it. Thanks for listening.
No one but those of us who have "been there" would possibly be able to understand that one cannot simply "get over it." Glad you are here with us .