Hardcore evangelical intellectual just fell for an enlightened JW girl

by Stuartmc 51 Replies latest social relationships

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  Stuartmc

  Thanks one and all for the excellent input. I have learned more about my gal and thought it might shed more light on this subject. She was disfellowshipped twice relating to relationships she has had with non-JW's. She has been married twice. One when she was only 18 and the second was plagued with physical abuse and ended with a final divorce decree six months ago. Both men were not JW's. She told me the elders had a problem with her because she insisted that her relationships were none of their business and they can't control who she falls in love with. Hmmm... sounds like a pretty independent minded JW girl to me.

  We have talked a lot more about doctrinal differences and she is willing to hear me out and has expressed genuine curiosity in examining the scriptural basis for my position. The lights went on when I pointed out the absurdity of a religious group formed in the 1900's claiming that they alone have the truth and all other "christians" are wrong. I asked her what Jehovah had been doing for the hundreds of years before- was HE not capable of preserving His truth and his believers all that time? She told me that she thought there were a lot of good people in other faiths and she rejected the idea that these people who love God, like me, would be destroyed. She was a little harsh on Catholics because of all of the scandals with pedophile priests. I then pointed out the JW settlement of a case involving similar child abuses by JW Elders and the NBC show on the subject. She had no idea (of course) and was quite surprised. I tell her these things with gentleness and love, pointing out that there are undoubtedly some bad apples in every faith.

  I may be slightly delusional because she is such a great gal and I have such strong feelings for her, but I really think I can make a difference in this woman's life. She has never had a spirit filled believer as a friend or paramour. Apparently, she has already refused to drink all of the JW Koolaid and she has said that she's not afraid of being disfellowshipped again, if the Elders are upset that she is dating Mr. Kryptonite.

  I've been praying about this a lot lately and I think with love and patience, I might be able to help her break free from the JW bonds.
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  Stuartmc

  Good suggestion (Missinglink) She doesn't have a computer with internet access, but that will be rectified soon. I am going to suggest that she check out this forum.
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  144001

  Counsel,

  Multiple marriages + multiple disfellowshippings + still a believer = you're dating a person with lots of problems.

  Given your assertions that you are an attorney in good enough shape to cause others to believe you're in your 30s, I don't understand why you would want to date someone with such problems. It seems you should have better options. Don't settle for headaches; good things come to those who wait.
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  MissingLink

  I don't get all of the negativity on this forum lately? Are you all so miserable you dont want anyone else to be happy either?

  This man is in love. This is a beautiful thing. We don't have all the details. So telling him to throw her away is a bit heartless.

  Come on people - how about some positive sentiments here. I think we can help this woman.
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  drew sagan

  There are many people out there like her. They have had many social problems within the JW sect, but nothing has ever pushed them to question or doubt that the entire system is true. They usually blame themselves a lot and have low self esteem.
  
  You may be able to show this girl why the JWs are not the truth, but if she doesn't listen or is not interested then you better walk away. JWs that stay on the fence like that usually allways try to go back because they believe the root of their problems is themselves and that life will be better "once I clean myself up for Jehovah".
  
  She leaves the JWs and tries to make herself happy (with non-jw relationships) and when it doesn't work she goes back to the religion. It's a typical pattern.
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  sonny60

  xij28

  You asked

  Why do you say jw's just want to have a good time? Well the reason i say this is because that is all it was with us at the time we had alot of fun and did alot of things together that was fun, BUT then nobody was to know about me!

  You asked so they just like using the heart for the wrong reason? Well i can't say that, what i mean is when they aren't going to the kingdom hall and being with the elders and other people the there group, they do show some love, but once they are fully back into to the watchtower the mind changes and they push you away this is what has happened to me.

  You ask they will feel guilt but then they will return to their religion for help: This is right, but once they are found out from being with a worldly person like my self, they will cut you off really fast. This is what has happened to me also. I am told that this person has the truth and i am on the dark side. That i don't know about god and until i am with the group then i will not know the true God.

  You asked curious because I don't think they are like that right? Well not all people are like that, i am just saying that this person that I was with is like that. You see this person was once an elder of a Hall and he still has family in it. You see when i started dating him he wasn't going to the kingdom hall anymore and he was the most speical person i had ever meet. You see i fell in love with who he was and how much he love the Lord like my self. But come to find out that wasn't enough for him. He wanted me to be a witness also. So i hope this will give you some answers and god bless you. Stay and read more of the story's here they are loving people. Reach out to them, and love them for who they are real people that really care.

  Sonny
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  Hortensia

  so did you come to this forum for advice or validation? Are you looking for a way out or do you want to be told it's OK? It's your life, go live it. It's a difficult thing to be the UBM of a JW, no matter how weak the JW is. There are folks on this forum who are the UBMs of JWs; it's a constant struggle for them to keep the relationship going with all the guilt the JW gets from the org.
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  ESTEE

  Once I read "Crisis of Conscience" I could never go back. It was just too much of an eye-opener for me. If your lady would be willing to read that book, who knows? That book changed my life forever.It is a book you may wish to read for yourself, Mr. Hardcore Evangelical Intellectual.

  Blessings and welcome to the forum. Oh, and keep praying!

  ESTEE
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  Stuartmc

  I'm very grateful to have found this forum. You folks are quite a resource. There were a few questions put to me that I'd like to respond to. I apologize for not remembering or addressing the specific folks that asked.

  I was asked the question of why, being a lawyer and an in shape one at that, I would "settle" for a woman with some obvious issues when there should be other good prospects available. Well, you're right about the prospects. I have lots of female friends and acquaintances, who would be interested in a relationship with me. Their ages range from mid 20's to mid 40's, but none have had that special spark, or chemistry that has made me want to go further. I didn't seek this JW woman out. I didn't "try" to make this happen. It's just one of those interesting things that fell in my lap. I would say "chance," but being a person of faith and having much prayer and support from my family and church, I don't think there was all that much chance involved. She just happens to have the personality and "chemistry" that really does it for me and even if I don't end up being her "man", I will still be her friend. She has several good female friends that are not JW's, but none are knowledgeable persons of faith, so I think she could use one. She already has one foot out of the JW door and maybe, just maybe, God knows what she needs to get the other foot out.

  Did I come here for advice or validation? That was a good point and the answer is advice. I don't need to be validated. I always do my homework before I dive into anything. I will make my own decision on where I will go with this relationship, but I want it to be an "informed" decision.

  For those that say "flee, "run," "run away"...I keep thinking of Monty Pythons Holy Grail. So maybe I need to brake out the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch... "And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin, then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three..." Sorry, just thought we need a little levity. I know there aren't many happy endings in these matters and many of you have had very difficult and heart wrenching experiences. You may be right. Running away now sure would be easy for me. Since the relationship is very new, it wouldn't take me more than a few weeks to get over it. But what of her? If I don't answer the call to show her that there are good men who love God that don't need or want the so called WTS Truth, she may spend the rest of her life struggling with that one foot left in. You see, my decision will be based not only on the reality of the difficulties and the prospects of me making a difference (the information you folks are helping me with), but also on a conviction, after much prayer, that this is what the Lord wants me to do.

  Thanks for the input on Franz's "Crisis of Conscience." I have ordered the book and I look forward to reading it before I give it to my JW girl.
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  cognizant dissident

  Are you sure you want to "love" her or do you want to "save" her? One big problem in any relationship I see, is that you are going in to it with the hopes of changing her views. That's an unrealistic expectation. You don't really "love" her just the way she is right now which is waffling back and forth between "worldly" men and the JW's. By "love" I mean allowing her to be exactly who she is right now, at the place she is right now. You are imagining her changing into something else that you are more compatible with a non-JW that still believes in God. Big red flag to me!

  Cog