disfellowshiped jw's relationship (page 2)

Sirona

JWs don't see the difference between the Watchtower and God because they think that the "society" (Watchtower society) is Gods mouthpiece on earth and they are the only ones who teach the "truth". This is why she denies being bothered about the watchtower and just says she is trying to serve god. For her, serving god is going back to the JWs (Watchtower) because they're the only ones with the truth.

As for sex. I hate to say this but have you considered that if she didn't have this JW dilemma (these feelings of guilt) she wouldn't actually be marrying you ? She might be wanting to get legally married JUST to be able to continue the relationship with you and have sex with you without guilt......and not because she is 100% sure of the marriage itself. Also if she is married she can go back to the hall and they will let her back in....but they would NOT let her back in if she was not married to you. Please don't be annoyed at this suggestion. I have known EX JWS who have had boyfriends and live with those boyfriends and even though they don't TRULY want to marry the guy they still talk about marrying them just so that they can be approved of by the JWs or their JW family.

So if she is faced with either leaving you or marrying you, she will pick marrying you even if she isn't really sure.

Sirona

loosie

I think there is more to it than the religion. While she is in the df'd state it doesn't matter what morality she keeps. Only while she is in the group is when it matters. I'm afraid though w/o some outside help this attitude towards sex may not change even after you are married.

How much of this are you willing to put up with?

vat152

thank you once again for your replies, i'm affraid this whole thing is becoming some what mind blowing, the more i look into it the more confused i get. firstly i want to say that i don't wish to attack anyone or any religion for that matter i have always maintained that what people do is their business until it affects me personally, i am just trying to understand what the jw's are all about and wether this is/could be the right thing for me and that doesn't mean i intend to follow the jw faith because i never wil because from what i have learn't upto now i am not impressed.

I am not offended by the idea that she might be marrying me to be acccepted back into the hall, it had crossed my mind already and maybe because of the way i feel about her there is a little denial going on one or both our parts, i don't know, what did cross my mind and i still wonder is could she be holding back on sexual/intamacy side of things until we are married because the it would be illigitamate.

strange thing has happened since my last post which has made me wonder even more about our relationship and that is when we first got together i didn't know she was a jw and she asked me if there was any religion i didn't like and straight away like a bull in a china shop i said jehovah's witness but that was probably because i said i didn't understand it, then it became obvious that she was one and i said that i would have ago at understanding it, i think that gave her hope, now if you read my earlier post you will see that i attacked jw's and since then she seems to have backed off a little but still she says that she loves me dearly.

my next move is to put a dilema in her hands by stating that this one and only god in my veiw is there to guide, help and LOVE all mankind so therefore why do jw's want christians, catholics, and anyone else for that matter to be known as a follower of satan and believe they will perish in the so called armagedon and wont support various charities and even let there own kin die? watch this space!!

jwfacts

we do occassionaly make love but she hates it.
the thing i want to clear up is this, she is devout about the religion and the wt although she doesn't attend any meetings. i am led to believe that if a disfellowshiped jw shows repent they are allowed back into the kingdom hall, i know that she would like to be allowed back into the religion, do you think that she is trying to show repent by not making any skin contact with me whilst we are out of wedlock?
i should point out that we do live together and share the same bed, this is a big concern of mine and i am in need of help/guidence

If she was trying to show repentence she would not even share a bed with you. A JW can be disfellowshipped for staying with someone of the opposite sex, regardless of whether or not they have sex, because it causes stumbling to others who would assume you had sex. There is no way she can be reinstated whilst you too live under the same roof as an unmarried couple.

It suggests to me that she has sexual issues. Are you able to be with a partner that is unable to have a healthy sex life with you?

vat152

hi jwfacts

i do strongly believe that i can be patient about the sexual side of our relationship provided that it IS a sexual problem and not a problem that is related to any form of religion, i know that a lot of jw's hide the very fact that they are indeed a jw which makes me doubt that religion, my concern is that i would be used as some sort of justification by her to show her god that she was being a good jw by repenting until we were married, if that makes any sense.

if it is purely a sexual problem i would go through life with her through thick and thin because i do love her something rotten.

cheers

VoidEater

Welcome, vat:

She must be dealing with two issues: if she wants to be a good JW, she cannot have sex with you until you are married; and, she very much seems to be suffering from a PTSD-type condition from the abuse. At least that's what things look like from here. The two combine to make sexual intimacy a guilt-ridden experience, full of reminders of her abuse

For what it's worth, she really needs professional help. Once she gets through the abuse issues (and it could take years), she then may be able to decide what to do about intimate relationships, and religion. But she needs to deal with the abuse first, before being made to confront other decisions.

As I would think you already are, use a lot of caution around the issues of sex and physical intimacy. Encourage her to get professional help, so you two can be equals in deciding where your lives go from here.

loosie

I agree with void eater. She should get help for the abuse/intimacy issues first. That will help her look at things clearly. Once she does that hopefully she will decide not to go back to the jw's. Jw's hurt way more than they help!!!!!

Balsam

I suspect her issues though tied into the Jehovah's Witnesses religion is much much deeper. Something is seriously wrong and she has suffered some possible abuse or something for her to feel the way she does.

Balsam

R.Crusoe

Confidence in sexuality - a perfectly natural phenomena - gets painfully warped and crushed by some WT speak and values as well as possibly life events or lack of male attention at 'sexually ripe' periods in ones existence. It can make one feel unworthy of receiving sexual attraction! It can make it implausible that another finds one sexually appealing! It takes time and attention and caring to help such a person feel that you really do find them most attractive and want them for their appearance especially when naked!

Maybe that is part of it? I know it well!

vat152

the abuse side of things is very painful for her to cope with and professional help has been talked about before and she half agreed that this could be what is needed although she feels scared to re-live her trauma all over again which understandable, but, i have said no pain no gain.

i have aslo read a list of 101 don't for jw's and on this list is jw's should not recieve counsiling, can anyone tell me if this is fact or fiction please and could this be the reason that she has not attempted to get counsiling of any sort?

we had a very heated argument today about the whole issue and i tackled the possibility of her not being allowed back into the kingdom hall again because firstly she commited adultry which ended in divorce and secondly she unrrepentedly commited the act fornication with a non jw and thirdly she is now involved with me another non believer, i said that the watchtower organisation would take a very dim view of this and that it may be likely that she will never be allowed back into the congregation, when i asked for her opinion on this she said that she had never thought of it like that and that it scared her to think that that might happen because that would mean the end of life for her, she was reffering to the so called armageddon, i then asked her outright, if she had a choice between me and the jw religion which would you choose? her answer was that it was an unfair question, speaks for itself don't you think?

disfellowshiped jw's relationship

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