It's hard to believe, I joined this forum five years ago (January 2003).
I was happy to join here because it appeared at the time, to be a rather sane and welcoming place. I really enjoyed it. Like any forum; I've been on others not related to Jehovah's Witnesses, and you see parallels. Change the theme, mix the words, drama and emotion around, well...you get the idea.
Upon arrival here, I noticed that there were several sections one could post in. The one that grabbed me first: Personal Experiences & Reunions. Of course, I would only be too happy to share some of my experiences as a former Jehovah's Witness. Some stories are just too hilarious and or down right embarrassing.
The Reunion part, was what really drew me in initially.
I had been, up until the time I had joined this forum, out of the WTBTS for about 19 years. There were many people I missed upon leaving the Jehovah's Witnesses. People whom were very supportive or showed me kindness. The little things, yes indeed, go a long way. So, some of these people I had hoped too, got out of the organization and that I may find them here.
Over a period of about 2 years (2003-2005) I had hoped to create a few posts so that I could possibly locate people I missed. My posts were not exclusive to here, but various other ex-Jehovah's Witness websites as well.
Hmm?
Be careful what you wish for.
No brainer of course, but in a couple of cases, I was beyond elated to be back in-contact with a couple of people from my former JW days/daze. It was a heart warming experience in the beginning. Then, reality kicked in.
A mindset from 19 years prior to my joining this site, deluded me. 19 years is a fairly long time between contact with a former JW member or any person from ones' past.
In April 2004, I was reunited with a former JW pal on-line. I do mean, a very special person. Turns out that he too had gone through similar circumstances as myself. I was almost beside myself to see an e-mail in my inbox one day with a name I had recognition only in past tense. We finally exchanged telephone numbers and well, we couldn't stop talking and I posted about this nearly 4 years ago (here).
Move the clock ahead a bit.
It was to become, bittersweet. The person I had remembered as a Jehovah's Witness, of course, had as many years as myself to develop in the way they did. Turns out, this person and I had only really one thing in-common afterall:
the past
I know not all stories are like this, but I have shared this story with a couple of other people and some had had similar experiences. It's a bit sad, but it's also stark reality. Much can happen in the span of 19-20 years. Just because someone has left the WTBTS, does not mean they're successful, happy or elated. On the contrary. My so-called friend has developed so much differently than myself (no surprise, I know) but it was all too disappointing and pointless to carry-on, this friendship. I've considered visiting him, but I know it'd be a disaster. We have so little in common and any advice or help I've offered, at his request, only fell on deaf ears. (sigh)
Another reunion to speak of was in the spring of 2007. Someone whom I was particularly fond for. Probably my favourite JW ever. I took it upon myself to try to locate this person after reading an obituary from Atlantic Canada. Turns out this person's brother died unexpectedly. There was some information within the obituary that gave me clues as to where this person was presently residing. So, I did an on-line 411.ca - and located their mailing address. I write a letter.
Weeks pass. Then I get a telephone call. It's a voice I had not heard since May 1984. 23 years later, I get a message (answering machine).
I realize who it is, and my heart beats rapidly. So much anticipation, so much hope.....and then well, I do the obvious. I return the phone call. It was interesting because I had no idea that this individual had any offspring, but a teenage voice answers the telephone. I ask for the person and I hear someone call out to "Mom". It started off, really good. So good, I was almost beside myself with joy.
Then....that JW wordspeak starts to pop-in and I realize: 'oh my god, they're still in'.
It was like ice cold water tossed onto an open flame. I realized, that this was not going to be the reunion I had hoped it to be.
I did ask however, why it was OK for her to be speaking with me; I was not entirely certain if I was disfellowshipped . She confirmed that I was. But I was still perplexed. Shouldn't she be shunning me? She indicated with earnest that 'if I needed to contact the elders to do so'; 'that they will help you with whatever problem/issue you may have'. Then that was it. I suppose she did this to keep her conscious clear. In order to speak with me, she needed to say something to the effect that shedirected me to the 'elders'.
We continued our conversation for as long as we could. She was still speaking with me, without any hesitation and/or nervousness. I asked her about various people back in Atlantic Canada: her siblings, her parents, her husband, her daughter and other JWs from where I had become a Jehovah's Witness, so many years ago. She was only too happy to bring me up to date, but ... the JW wordspeak was getting more and more frequent and I was finding myself feeling quickly satisfied that this was going to be......it. I did not want this to become for her, a shepherding call.
We bid each other "good-bye" and I hung up the phone. It was really a wake-up call for me with regards to wishing and hoping for contact with my past JW friends.
As you can expect, I haven't heard from her again; despite that in my letter was my mailing address, telephone number and e-mail address.
It's interesting, retrospectively, I am feeling so less inclined to make any effort to locate former Jehovah's Witness. The experience I had with the 2 people I mentioned, pretty much gave me enough peace-of-mind that I do not feel the need to reach out or get some sort of validation. I think whatever need I had up until that time; I got it out of my system and pushed me further ahead on the learning curve.
There've been a couple of incidents where I was contacted by 2 people whom were former Jehovah's Witnesses, and it has turned out to be fine. But I keep that all in perspective and am taking it all in stride. There's so much catching up to do. But happily, the two other individuals I do hear from, are well adjusted and are thankfully: successful ex-Jehovah's Witnesses. We're not clamouring for each others 'glory days'. We are all realistic about from hence we came.
I thought I'd share this, as I'm sure a few of you have had similar experiences or perhaps are anticipating a reunion with some of your former JW friends. Even if they do leave; no guarantee it's going to be on the same level as your own personal recovery.
Feeling pretty good about it all. Like something I longed for has been finally quenched.
Over
Done with. No need to look anymore.....