Mother wants me to leave!!!!

why???

Hi everyone, hope all is well. I've been reading and posting here for a little while about my situation. Well it has just reached another high point. Yesterday my mother said that I either stop speaking entirely to my "worldly bf/fiance" or leave the house by next week!!! I'm very upset that she wants me to make a decision like this. I'm 21 now I will be graduating this May my bf is very supportive he know about the whole situation for a couple years now. I can't let him go I love him too much but I will be losing my family, they wont want to be around me. I'm leaning towards moving out rooming with a friend till I graduate and change halls then get married by June. She wants me to do it this way too so that she wont hear any "readouts at our hall." I want to avoid DF if possible also. I just want to be happy and living a fake life will not. This is so hard and emotionally stressful as I'm sure you all know. Do you have any advice or suggestions for me, I really don't want to lose him or my parents but I don't think thats possible.!!! Please help

moshe

either stop speaking entirely to my "worldly bf/fiance" or leave the house by next week

Well, you need to stop speaking to your BF when your mother is around- if he can't support you and you can't support yourself, then stay at home until you graduate- just my 2cents.

catbert

Would you explain this "readout at the hall".

That sounds facinating.

R.Crusoe

Remember the elders will advise her and the elders wives will be in on it and so will others in their circle! The score is you re now an adult so fully aware of your choices in their eyes which is a baaad thing. They only tolerate those who give up choice and go their way! So you will be viewed a threat to your own mother just for making your own choices! They are in the background turning the screws.

Find a way out and meantime play your cards your way - best advice I can give to someone up against a consortium.

DJK

Emotional blackmail. I might give into with my wife, but no one else. My 2 cents wirth.

jgnat

First of all, you are a dependent. Dependents do have to toe the line of whoever is in charge, no matter how unreasonable the demands are.

The alternative of course, which you are working on, is independence. But of course that comes with a whole bunch of responsiblities (rent) that you don't have now.

I rather like the one suggestion that you don't talk to your boyfriend when your mother is around...for four more months. Four more months of dependence, while you concentrate on graduating. In the meantime, I do hope you have been saving your money for first and last month's rent, plus moving expenses.

I'm not sure how you are going to avoid DF'ing and also avoid a fake life. If you ever stop going to the meetings, the elders are going to come after you.

You might be able to squeak out of a DF'ing by marrying quietly and privately. The elders won't DF for marrying a "worldly" guy. But as you know, any private liaisons or fornicating would get you DF'd.

I really don't want to lose him or my parents but I don't think thats possible.!

It all depends on how fast your parents reconcile themselves to your independence (which you don't have yet).

primitivegenius

ok dont know the situation......... except for what youve said on this thread............. my advice is to speak with your bf...... tell him what your mom has said....... and that if he calls and she is there you wont take his call and will act like you have broken it off with him........ refuseing to speak to him and telling your mom to just hang up....... letting her be as nasty as she will.

speaking with your bf and makeing this decision TOGETHER will make him feel he has a say in it all........ then you can figure out how to work it. some ground rules for handleing your mother......... it all comes down to what you want and what your willing to do to get it. if you cant support yourself while in school and are almost ready to graduate then do what you gotta do......... if you dont wanna be dfed....... swapping congs is a way you can avoid this........ just NEVER let the elders in the new cong know where you live or your new phone number. as far as thats concerned i would swap congs a couple of times and pretend its job related or school related why you had to move twice........ then just end it.

they can only df you if your doing something they can catch you at........ if your married......... sex is legal...... as long as its with your spouse..... but it would be a good idea to be living where no one knows who you are.

i dont know how you can work it out so that you can spend time with your BF untill you graduate but hes gotta be willing to make the extra effort in pulling the wool over your moms eyes... and not show up at your house and if he takes a risk by calling there........... if shes there hes gotta k now you will not speak to him and will pretend its over...........

hope you can get yourself established and get out from under her oppressive thumb as soon as possible

Gayle

Keep your education in priority to get that done before any big decisions, you're so close! Get a cell phone if you haven't yet, keep it on vibrate & call back your BF when you are in the clear. Then, get a good job & move out asap. Your getting a education and getting out of the WT world will get you freedom to move on with your life in a positive mode. Best wishes!

Gayle

Forgot,,your scenario sounds for the most part like a foreign language (but with English subtitles) movie coming out next month "To Verdener," Hope it comes to your location. I know if it comes to Phoenix I will definitely plan to see it.

carla

Once again the wt encourages lying in a round about way. Sure she could go along and pretend while the parents hold all the cards, 'do as we say because we hold your entire future in our hands. You will not be able to finish school without living here'. How many times have college age kids come here and parents have tried that stunt? I remember one case where the parents even offered a car if the kid would pioneer.

I wonder if the bf is thinking things through though. So he goes along with the charade for the next 4 months, what then? What carrot will the parents hold out then? This cycle could continue indefinitely, "just pretend for a little while longer because then I can get....." Is that really fair to the bf?

She could also become a super zealous dub for awhile and find something, anything on mom & dad and report them to the elders. She could be 'so worried' about their spirituality and get them df'd. A comment, activity, anything. Then they would be df'd and she could leave too.

Or you could decide that you cannot live your life for your parents at 21 and live it the way many young adults do and make their own decisions. It won't be easy, it never is starting out whether you are jw or not. There are many people who would be willing to lend a hand if you explained the situation. I'm sure even some of your teachers would understand the stress you will be going through and make some allowances.

Mother wants me to leave!!!!

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