Shunning, the latest from my oh so righteous family

Pistoff

I should say my wife's family.

I have a child (active witness) getting married this year. One of my other adult children is disfellowshipped; he is invited to the wedding, not the reception. (I have not given any input on the planning; I have left it to the bride and groom to decide who to invite).

Here is the kicker: the wedding is set to be at our home in the country. Well, since it is not in the kingdom hall, the in laws say they cannot attend if the DF'd son is there. If the wedding is at the hall, they can go.

This says to me that they care, not about the fact that he is there, but how it looks to outsiders; that the venue dictates to them if it is "OK" to go.

They certainly have the choice to NOT see him in either case; they can stay away from the hall if they know he will be there.

I am always astonished by the complete idiocy of the average witness when it comes to DF'ing.

Even when I was active, I did not tow the line when it came to treatment of df'd ones.

cognac

What in the heck is the difference between a d'f person being at the kh or a home???

marmot

Just be thankful you get to be a part of the wedding. My ultra-dub "I'm so faithful even my farts smell zealous" friend didn't invite his own father to his wedding and purposefully blocked him from entering.

oompa

Assure them he will be dressed as an artificial tree somewhere in the corner of the room so they can attend................oompa.....geeze

Pistoff

I know that is common, Marmot; my brother, df'd for a time but back in when 2 of his children were married, was not invited to the wedding.

But if you try to tell a dub that being a witness is hard on the family, you will get a blank stare.

Cognac: what is the difference indeed? The appearance of being righteous I guess; can't stay away from the hall for any reason. The official line may be that it is a public event, but that is bollocks; they can remove anyone they want at any time for any reason.

Wasanelder Once

The difference is, Kingdom Hall is a public place, any schmoe can enter. Home indicates welcome by homeowner to invited ones. All others are intruders. If a DF person comes to the Hall it doesn't indicate approval, just entry by public who are always welcome at the Hall and not hindered from God's house. If DF person comes to home of Witness or others it indicates welcome, not to be done or sanctioned by Witnoids... You don't remember that? Silly people they are. W.Once

OnTheWayOut

Sorry to hear that the in-laws are so strict with the JW rules.
I am happy to hear that this is not your decision, but that of the bride and groom.

Use it to point out how silly the in-laws are.

I wish you well.

Pistoff

Thanks, Was and OTWO.

My point about the hall is: if the in laws are sticklers about not seeing the df'd son, they can stay away from the hall. The kingdom hall excuse is a weasel act; they can be at the wedding, ignore the untouchable and thus have it both ways.

So I understand the KH's view of it, just am objecting to the hypocritical stance of the inlaws.

I have discussed their views with them before about my son. The problem is that they are NOT strict about other gray areas. When my children were younger, these same in laws pressured us to go to their relatives' funerals and weddings in churches, the stand up and sit down type; we have sat through the doxology at the dinner table, the whole shebang. Why did we do it? Because the MIL wanted to be there, and wanted us to be there. We did it out of respect for her, and her desire to feel connected to family.
Now when the time has come for her to sit through something SHE is not comfortable with, NO NO NO.
And the FIL? He always has the same response: he will talk to (elder this one or elder that one) and get back to me. I tell him: make up your own mind, don't ask for someone else to do it.

We used to be close, in laws and me. Not any more.

Here is what gets me: my MIL got a bunch of us young ones hammered before any of us were married, feeding us the 20% wine; FIL and MIL are heavy drinkers. So it is not like they are sticklers in every part of their life.

I have been able so far to just ignore their take on things. This one feels like too much of a snub to ignore.

My df'd son, btw, has many years clean from drugs, has a BS and is married with a child; non smoker.

His only mistake: getting baptized when he was 15. Those family members considered slackers and not interested in baptism can smoke, drink, abandon their children and fit in JUST FINE with the in laws.
The same year my in laws refused to come to my son's wedding they traveled across country to visit worldly relatives, and connect up with the unbaptized son of a witness friend who joined the Navy.
WTF??

Grrr.

OnTheWayOut

The problem is that they are NOT strict about other gray areas.

Then they are using this wedding as an excuse to "guilt" the baptized DF'ed son to
return to Jehovah, OR they are using the DF'ed son as a reason to make the bride
and groom switch to a Kingdom Hall wedding, OR BOTH.

Just point out their hypocrisy as you have done here.

Layla33

What hypocrisy, me, I would say, "well if that's how you feel about it..."

I have learned that when it comes to weddings and funerals in the JW religion, they exert such ridiculous mindless control over others or "try to", that I have seen people go to emotional pieces over it. Me? I take the power away from the beginning, they will not work their nonsense with the rheotric at all.

Shunning, the latest from my oh so righteous family

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