Loving crazy people

coolhandluke

I don't think there is such a thing as "normal". I think the best we can do is either functioning or non functioning. We amble through life confused. When I was a little boy I thought my mother had all of the answers. The day I figured out that she was guessing along with me was heart rending. I thought I'd come to an age where I'd 'get it'. That is the illusion. No one 'gets it.' We just do our best and forget the rest. There are those of us though who seem to be behind on the getting it bit. Such great facades and shrouds of who they truly are. We believe them because really even if we didn't we'd have no answers to their questions.

My sister is one of these people. I love her dearly. But there is nothing I can do for her... just love her. It seems at times that she feels that my family owes her some debt because we function more often than not while she missteps, faulters and fails in her own mind. I'm not sure what to do with her/for her. I watch her hurt herself and therby those around her namely her children. She clings to this religion and I think she needs it. Once after her second child was born she attempted suicide. I remember standing over her hospital bed, looking down at her. She opened her eyes and smiled. Such a beautiful woman once my hero, brought down to this. Slurred words, slow blink eyes and two little kids in the waiting room wanting to know what was wrong with mommy. For the life of me I never know what to tell them to this day when they ask me that. "Mommy is sick kids" The statement just has no teeth... and it has no cure either... just love the crazy people as much for them as for us. It's all the answer we've got.

Sparkplug

Luke. Sounds like postpartum Depression? Did she have that during that episode? You know it is treatable and 100 percent recoverable.

Now the rest, I don't know enough to speculate on. But having been concidered the "crazy" person in my family, I know it can change for the better. It is not always easy, but self awareness of your problems is the biggest step. And love is better when it is just love. No pity involved. Because often the person being pitied is looking back and feeling pity on you.

For instance. I know my brother probably looks at me a lot like you are looking at her. Whereas, I am looking back and mad as hell. I hear it because I gave up on Jehovah, or I made bad decisions on men, because I missed some things when raising my kids, etc., etc. I look at him and think to myself, that at least I am living. It is not always the right choices, but I do have children, I do own a home, I do have a job, I am willing to reach for love, and when that is all said and done, I don't shy from emotion. I have a pretty full life. He has no kids, wife, I don't think friends, and well, he never lets anyone close enough to be hurt. That has go to be hell. I feel for him and would not trade places. Just the same as he would not trade places with me.

Just a thought.

Anti-Christ

Sorry about your sister, it hurts to see a loved one in pain. In my family I have a few that are hurting but they are slowly getting better. For me they are not crazy they are sick or "damaged" it's this world that is crazy.

I don't like how most people use the word crazy I for one like "crazy" not dangerous crazy but more of the kind most people find uncomfortable, the crazy people that brake the boredom and routine. For me trying to fit in and being "normal" is crazy.

dawg

Word up Luke?

Sad about your sister, often makes me wonder if I'm too harsh on my JW family, I mean, Stevei Wonder can see the JWs are full of crap, right? THey don't seem to get it.. I don't think I'd care what they believed as long as they treat me cool, but they don't... thus the conflict... Good luck bro

coolhandluke

Appreciate the comments. I guess I use the word crazy loosely. My sister isn't crazy. She has a giant heart. She has just been completely disappointed by life and its taken its toll on her soul. I just wish I could do something for her. How do I help her? How do I fix it? How do I mitigate the damage of her disappointment from transferring to her kids more than it already has? I really don't know. I just miss the hero that I had when we were kids. She's 9 years older than me. When I was younger I thought she was the smartest, most beautiful woman next to my mom. I think I had some crush/hero worship going on there. I remember her wanting to like me and seeking her approval. Who knows. I just want her well. She has been on and off antidepressants but won't go see a therapist which I think she really needs more than pharmaceuticals. Meh. We'll work it out.

chickpea

i know it.... i live it.... i love someone deeply whose reality i can barely glimpse

my empathy for you, your sister, your hero, and all who love her is deeply held and fully offered

i encourage you to look further into her mental health and learn all you can to help not just her, but yourself, as well ...... loving those with mental health issues is a battering and sometimes cruel endeavour

we have a daughter, nearly 20..... who was Dx'd at 14 with borderline and histrionic personality disorders.....

the big deal about her almost being 20.... after what maybe in a "normal family" was the usual parental bitch-fest about failing grades.......she screamed, SHRIEKED at me in our driveway at 16 "WHAT THE FUCK DIFFERENCE DOES A HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA MAKE?? I WILL BE DEAD BEFORE I AM 17!!!!!...... she worked to make that a true statement .....

upheaval is the expected course when she is in the equation..... it isnt deliberate in terms of trying to cause difficulties...... she just doesnt have the same toolbox most people possess to use in negotiating the vagaries of life.... heartbreakingly simple.....

she is beginning her 6th year in CBT, a therapeutic "re-tooling" of her world-view...... she is never going to not be borderline, but if she is vigilant, she will be able to curb the impulsivity and the overwhelming aspects of her mental health issues that makes boderlines, this tiny percentage (2%) of the population, over 20% of the hospitalized psychiatric population and 20-30% of the incarcerated psychiatiric population... a select segment of the population wherein one in 10 will successfully achieve suicide

she isnt crazy, but she sure as hell can do some wicked crazy making in our lives.....

i will love her to my dying day, and beyond, if that is the reality

((((((( my baby girl ))))))))

coolhandluke

she just doesnt have the same toolbox most people possess to use in negotiating the vagaries of life

absolutely profound. that statement has made a dramatic difference to my mind right now. wow

SixofNine

Quote:

she is beginning her 6th year in CBT

Cognitive _________? therapy?

Sparkplug

Probably Behavior?

VoidEater

Luke: For me it is my father. He is diagnosed as bipolar, but the functional part (which is so much more pragmatic, in a way) of the problem is that he has no skills at interacting with people. He has no interior emotional world that he can understand others through. He's a huge brain that doesn't understand what motivates 99% of the people in his life - and therefore doesn't have too good a handle on what motivates him.

He rails against the WTS doctrines in the same breath he begs to be made one with them.

Depression is an illness, and meds can give a buffer - but the two things that will help depression are the desire of that person to change their baseline experience, and therapy. Meds alone can make things seem better, and can open some space for reflection and motivation towards action, so they can be a good step in the right direction.

But I'm sure you know all this already, this isn't news...I hear you...we still love them, though they seem so different in their capability to cope...

Loving crazy people

Share this