Mother wants me to leave!!!! (page 3)

wings

I think that you have been given some great advice so far, so I really don't need to add any more but I did want you to know that I am sorry that you have to go through this.

I have had to kick kids out for drug use, but I would be so proud if one of them was going to graduate in a few months. I would want to support them through it. As a parent, it is what we all want, for our kids to get and education and be able to live an independent and happy (as possible) life.

I haven't read your history, but I understand that for some JW parents it is embarassing (scarey, horrifing, etc...) when one of their kids acts like they want to get out of the box. The box is their security, it is the future. It is life to them. I know you understand that, we all do. That is why we come here.

Anyway, I think you have so much going for you. I hope you can see through this and put your shoulders back and begin a path for yourself that is true to yourself.

I wish you well.

why???

thanks wings I appreciate you saying that....for now I'm going to hang on 4 more months until I graduate and move. Does anyone have any suggestions on whats the best way to brake the news of actually wanting to switch halls to parents and elders...I don't want it to be too sudden and raise suspicion but I want to leave by July. I also want to move out around that time. Do you think its too much at once? At this point that's what I want.

primitivegenius

well if you can find a place to live with friends...... probably that place will be in another congregations territory....... but even if its not... you dont have to give the elders your address when you swap halls..... you just have to have your current halls info..... the presideing overseers phone number or something. you talk to an elder in the new hall you have selected and tell them you are gonna be going to their hall and give him the elders info and he will make the call and get your cards and info sent to him. then i would attend a while then move to a different congregation......... meaning attend enough to get that elder to send for your publisher card and then quit all together. wouldnt give them a phone number or an address.

fact is you can swap any congs at any time....... the elders will forward any info they have on you. any jc they had with you etc..... but they cant MAKE you go to a certain hall........... they can not allow you privledges ... lol but thats really a blessing isnt it.

good luck

jwfacts

Your mother is giving you an ultimatum to save face in the congregation, but doing it irrationaly. I would let her know that if you leave, the likelihood of an announcement will be far greater, as she is driving you into the arms of your boyfriend. Let her know you want to marry him and it would be far better for you to live at home prior to the wedding rather than moving in with him before marriage.

ldrnomo

As an EX elder, let me give you the society's advice.

Dump you boyfriend, Drop out of school, Buy and window cleaning squegee and some janitor equipment, start pioneering and stay single. Doing all this will really make you happy and in the future, you will really be happy........NOT

jgnat

ldrnomo, that is so true. Just like what happened with me and my hubby, Why???, you are likely going to get all sorts of attitude and unsolicited, horrible advice. My hubby and I married quietly against the elder's advice and when they found out, they were furious. All kinds of stomping of feet and dire warnings about his spiritual future. Hubby and I were "bad association" for years. Did it do me any harm? Who would want to curry the favor of master manipulators? Not me. I happily went on with my life.

I suggest you smile and nod then go do what you want. That's what adults do.

Parents sometimes take a while to catch up when they realize they have no power over the situation any more.

why???

Well my mother and I haven't really been talking at all for the past couple weeks just hi and bye. Tonight after meeting again(shocker) she tells me that I need to make up my mind once and for all and not go back on the decision. She keep saying I'm a pretty girl who could get a nice brother. She saying why am I breaking gods law, being rebellious and going outside the circle to the world. I don't know how to tell her that I DON'T THINK I AM. I love her but deep down I would feel like a fake going to meetings because I just have too many doubts about it. I'm thinking about writing down how I feel about the things I find wrong and see what she says but I don't know if that will work on her. I also should tell them that I want to marry him once and for all. They will tell me to go and have very limited contact with me and my dad might try to get "help." But If they make me leave I'm not speaking to anybody about anything! Seems like she wants an answer by the end of the week. Its now or never! Wish me luck, you guys are all I really have for support from ppl who truly understand!

jgnat

When will people ever learn that ultimatums won't work? Your mom thinks with a little pressure, you will conform. After all, that is what she has been taught by the society.

If you write anything down, do it for your own clarity. Don't give anything in writing to your mother. She could take that to the elders and you know what comes next. Instead, I think if you are ready to make the break tell her from your heart that you love this young man and you will marry him. Try for empathy, pleading her to remember what it was like when she was first in love. Pleading for empathy speaks to the natural-mom not the cult-mom. But depending on her mood, she may not listen. But hey, what do you have to lose?

Layla33

Well my mother and I haven't really been talking at all for the past couple weeks just hi and bye. Tonight after meeting again(shocker) she tells me that I need to make up my mind once and for all and not go back on the decision. She keep saying I'm a pretty girl who could get a nice brother. She saying why am I breaking gods law, being rebellious and going outside the circle to the world. I don't know how to tell her that I DON'T THINK I AM. I love her but deep down I would feel like a fake going to meetings because I just have too many doubts about it. I'm thinking about writing down how I feel about the things I find wrong and see what she says but I don't know if that will work on her. I also should tell them that I want to marry him once and for all. They will tell me to go and have very limited contact with me and my dad might try to get "help." But If they make me leave I'm not speaking to anybody about anything! Seems like she wants an answer by the end of the week. Its now or never! Wish me luck, you guys are all I really have for support from ppl who truly understand!

Well I hope everything works out. Have you looked at your campus and on craigslist for a temporary place to say where you can rent a room? (Worse case scenario). Always have a back up plan in case things don't go the way you want. I have seen witness parents boast about kicking their children out of the house, so be prepared.

My advice is to be prepared for your mom and tell her that you love her very much, but you need some time to MAKE YOUR OWN CHOICES, but since you live in her home you are willing to respect her wishes. Tell her your biggest concern is that you don't want to be homeless, so if it comes down to her will against yours, ask her if she doesn't mind you looking for another place to live and moving to a different congregation. Be nice, don't raise your voice, keep emotion out of it - that way you stay in control of the situation. I hope that helps.

Please utilize your school's support system, I am sure they have some things to help, as well.

mrsjones5

My mother tried that with me too. I was almost 25 and about to graduate from design school in less than 3 weeks. Mother didn't like the fact that I was dating a worldly man even though I had never been baptised as a jw.

One day, in June of 1990, as I sitting on the floor of my bedroom trying to finish a project for school my mother came to me and said that she and my father decided that they could not deal with my lifestyle (school and dating actually pretty boring) and I would have to be out of their house by September. I looked up at her and said fine, I'll be out before September and I was good as my word - I was gone by the beginning of August.

Funny thing about the whole thing towards the end my mother told me that I didn't have to leave so quickly, I was moving into an apartment with my sister who was finishing her last year of college and my mother told me that I didn't have to do that. She wanted me to go back on the lease that I had just signed and leave my sister in the lurch. She realized that she overplayed her hand and things weren't turning out the way she wanted.

But she didn't learn her lesson with me because a few years later my mother tried to pull the same thing on my brother...didn't work, he moved out too after she said he didn't have to leave and didn't return.

Josie

Mother wants me to leave!!!!

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