My mind has been twisting for a few months now. I suppose I am trying to fill the void left by the faith I’ve lost. That is all but gone. But I am trying to make sense of what is. That is proving very elusive.
I don’t really want to get into a heated debate about evolution and creation. I hate it when those threads get so dogmatic. I mean, who knows for sure? But this is my take. Please be gentle…..
My dilemma is I can’t get my head around evolution. I have not looked deep enough into it yet, but I am having to, being I have no answers. But for me, the "first cause" lets that theory down (Not the big bang, but the first organism to exist). I have read a few explanations about the "first cause" but it didn’t really stick with me personally. Links between species is another part of evolution that I would like to know more about, but it does seem funny that there is not more fossilisation that shows the links between species, if any, although I have been told that there is evidence. I would like to see more of that kind of evidence if there is.
So that is a little about how I view evolution. But now this is the other side of how I feel.
When I look at creation, and even when I was a JW, I used to look at the way that things were created and wonder however someone who was a "loving creator" could make things the way that they are. There was always the theory that things are not like they were before the fall from grace, and especially after the flood, things changed in the creation that would cause life for the rest of creation to be different. I am talking about the way that animals rip each other apart just so that they could eat. I was supposed to believe that there were no animals that ate meat before the flood and it was only out of the necessity that they did it after, but it was going to go back to the way that it was before the fall from grace. That was a very nice way to view it. But I never bought into the theory that it was the flood that change things so dramatically. I mean, why do the big cats run so fast if all they needed to eat was "straw" as the bible claims? Why is it that nature has such a brilliant way of catching its prey, if all it was really supposed to eat is fruit? You get where I am coming from…..
I look at creation and the way that it is, and I can only explain away how it is by evolution. I never thought I would see the day I would say it, but how can you see a god of any worth making things as brutal as the creation is all around us? Loving he is definitely not, bearing in mind the fate that many of his creative works have to suffer. And it could only have been designed that way.
I can’t fit nature into a god of love, but evolution explains away creation so perfectly. There is the kinder part of life I know, and it is not all just brutality, but at the end of the day, you watch any nature program and there is always a part that perturbs me as to how brutal it is. I used to turn a blind eye. But I was only fooling myself….
So now I can’t buy god either, at least what I thought was god. But why would anyone make things as they are, even if there is a god, but a cruel one??? It makes no sense at all…..
I doubt both theories now and just don’t know what to believe at all. Not easy when you have had faith, and when you are missing it…..
P.S. Does anyone know of any other theories apart from these two….??? (plausible ones. No "tin foil" hats please. LOL)