Memorial Blues....

Patrynz

Ok...so this is my first time posting here...long time lurker first time poster...a bit bout my situation...I havent been to a meeting in a LONG time...the last was my meeting to announce my disfellowshipping...I have recently gotten an invitation to the memorial...*gasp* well it IS about that time of year again...I had been fortunate enuff to be vacant when it came to previous memorials and meetings in general, but due to a sudden unforseen familial situation I was located (found) and invited to the memorial....I have accepted the invitation and my significant other (who has no JW past) will be coming with me...she knows that this part of my life was brutal and that I have tried to leave it behind me as much as is humanly possible...SHE is a big reason I have been able to move past a lot of my "issues" with religion, family etc etc blah blah blah...I have gotten past a LOT of those issues...

My question i think is...am I making a mistake in going? I have no belief in their drivel and no desire to go back to THAT "dogs vomit" but due to my semi-newfound appreciation for life and life AFTER jw'ness I am trying to patch stuff up with my JW family...least as much as I can...IF such a thing is even possible...my JW family is actually treating me with some degree of human kindness and I feel as though I should at least try to rebuild some semblance of "family" I dunno....but I am going to the memorial....I must be nucking futz...anyhow...thoughts?

babygirl75

Welcome to the board.....

I understand what you saying. Even though we are trying to go on with our lives outside of JW land; a lot of times we find ourselves being surrounded by JWism with family that is still in. I find that even though I no longer believe, that I attend the memorial to please my family, my parents more so than anyone else. If you feel that it will help with your relationship with your family, I say go ahead. Just because you go to the memorial doesn't mean you are making a step to go back in. Only you can say what is best for you & your situation.

It sounds as if you have a good life outside the religion. I'm sure it helps to have a girl that is by your side and willing to go with you.

Best to you.......

babygirl....

lavendar

Welcome!

If you go to the Memorial, (which would be a nice gesture on your part).......I hope it wouldn't be giving your family false hope of you returning to the WTS. Do you suppose that's why they invited you?

All the best to you,

Lavendar

AlyMC

My initial thought was similar to Lavender's. Sometimes it seems as if those close to me were better able to accept me when I fully made it clear that I was not ever coming back. For me, that was explaining that my issue was with the bible in general. Oddly, I was more of a threat when I didn't believe in their specific doctrines than when I didn't believe in the bible or religion in general. It wasn't until that was clearly marked that they were able to begin accepting me. That said, I am not DF'd so there are no clear rules against me.

For some, I think that as long as they see a chance that their shunning or "arms length" strategies are working, they will keep them up and perhaps strengthen them. Because ultimately they do want you "in" where you can be close to them without them getting in trouble.

My thoughts (considering my range of experience) would be to not go, unless I was planning to go often enough to become reinstated and then fade right after. Playing the system so to say. Otherwise, I'd be more inclined of drawing clear lines of where I stand and expecting them to accept me as I am.

All that said, you know yourself and your family the best and it really only matters what you think is best.

undercover

Welcome...

Each person's situation is unique. What works for one may not work for another. So anything we say is usually based on our own experiences with our own JW families.

I personally feel that going to a meeting once in long while isn't that big of a deal. Especially the Memorial. It's a special occassion and you're being polite by accepting the invitation. Things are so busy and hectic on that night, that outside of your immediate family/friends, most people aren't going to pay too much attention to the fact that you're there.

True, it may give some family members a false hope that maybe you're rethinking your situation but after a couple weeks go by, not even the JWs really remember much about the Memorial. Initially, you may get some pressure to keep coming to other meetings, but in time they forget about it and move on.

That's been my experience anyway.

Patrynz

babygirl: Thanx for the comment...I do have a good life outside of the JW mind control shtuff...for a large degree i have let a lot of it go...I have a good support system at home and a killer job that I appreciate a lot...and an awesome woman who has been by my side for quite some time...it is really for my family that I would be going back to that meeting..or really any meeting for that matter...the things we do for our "family" bah!

Lavendar: I honestly dont know the EXACT reason for my invitation but im sure u have a good point there...I do NOT want them to think that I am coming back...I am just going for my parents...I have told my family that I am not coming back but that I am here to support the family in this time of ummm "need" I guess is a good way of phrasing that...part of me wants to know if the memorial is just as i remember it...(im sure it is...JW creativity leaves a lot to be desired)

jaguarbass

Welcome to the board. If you think, going to the memorial will make things better with your family, go.

It's only once a year. Kind of like a catholic going to church for easter.

whitedeer

its an interesting predicament you're in. On the one hand, it IS a nice gesture to show respect to your family's beliefs. On the other, you don't want them calling on you every Saturday and fighting over who's going to have you as their bible study. May I suggest the Visit Some Random Strange Hall for the memorial? that way, you went and you observed, you can escape quickly and quietly, and you can report the facts about the evening (how many were there? any crazy emblem partakers? any real partakers? who was doing parking duty? what did you wear? etc) to please the fam. just a thought. i wish the best for you! whitedeer

jamiebowers

I think you're setting yourself up to be hurt even more, because if you do nothing else after attending the memorial, they'll drop you again. Sad but true in most cases.

Gopher

Patrynz, welcome to the discussion group!

I too am DF'd, but my loyal-JW-clonish parents live 1500 miles away so I don't come face-to-face with them often.

The good thing about being DF'd is you usually don't have to put up with JW's urging you to come back to "the truth". According to WTS rules, they're supposed to avoid you like the plague, even the family (unless it's "necessary business").

I find it strange that they'd seek you out. Have they met the woman in your life? Would they be trying to inject her with JW ideas? I'm sure that wouldn't work, but I'm just trying to figure out what they've gained by pulling you out of the woodwork and into the Kingdom Hall for a meaningless "pass the wine and crackers" exercise.

Since it seems like you have to go this time, and they cannot eat with you, maybe you can salvage the evening by making reservations at a nice restaurant that serves wine, and go there and forget about what just happened!

And next year, if they invite you and you don't feel like going, tell them you have plans that night.

Memorial Blues....

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