Festering Helplessness

indireneed

I wanted to take this opportunity to vent some frustration and ask for suggestions on how to proceed . . .

My wife is just preparing to be baptized this weekend. I have tried to dissuade her numerous times, even preparing a logical argument that I thought was indisputable. Who would have known, the only 'indisputable argument' was hers?

I am in the process of obtaining my MBA degree and plan on pursuing a greedy, debaucherous life of capitalism and corporate wantonness, and she plans on bringing the world to her point of view and then watching those who didn't listen be destroyed by God's hatred.

I read the newspaper daily and books while she spends her life reading Watchtowers, Kingdom Ministries, Books, etc. etc. etc.

I have lost all faith in any God, while she feels that there is nothing without God. But a singular God willing to destroy the billions upon billions who don't even understand him.

I challenge her to think about other things. She refuses and then expects me to capitulate to her point of view. Anytime I bring up a point of view that is contrary to hers, she reminds me that I shouldn't try to change her mind. But why does she spend 16 hours a day trying to change mine?

She tells me she'll be persecuted over the next couple years, which basically means that anything I say to her is Satan speaking through me. Isn't Satan just a little too convenient? Why can't the world just accept the fact that humans are plenty evil enough to cause death, war and destruction themselves?

The latest point of friction is holidays. My family has a strong connection, especially at Christmas. She of course refuses to go, but then leaves me to 'decide' between my family and my wife. She gives me guilt trips about making her go to meeting alone, while I listen to her tell me why she can never go to a bar again, why she doesn't want to see my parents, why she'll never attend a family event on a holiday. Meanwhile, she makes ample use of the holiday seasons to visit her family . . . Funny, isn't it?

We have a good life together when she's not in Watchtower mode, and I love her very much. But I'm watching my wife disappear and the Watchtower doctrine substitute her personality. I hate her and love her at the same time. I want to grab her, tell her she's losing her life, and then finally watch her move on.

I want to wait until she figures it out for herself, since another attack will just end in her hating me and my 'Satanic' ways. But will she ever wise up? Will she ever realize the foolishness of the governing body? Will she sees that there is gray, and not just black and white? When she's 30? When she's 40? Meanwhile, we drift apart but never divorce because she won't leave my side even though she hates what I've become?

Where do I go? What do I say? How do I react? Who do I turn to for comfort?

I'm sick and tired of hating her religion. But I don't want to inflame the occasions when I actually see !her!, and not her religious bias. If she caught me using this site, she'd stop talking for a week. So I use it at work . . .

I just don't see a way out and I thought y'all might have some suggestions.

TR

Do you have children? If not, your beliefs and hopes are too different from your wife's. I would file for divorce. Why spend possibly the rest of your life married to a religion you hate?

THREATENING to divorce her unless she gives up her religion isn't right, I believe. She does have the right to be a JW.

TR

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
—Edmund Burke

nytelecom1

to learn more about why your wife loves being a witness so much
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pettygrudger

It sounds as if she is too close minded to deal with indire. My heart goes out to you. After she's baptized, it will probably get worse.

I've seen other inter-faith relationships work, but it takes a level of maturity that it appears your wife doesn't have. She is using emotional "blackmail" to make you behave the way she wants you to. I would suggest that you use her own teachings in regards to this, and show her that you are the "head of the household", and that it goes against her religion to use the silent treatment, guilt trips et. all to coerce you into doing things you don't want to do.

But, much worse, what will happen if you have children? You both need to discuss this, because if you think its bad now, wait until your children are included in this tug-of-war.

It sounds as if another heart-wrenching discussion is in order - before she becomes baptized. Decisions must be made NOW, before you have children.

If she is unwilling to listen to logical arguments, then she will not hear.

This is a very difficult situation indire.....I hope for the best for both of you.

P.S. Forbid her to go this weekend until you can come to a mutual/respectful decision. You are the head of the household!

SixofNine

Man o man, your post almost made me cry. Not so much from sadness, but from an understanding of the frustration level you are dealing with.

I don't have any advice really, you seem to have realized that you have to back off a bit.

I think perhaps Hillary might have some good advice for you. If I am correct, he stayed in the org for a very long time with the intent of getting his wife out. Different circumstances, but perhaps you can learn something from his experience to shorten the duration of her illness.

TR

Good points, petty.

Maybe I was too hasty with my "divorce" idea, indire, but look whats ahead of you. Man, I feel for you.

I will say though, when I became a witness, my wife, who wasn't a JW, stuck with me for 11 turbulent JW years because we started to have children right away. If we didn't have kids, I'm sure she would have left me.

Now things are different since I left the JWs. You can choose to hold on to her, but it might be a long, rough road. She may not fight a divorce, knowing that she would possibly be free to marry a JW.

It's hard, believe me, I know from personal experience. If she's willing to hurt your marriage by becoming a JW, maybe you should just cut and run.

TR

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
—Edmund Burke

You Know

You are not as well informed about God as you imagine. You have a very distorted picture of how and why this world comes to an end. You say you read the newspapers every day, do you? And are you now informed about the nature and future of humanity? I think not. It amazes me, especially in light of the growing storm clouds gathering over the world, that most people just assume that the system is going to go on and on. There is no rational reason for such a view. It is just wishful thinking. The papers and news reports I am reading are discussing the very real possibility of nuclear attacks upon the United States. Only a fool, which admittedly there are many, would deny the very real danger and even liklihood that at some point the unthinkable will occur. One very real possiblity, which surprisingly even the typically hogwash-filled mainstream media are reporting on, is that Taliban supporters may stage a coup in Pakistan and thereby get control of that nation's 40 or so nuclear warheads. Such a thing is not a remote possibility. But, if it occurs, could concievably result in a preemptive first strike on the part of India and who knows what would happen after that? There are of course numerous other scenarios that are quite plausable.

Jesus and the other prophets whom Jehovah inspired to pre-record history foretold long ago that this present civilization will come to a termination in what the Bible calls the great tribulation. It's described as the worst period of distress and blood-letting since humankind was put on earth. The tribulation is not caused by God arbitrarily losing his temper and streaking down out of heaven laying waste to innocent women and children. The tribulation is the natural culmination of centuries of human greed, stupidity, and blind hatred. Jehovah simply steps in at some point during the holocaust and destroys those who refuse to seek his salvation and who are responsible for the violence in one way or the other. By saving only those relative few who obey God it is therefore assured that the world will never return to the deplorable state that it is in now.

You Know

NameWithheld

La la la, it's time for the daily dose of gloom and doom from resident clown Booby King.

Have you quaked in fear, afraid to go on with life yet today? How much would you pay for the awesome privledge of being told that you and 6 billion other humans would die a horrible death Very Soon Now(TM)? But wait, there's more!! For a limited time, you get not only a message of death and destruction, but if you act now, a free helping of self-doubt and loathing will be included for NO EXTRA CHARGE!

Now how much would you pay?

LDH

Dire need:

Posters you may wish to ignore include FredHall, YouKnow, NYTelecom.

As for your situation, if you have the money you'd better have your wife kidnapped and taken to one of those brainwashing camps before it's too late.

Once she's baptised, she stands to loose all of her friends and family if she makes a mistake or commits a sin that the kangaroo court determines merits spiritual death.

I am so sorry. How old are you and wife?

Lisa

Nathan Natas

How long have you been married?

As a capitalist, I'm sure you are familiar with the concept of "cutting your losses." Ask yourself, "knowing what I know today, would I invest in this relationship?"

You have your life in front of you - a life free from the machinations of imaginary invisible gods - and you can find someone else to share that life with who wil appreciate your hard work and intelligence instead of arguing with you and giving credit to god for all the good you have accomplished. Your wife has decided to become a parasite attached to your wallet. In exchange for your support, she will give you toxic grief and guilt that you are the one who is not "good enough."

She wants "persecution." Let her depend fully on her god for food and shelter. When he ignores her pleas, she'll feel terrific.

Yes, it will hurt. Yes, you'll recover.

Festering Helplessness

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