I would like some advice please!

AmazingProgeny

Hi Everyone,

I have this situation with my husband that is really bugging me. His parents are still JWs. They are the not-very-active-but-still-hard-liners type, especially his dad. They have softened up somewhat in the past few years.

Anyway, my husband joined the Navy Reserves a couple of years ago. He has never told his parents that he did that. He even went out on a ship for a month and never told them. Each time he goes out of town for the weekend or his two week thing, I end up lying to his parents about it. They always call when he's gone and want to know where he is and why. I HATE lying to them. I HATE lying. (I know I'm spelling this wrong. I don't want to lug the 5lb dictionary upstairs.)

I have tried talking to my husband about this, but he doesn't get it. He says it is for the greater good. Really, he is afraid this will be the thing that makes them shun him. I understand the fear, but I hate living like this. My parents raised me to be a very honest person and not being honest bugs me to death. Whenever his parents call and ask for him I end up shaking like a leaf and nauseous.

So, I need some advice on a good way to approach this that will get my point across and not cause huge problems for us. I am at a loss right now. I had to lie to them yesterday and I ended up a mess afterwards.

Thanks! AmazingProgeny

Englishman

You could try sending them that track by the Village People, maybe they would start to catch on.

Englishman

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be....

closer2fine

Get caller ID and don't answer the phone.

closer

Abaddon

Howabout;

Sweetheart, I love you, but I hate lying for you. I also think its bad for you. JW's have this idea it's okay to lie for the right reasons... and maybe a little of that is still with you... I would love it if we could figure out another way. If you can't face them knowing, could YOU call them before you go out of town; it's your right to let them know or not, I wouldn't dream of disputing that, but if you'd tell them you were out of town for this reason or that reason, you wouldn't be getting me to lie for you.

Just an idea... even better if you can make him think he thought of it.

I know this because the ideas my girlfriend make me think I have are always good ones.

;-)

Keep on rocking in the free world...

Mindchild

I agree with what Abaddon says but just wanted to add that your husband needs to face the world like a man, not a wimp. It takes some courage and emotional character to stand up for what you believe in. Yes, it might be unpleasant to give someone bad news, especially something that deeply may hurt someone else but this is part of being true to one's self.

It hurt like hell when I told my parents, my sisters, grandparents, and friends (all of whom were Witnesses) that I couldn't be a hypocrite and believe and live my life in a falsehood. No...they didn't respect my decision and disowned me for taking my stand. That was their choice but at least I had some self respect for doing the honorable thing.

Maybe your husband doesn't have to be right in their face about it but sooner or later they will find out about it. What is going to hurt worse in his parents eyes...knowing he lied to them and left or telling them he is out because he made a choice to do so?

Just my two cents worth.

Skipper

All great deeds and all great thoughts have ridiculous beginnings--Albert Camus

JT

"could YOU call them before you go out of town"

this is one pc of advice that tries to strike a balance in my view-
If someone is going to "lie" about the current situation, then it might as well be him

if he want to tell them he is going on training etc fine

but i agree the BOTTOM LINE is he needs to be MAN and stand up to mommy and stop hiding behind the skirt of his wife

i can understand his position of perhaps not tellling them he is in the navy AT THIS TIME but he needs to be the one who provides the reason that he is not available-

I don't want to call your husband a wimp- but i will say he needs to put a better "Program" in place as to how you all deal with family who are still jw-

the ball really falls in your court

while you are being frustrated being at home thinking the phone will ring at anytime asking for him- he is out shooting the Breeze and telling dirty jokes with the boys-
once again the woman is getting the shaft-

you need to ask him to address this matter before he goes out

like i said if anyone should come up with an excuse then he should

all these matters should have been considered before he signed up, but he didn't instead he threw the ball into your court and left you standing there holding the bag-

just my 2

james

JT

part 2

if you are really sick and tired as you say you are -- then you need to put his feet to the fire-

on this issue- either he let his folks know or when they call- and continue to ask over and over where is he where is he-

I would let him know that I'm telling them the truth and you can handle this matter when you return

I would not let him make me the fall guy

i tell my wife all the time- if i start cutting up and acting like a fool-

she needs to let me know "It's time for you to get the Hell up outta here"

my point being AS woman he is Doggging you and you are indeed getting the SHAFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

belbab

Tell the parents when they call, to ask him, where he goes. That is if he is over the age of about fifteen. LOL. They already may suspect something, and you keep reassuring them. I am sure you will handle it, without any effort. You already are by asking for advice. Let the decision be yours, and be comfortable with it. Love yourself, like you love others.

belbab

Tammie

Before I got married to my husband, I told him that I will never lie for him. So don't put me in a situation, because I won't do it. I told him if he ever done something criminal, I DON'T WANT TO KNOW. Now mind you my husband is not a criminal, he works hard for his money. Any how, he decided to test me out in the area of lieing. And I held true to my word. Don't confuse this with trust, I keep confidincal things quiet.

AmazingProgeny

Thanks for the advice everyone. Let me clarify a few things.

We do have caller ID, but his parents use a cell phone for long distance and it shows up as unavailable. Also, sometimes I answer the phone upstairs and the box is downstairs.

I have had him tell his parents when he was out of town, but they will end up calling me and wanting to know what he's doing. Then, I'm stuck perpetuating his lie. Plus, this isn't really practical for his weekend trips when he's only gone for two nights.

With the current military situation, there is the small possibility that he could get called to active duty. Then he would be forced into telling his parents. He has talked about telling them b/c of this, but something keeps getting in the way. Yesterday was just the last straw for me. Feeling sick over just talking to my FIL is normal (long story) but I don't want to feel that sick.

Thanks for the advice. I will really think about it when I approach him tonight.

AP

I would like some advice please!

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