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Discipline
by LouBelle 30 Replies latest jw friends
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lisavegas420
Now when I observe children throwing tantrums, screaming verbal abuse at their parents and the parents just keep trying to "shush" the child, I shake my head and think to myself that these parents are being far too soft and a smack on the bum is needed. If there is no discipline children may grow up into disrespectful teens that may grow up into adults that can't be bothered about the fellow human, law, nor take responsibilty for the actions and so on.
When my son threw tantums and screaming, it was because some situations, people, lights, smells, feels, freaked him out. So he acted out. My choices were to get though what I needed to do as quickly as possible, or leave. Eventurally, I did have to get groceries, or whatever.
When I see kids acting uncontrollably, I ask if there's anything I can do to help. Sometimes, just the distraction and knowing that people are watching him, was just enough to change his acting out...for a minute.
lisa
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jgnat
I don't think it's the method of discipline, but consistency and expectations. That's what made the "old way" work. Parents knew they were an authority, and they were unafraid to enforce it. Now, if you have clear boundaries and follow through, no matter how silly it makes you look as a parent, your kids will mind.
I had a few disastrous trips to the mall before I sat down and analysed the situation. I tackled the problem from several angles. Here's the rules I lived by.
1. Don't wear the child out from an overly long mall trip. They have limited attention and limited energy reserves. This is the parent's responsibility.
2. Talk about expectations BEFORE the trip. I'd have a little talk in the car before we went in. I would show them the small reward I had packed in my purse. They would only get it if they behaved. I listed behavior that would get them reward, and what would take it away. (Don't take things from the shelf. No whining or crying. Don't run away from mommy.)
3. A very, very few times I had to take my child to the bathroom to discipline. This worked less well than the clearly defined reward. I had to follow through, though, no matter how embarrasing it was to deal with in public.
But the most important thing, I was in control, I laid out clear expectations, and I followed through.
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mrsjones5
Parents knew they were an authority, and they were unafraid to enforce it. Now, if you have clear boundaries and follow through, no matter how silly it makes you look as a parent, your kids will mind.
That's it!
I watch Supernanny (which my kids love for some reason and I have to tape it every week cuz it comes on after their bedtime) and most of the problems that come up on that show is because of a lack of boundry setting by the parents. They want to be their childrens' friend but for some reason believe that it means no boundries or structure for the children which results in the children running wild, being disrespectful, being distructive, violent, and very unhappy. Jo, the Supernanny, comes in and shows these parents how to parent, not how to be mean but how to set boundries and enforce them, respectfully and the amazing thing is the kids respond and seem to be much happier.
I like the show too.
Josie
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Witness 007
There have been times in the supermarket where I've seen parent dumbfounded and kids having a tantrum over candy and Ive almost yelled; Yeah I'll give you some CHOCALATE!" And spanked them with a Toblerone choclate bar. But I have to pull myself away and bite my tongue.
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momzcrazy
I agree with Aly. I allow them to question me, to a point. If we are in a situation where obedience is mandatory, I tell them do it now, don't ask why. I am getting attitude from my almost 13 yr old. But I clamp down on that with words and reminders that I am mom, not a school buddy. As a last resort with all of them, I take things away. Their most prized possesion usually. Repeat offences are rare. I am usually by myself with them, their dad is gone alot. So I need good behavior from my older kids and cooperation. They know that they are vital to the smooth running of the house, and that gives them a sense of responsibility.
Now, my son is another story all together. I haven't quite got him figured out. It is a day to day with him. But he is also 2 1/2. Usually a hug, a snack or a nap fix his issues.
momz
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babygirl75
Jo, the Supernanny, comes in and shows these parents how to parent, not how to be mean but how to set boundries and enforce them, respectfully and the amazing thing is the kids respond and seem to be much happier.
I watch that show occasionaly with my son. I like it, but sometimes it makes my blood boil...
It's amazing how these parents don't have any form of discipline. Because of their lack of, the kids hit & sass them and destroy the house. I'd love to get ahold of some of these kids and give them a good spanking. (Not a beating, a spanking, for all you non-believing in discipline). My husband always says "let them live in our house for a week and they will be different kids".
You have to have some kind of rules & schedule for your kids. You also have to start when they are little, not wait until they are older & giving you trouble, by then it could be too late.
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crapola
I think if children were disciplined in the right way, there would fewer problems as teenagers, but who can say what the right way is. Guess it differs for all children. When my 2 kids were growing up I used to spank them and took away some of the things they liked to do. But I found out that a good old fashioned spanking with abelt or flyswatter did more good than anything. My son reads this site, so he will get a kick out of remembering that. Anyway, they are both now really well adjusted adults with kids of their own and they turned out just fine, so spank away. It does'nt hurt a thing.
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babygirl75
I agree Crapola!!!!
My son is 9yrs old and everywhere we go I get compliments on how well behaved he is. I was at the nail salon last night for 1 1/2 hr. He sat still in his chair and played games on my cell phone and didn't bother anyone and was so patient to wait! I don't have to spank him very often, I can't remember the last spanking he had to have, but the key is to start when they are young and they know the boundaries.
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mrsjones5
My seven year old is a cub scout.
At his last den meeting they got to paint wooden picture frames and wooden stars to glue on the frames. The den mother's son was sitting at my son's table right next to him. I like the den mother, a very sweet lady, but her son is a handful with a non-stop mouth.
So the boys are painting away, they finish painting the frames a bright primary blue and then start on the stars using a primary yellow. As they are painting the stars den mother's son starts mixing the paints, "Look I can make green!". His mother suggests to him to stop since he's really done with painting and he cheerfully ignores her. Den mother's son then says to my son 'Hey, you can mix the paints too!" My son says "I can't" I had just told him not to but to finish his painting so we could move on to the next thing we had to do. Den mother's son asks why not and my son replies "Because my mom said no." I'm standing there between the two of them listening to this. Then that little boy says to my son (like I'm not even there) "Well I can so you can too" with a big smile on his face and my son retorts "No, I can't" very clearly and calmly, end of paint conversation.
My son is no fool.
Josie