What Homophobia REALLY means.

by darkuncle29 82 Replies latest jw friends

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  VoidEater

  JG:

  I have been insulted beyond belief on this board by several posters all because I don't buy into their political agenda.

  And that is sad, and tyrannical of them. But I for one have thought I was a supporter of you, whenever I've come across you on threads.

  I don't know all of your story. I'm not sure I need to know, though I'd welcome a PM.

  My understanding of "homophobia" (yes, as bastardized a word as "homosexual" is, but it's what we've got for now) is that it is unreasoned fear or loathing. Considered hatred is something else. Sadder, in my opinion. Anti-Semetism comes to mind, in both unreasoned fear and considered hatred varieties.

  Homophobia, then, is generally the result of frustrated deep-seated beliefs (unconcscious, for the most part) - just as any true phobia. Often, the phobia can be regulated or mastered by bringing the conflict to the surface, and resolving it.

  Often, that conflict is between unconscious needs of denial opposing interest or attraction. The needs of denial are usually imprinted prohibitions (societal or familial) or uncertainties regarding masculinity (what it means to be a man, what men are allowed to do, what must be done to prove manliness).

  So, as far as I know you, you do not exhibit homophobia. If I had been treated as you, I might have a similar hatred for fundamental Christians (oops, I was treated like you...but I continue to learn that individual Christians have treated me poorly, not all Christians). I hope that you might continue to distinguish between individuals and groups, as I continue to struggle with this.

  Is the Uncle relative you mention here the person that I think you have described as a pagan that abused your family so much?

  I do find the use of the term "homosexual lifestyle" curious, though. What is this? I realize you may have not been exposed to many gay people and may have a limited view of what it means to be gay, to live as a gay man, as opposed to taking a walk on the other side of the street for a while...

  Respectfully -Void
• 

  Junction-Guy

  Void Eater, no not you. You are not who I am speaking of.
  
  I have:
  
  1. A stepgrandpa that is anti-gay (not religious)
  
  2. An Ex-Stepfather that is anti-gay (non religious) He was the abusive one.
  
  3. A JW (non baptized) great uncle who is anti-gay.
  
  Neither of these 3 are closet homosexuals, but if they were to come on this site they most likely would be accused of being a closet case.
  
  You can't say that just because someone is opposed to homosexuality that they are secretly gay.
• 

  VoidEater

  Hi JG:

  I was trying to make a distinction: homophobia, an unreasoning fear or loathing (probably due to unconscious material), is indeed often an overcompensation for homosexual feelings.

  Conscious hatred is just a choice.

  Cheers -Void
• 

  darkuncle29

  JG- My comments were not aimed your direction.

  Let me reiterate that I don't believe that all homophobes are gay. And I also agree that the term itself is contrived and overused. But its the word that is in common usage and most people understand what's being spoken about.

  For men that don't like gay men, speaking about it may be normal, but going off on the topic every hour or so, repeating what Rush Pigbaugh spews, and trying to pin the label liberal so and so to it...to me that's just protesting too much. Why would sexuality be on somone's mind unless it was something that really got into their craw so to speak?
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  Layla33

  Darkuncle,

  I really applaud you writing from such an informed and rational perspective. Whenever I read or hear about homophobia, I know exactly where it is coming from and it does more harm than good.
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  Junction-Guy

  If that last paragraph about Rush Pigbaugh and liberals was about me, then I can give my answer for that---. It isnt the sexuality part that makes me more in tune with the gay topics on here, it is the christian bashing and the bible bashing by the gays, but more specifically the atheist gays.
  
  
  And yes I already knew this whole topic wasnt about me, I just kinda figured you had someone else in mind
• 

  darkuncle29

  If I'm considered to be "homophobic", then know this---I was much less homophobic before I ever accepted that I was SSA'd. My "homophobia" is more or less a reaction to my dealings with the homosexual people/culture.
  
  As far as I know, I never once said anything negative about the homosexual lifestyle, no preaching, no judgementalism. It wasn't until the crappy way I was treated by the gays and the atheists, that a backlash ensued.
  
  I have been insulted beyond belief on this board by several posters all because I don't buy into their political agenda.

  JG- thinking back now, I remember the various threads where you and others have gotten into it. I know you've met some not cool gays in real life, lets face it they were bitches. Move past them, not all of us are like them, although today I am kinda feeling the goddess.

  To your middle comment, it just goes to show that any group of humans can be so stuck in their own box to not see the bigger picture, or treat others with dignity.

  If I've insulted you, I'm sorry, I'll say it again, my comments were not aimed at you. When I was composing that you were not even on my radar.

  Politically, I think we'd be better served by wiping the slate clean and starting over. I hold to no party, but I can see how others will think me liberal.
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  Junction-Guy

  Darkuncle, rest assured you havent offended me in the least. Of all the gay posters on here, you seem to be much more balanced, and you have treeated me with much more respect than some of the 'straight" posters on here, especially the atheist types.
  
  I have no ill feelings toward you at all my friend.
• 

  darkuncle29

  I really applaud you writing from such an informed and rational perspective. Whenever I read or hear about homophobia, I know exactly where it is coming from and it does more harm than good.

  Thanks Layla, I was having one of my rare lucid moments. I do feel that it is important to state, that no topic concerning humans can be distilled or simplified down without loosing great nuances of meaning. Like the Tao Te Ching states, the thing that can be named is not the true thing. Another way of saying that is that the label or name is only a reference, it has none or little of the essence.
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  Layla33

  That's why I hate labels, with a passion. It's like once someone can label you, then they make all these assumptions regarding who you are, what you think, where you came from, etc. Can't we learn to accept people as they introduce themselves to you without having to resort to all the categorizes and dissection? Imagine how much better we as humanity could be without all of that...