I have always suspected that chiropractic is a total crock. The concept that having your backbone crackled a little bit every month will control your blood pressure, cure your asthma and keep you mobile and flu-free until you're 120 seems farfetched, and yet all my life every time I have had a headache I have been inclined to set up an appointment.
I've really only been in serious pain three times; some bad neck pain which cleared up after a depressing relationship, some lumbar pain from a bad lift incident which cleared up after three weeks of wiggling around on a fitball while I was watching tv in the evening, and some weird shoulder pain which cleared up when I rejoined a gym. I have wasted a lot of money for many years - chiropractic just wasn't there for me. Fortunately it was mostly my health funds money...
I've been in Canberra for a year and had to find a new guy so I made an appointment. They have one hell of an operation - he and the receptionist double-team new patients and he announces that he will treat you like it's an unusual privilege extended only to needy friends, but only on the assumption that you'll be there twice a week. I started, but invented an interstate work trip to get out of three appointments and left the waiting room just before one started because they were running 20 minutes late. I think that after a lifetime of chiropractic my xrays should be looking different to what they were when I was twelve and if they're not, it's probably always going to be that way. To be honest I'm not actually feeling in anyway bad, so I wanted to cut back my treatment to say, every month or two.
This morning he fired me. We talked it over for a while and he decided that if I wasn't happy with the treatment schedule he could recommend somebody else to me. I called his bluff on that though, and he didn't actually know any names, just waved in the direction of one. Everybody in his office looks broke; it makes me sad that he is skimming all these pensioners. I won't miss him; three-minute treatments for $40, and he barely touched me. He used a little flicker pen on my shoulder, genuinely believing in it.
Just today I've taken up believing that chiropractic is for the special kind of person who needs to be told by a professional to sit up straight. I have friends who have real, actual spinal trouble; scoliosis, fusions (natural and surgical)... none of them have a chiropractor and never will. All of my minor health problems would be solved if I exercised every day, stretched at work, stopped playing computer games until 3 am and lost 15 kg.
Who is a believer? I think I might put it in the same cult category as I put Amway and the defence forces.