disfellowshiped jw's relationship

vat152

hi all i'm new to this so be patient with me please.

i'm not a jw and never will be but my partner is although she was disfelllowshiped some years ago for adultry with someone other than me which jed to a divorce from her husband (who is still a jw), this happpened about 8 years ago, she then went into a relationship which turned violent and abusive, this ended a couple of years ago.

i met her just over 12 months ago and fell head over heals in love with her and i have proposed to her and we are due to be married in july this year, we have a good relationship except for one thing, the bedroom activities. she tells me that it makes her feel dirty and cheap and refuses to put her arms around me unless i am covered up with clothes or the quilt, any type of skin contact is a no no, we do occassionaly make love but she hates it.

the thing i want to clear up is this, she is devout about the religion and the wt although she doesn't attend any meetings. i am led to believe that if a disfellowshiped jw shows repent they are allowed back into the kingdom hall, i know that she would like to be allowed back into the religion, do you think that she is trying to show repent by not making any skin contact with me whilst we are out of wedlock?

i should point out that we do live together and share the same bed, this is a big concern of mine and i am in need of help/guidence.

thanks.

GoingGoingGone

Welcome vat152!

Was your fiance raised as a JW? It sounds like she's out in body, but still believes it's "the Truth." If that's the case, she's at risk of returning to the JWs at some point in the future, and that is NOT something you want to happen.

Do you think she'd come to this site? She needs to understand why the WT is false. There are many other sites she could get information from... www.beyondjw.com is a good one to start with. www.freeminds.com has tons of information. Lots and lots of others. But imho, if you marry her while she still believes the WT is the "truth", you are in for heartache down the line.

I'm sure others here will have a lot to say, too.

Good luck to you!

GGG

vat152

i doubt very much that she will visit this site as she WILL NOT here any thing bad about jw's full stop, i know that she loves me dearly but i am convinced tht she is more in love with the jw faith, she was brought up as a jw and she has 2 sons that also follow he faith, she visits her sons regularly which means she come in contact with her ex-husband and i am worried that he is influencing her towards the faith although she denies it

Gopher

Hi Vat152, welcome to the forum and sorry to hear of the situation with this lady.

I might direct you to a couple of threads:

Best of I'm married to / dating a JW http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/32/77159/1.ashx

Society interferes in marriage http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/23689/1.ashx

It sounds like she's being pulled back into the JW vortex. It's very hard to escape. She's anxious about certain intimacy - maybe because she really believes Jehovah is watching, and they always feel that things done in secret somehow become known to the elders. I know, I grew up as a JW.

If you continue with her, and if she continues her trek back towards the JW's, eventually she may come to feel that Jehovah and the organization (Watchtower and its structure) are more important than marriage is. She will believe that you will be destroyed in the soon-to-come day of Armageddon unless you submit to the Watchtower and its organization (something you won't want to do -- please read this forum to see how dangerous it is).

If she keeps on the same track, your odds of happiness together are slim and none.

jamiebowers

The sex being dirty thing makes me wonder if she was molested as a child. I would check into that possiblity if I were you. If she was, you have another kettle of fish to fry before trying to deprogram her. Also since she has kids that are in the custody of her JW ex-husband, I wonder if her faith in the religion may have more to do with wanting a full, good relationship with her sons than anything else. Her being disfellowshipped has to be a strain on their relationship. Be careful with your heart, because the pull of this cult along with a natural desire to be close to her kids is very stong. She very well may go back, and it will be a complete nightmare for you. If you two are married by then, her reinstatement will cause even greater divides in your relationship than there are now. If you aren't married, she will leave you behind in the dust (she won't have a choice in the matter).

Maddie

Welcome vat152 to JWD - I will try to answer you but it sounds like you have a very complicated situation and there could be a number of reasons why your fiance may have this problem with the intimate side of your relationship. What you probably don't realise is that the JW's is a high mind control religion, in other words it is a cult.

Although your fiance was disfellowshipped and is living with you now, you say that she still defends/believes in their teachings and that you suspect she may want to go back. If this is the case then she has many conflicting thoughts and emotions over her relationship with you at the moment because for her to be reinstated as a JW she could not be having a relationship with you or live with you without being married. Also she knows that to be a JW and married to someone who is not a JW is not approved of and would cause very serious problems anyway because of the way of life a JW has to live.

I don't know how much you know about the JW's but I suggest you do some research to know what you are up against. It would also help your fiance to know the truth about the Organisation as it may help free her from the mind control. There is a great deal of information available on the internet now which has helped many of us on JWD, and keep posting here for support and information.

I hope this helps and I wish you well

Maddie

Hope4Others

I think you need to look a little deeper, there are definite issues she is carrying maybe from childhood perhaps molestation. This is not a normal reaction with someone you

care about. These feelings need to be addressed before you reach the point of no return.

Best Wishes

Hope4Others

LouBelle

If she believes it's still the truth she will hold to the ""no sex before marriage"" rule. And she is probably trying to resist temptation. There are a number of other things that the witness consider taboo when it comes to sex - yes even in marriage - so best you really ""arm"" yourself with information so thaty ou know what you are up against.

Oh and welcome to the board.

vat152

thank you all for your response and advise, i am in no doubt whatsoever that she loves me and after a discussion with her yesterday i do believe that i am a little more at ease in so far as she tells me that she doesn't seem to believe in the wt so much but wants to serve god (the jw way). i actually suggested that the watchtower were nothing but a bunch of brain washers, i didn't get a response but i think if she were to be a follower of the watchtower i am convinced that she would have deffended it feircely. i have also said that i think that jw's are a nothing more than a binch of hippercrits who only believe that there way is the right way and can see no wrong in anything they do, again i think if she were a full blown jw i think that an argument would have ensued. basically what i was doing here is testing the water to see how she would react.

on another note someone mentioned being molested as a child, she was raped as a teeneger and kept he child, her last relationship before me involved beatings and sexual abuse.

my concern was mainly the fact that she will not even put her arms around me unless i am covered up, i have to cuddle her in bed whilst she has her back to me and if my leg touches hers she moves out of the way, this is what i find difficult to deal with especially as she tells me that she is head over heals in love with me, i just wondered if it was some sort of way of her repenting her sins so as to be re-instated back to jw and the kingdom hall.

please excuse any speling mistakes.

sustainedhaze

Make sure when you attack the society, you do it in a well informed way. By this I mean that it is best to back up your claims with proof, and belive me it's not hard to find. Show her how the org is hypocritical, show her about their documented flip-flops, but don't just say it. Some are good at defending their faith, up until you start showing the proof. Even so, it can be very hard as the programming runs deep, and fear of apostate associations is strong.

disfellowshiped jw's relationship

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