We always hope the ones we love will wake up (the ironic trouble is... she is hoping the same thing about you. Horrible, isn't it...)
That's exactly what I'm dealing with, bless her heart.
Upset my JW wife again......
by freedomfighter 25 Replies latest jw friends
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NewYork44M
Freedomfighter, my best wishes to you. Your story brings back memories. I had many similar conversations over the years and could never get my spouse to understand that I had valid issues with what we believed.
We are now divorced after 15 years of fighting about the "truth." I hope it goes better for you.
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TJ - iAmCleared2Land
Your poor wife is feeling like all the security she knows is being yanked out from under her. I would have felt the same way a few short years ago. Really, she is being loyal. Isn't that one quality you used to value in her?
This takes time. Love must be shown.
Quandry is spot on...
She loves you, and is likely thinking "I'm not going to get to live with him forever, like I dreamed, in a paradise. Now what?"
Be patient. Reassure her of your love, that you're not leaving her. I'm finding that not forcing points is good enough. She sees me happy, normal, our kids happy and normal, and is gradually (and, more importanty, of her own accord) widening her thinking and perceptions of things.
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GoingGoingGone
Be patient. Reassure her of your love, that you're not leaving her. I'm finding that not forcing points is good enough. She sees me happy, normal, our kids happy and normal, and is gradually (and, more importanty, of her own accord) widening her thinking and perceptions of things.
This worked for me with my husband!
GGG
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TJ - iAmCleared2Land
Everything she had been taught tells her you will go "crazy apostate" and "leave her for the world". If you want her to come out of the organization she needs to see they lied. She needs to see you become an even BETTER husband than you were before. More loving, more attentive, no "pressure" (for meetings, family study, field service, reading all her magazines, etc.). Being very low key, and a "shelter from the heat" of the KH will win her to your side. It will take a while, but your patience will be rewarded. When she makes comments (and she will, eventually) critical of what she perceives as problems in the organization, just smile, nod, and squeeze her hand. DON'T take that as signal to launch into a tirade against the WTBTS. She's a smart woman, she loves you, and when she realizes she's not going to lose you and that things will be better with you OUTSIDE the organization, she'll be happy. With that in mind, find things that SHE likes to do, but hasn't had time to do (due to meetings, field service, etc) and get involved in them WITH her. She feels a big part of what you two do together, what makes her whole, has been ripped from her life. Fill it with something else. If she likes you to pray with her, and she's still willing to let you do that and you're willing to as well, then do so, but keep it generic and meaningful about YOU AND HER, not about the JW organization. Or, find something else you can do together "spiritually" if you're so inclined and able... that could simply mean reading the Bible with her, WITHOUT your commentary. Just my thoughts. My wife isn't "out" yet. But we have very little tension about the religion, and I honestly feel the JW grip on her mind and life is being released...
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freedomfighter
Thanks for your helpful suggestions.
Bud2114, I appreciate you putting your situation " out - there". It takes courage to do this and face these problems. I wish you all the best.
Last night we agreed that we cannot live together anymore. I will be moving out as soon as i find a place.
Living with/next to the inlaws was a BIG mistake! Now that i am DF'd i find it literally impossable to carry on a normal life.
Oh well, i know alot of you have had to walk away with nothing and start again. I'll do the same thing.
Do the JW's break up familys? They certainly do.
FF