Hello again everybody ! This is kind of a secondary thread to the one I started about my conversation with my mom the other day about the Bethel thing with my older brother !
So, my mom starts talking with me about my dad 82, an elder in the congregation for 53 years being drained and exhausted , and stressed as he has no help in his book study he conducts ! As some of you know , my sister, who lives near my parents just had a stroke , and my mom and dad have been having to help her out with her house, feed the cat while she is in physical therapy - and drive down an hour one way to see my sister in physical therapy , a lot to do for them being 80 and 82 ! A lot on their plate !
So, I asked my mom , " Have you talked with my brother in your congregation ( an elder ) to get relief for dad ? He isn't young and needs to take care of my sister and you right now . Don't the other elders offer to help ? Are you guys alone in dealing with my sisters health issues ? " She said, " Some of the friends have called, but don't offer too much in the way of help. They are so busy with their lives. " Then I said, " Dad even needs to realize his limitations and not feel guilty about slowing down his congregation activities. And let younger brothers with good health take over and help out. " She said she would try to talk with my dad about slowing down.
The point I want to make is it irritates me so much that the Witness religion puts so much guilt and pressure on even older members that they feel indebted to keep pushing, pushing, pushing themselves till they drop in the ground , dead ! So, I hope my mom can convince my dad to slow down - or my older brother can take some load off him by getting other brothers to help out ! My wife and I live 4 to 5 hours away , and with my self employed work, I can't get away to help more as I'd like. Do any of you have suggestions ? Have you gone through this with aged witness parents where guilt is laid on them to be supermen and superwomen ? I just think - way too much pressure is put on them . I look forward to your comments and thoughts as always. Hope you are doing well
Told My Mom- "Dad's Got Too Much Load on Him as a 82 Year Old Elder "
by flipper 38 Replies latest jw friends
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flipper
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Hope4Others
I do not have any magic words of wisdom I'm afraid. My step dad is a real hard worker and up in age, I think that some are just so good hearted that they do not know how to say no.
My step dad will go out boots first. Perhaps elders are so overwhelmed with their own responsibilities they do not want to be responsible they just like the title of (Elder) and being
looked up to. Unfortunately it is quite selfish to expect older ones to take the load, just because it may be felt that they don't work and have more time. I wish your dad the best!
Hope4Others
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quietlyleaving
thats very sad Flipper
The point I want to make is it irritates me so much that the Witness religion puts so much guilt and pressure on even older members that they feel indebted to keep pushing, pushing, pushing themselves till they drop in the ground , dead ! So, I hope my mom can convince my dad to slow down - or my older brother can take some load off him by getting other brothers to help out ! My wife and I live 4 to 5 hours away , and with my self employed work, I can't get away to help more as I'd like. Do any of you have suggestions ? Have you gone through this with aged witness parents where guilt is laid on them to be supermen and superwomen ? I just think - way too much pressure is put on them .
My hubby is a very hard worker who cannot say no. He was crazily saying yes to every
privilegethat came along. He has cut down a lot since I have left the borg.What I have come to realize is that he would rather die than not serve the society - he would have a breakdown if he didn't do all the stuff he is doing and with all the zeal he can muster. I don't know if it is like that with your dad.
The position I'm trying to take up now is to hold my ground so that he knows not to take up any more responsibilites - there will always be more - but to accept with equanimty (very hard) the load he has. The society isn't going to change. The best you can do is to try to modify the load your dad has but recognise that your dad prolly lives and breathes for the society now.
I feel for you
ql
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Tired of the Hypocrisy
I know how your dad feels. I hope I can be an active and important person in my community when I am 82! No one likes to let go of the reins. I can see how it can be stressful on him. I have never been an elder. Nor a ministerial either. But I have been a business owner and employer, and a group leader at work. Responsibities are for those that can handle stress without getting sick. I also saw how an elderly brother was used by his kids in a congregation in New Mexico. The two older boys were servants then. The dad had retired, but in order to keep things going their way, they kept their dad in as an HONORARY elder so he could aswing the vote to favor the two sons.....I hope he can let go and enjoy this time in his life with no stress.
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lisavegas420
This is exactly the lack of love that finally pushed me over the edge. When I met my never-a-JW husband's family. I saw a hugh difference in how their church treated members.
For instance, on one occasion when I was there for a visit, after church service, they had (for lack of a better word) field service meeting, which mostly was the women and a few men, met after church to talk about those that needed assistance during the upcoming week. Those that needed food, rides to dr's, groceries, or just a friendly visit, (which always included bringing over a meal or a desert), also they arranged for someone to visit people that were sick or in the hospital...every day...not just one day. Then they divided up the 'territory' and off they went. A car full, or one or two alone. Every member was cared for in the way that they needed care.
lisa
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Tatiana
Those that needed food, rides to dr's, groceries, or just a friendly visit, (which always included bringing over a meal or a desert), also they arranged for someone to visit people that were sick or in the hospital...every day...not just one day. Then they divided up the 'territory' and off they went. A car full, or one or two alone. Every member was cared for in the way that they needed care.
Now that's what I think real brotherly love is. I bet they didn't write the time down on a card to see who helped the most, huh? Mr. flipper, I don't know what to say. It has to be him that tells them he needs to slow down. And if they can't find someone right away to fill his shoes, tough. Good lord, what do they expect? I swear it seems to me there is no respect for elderly people anywhere anymore. He is being used.
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JK666
Flipper,
I hope that your father can get some relief from his duties. The younger elders prefer the title to actually doing anything, it will be interesting how they cope with older ones transferring the workload.
JK
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Satanus
Those old, devoted jw's think that their services are essntial. However, they don't realize that they too can be replaced, and will be, when they pass away. They should be training successors and deligating. The best managers do those things.
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AlyMC
What sucks is that he has given 53 years to serving his congregation and now that he needs help there is nobody there to offer it. I see the same thing happening in my grandfather in-laws congregation.
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lesterd
No better way to die, in WT service or banging on doors, deadication. He wont slow down, sorry.