Memorial Blues....

by Patrynz 18 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  OnTheWayOut

  If you go to the Memorial, (which would be a nice gesture on your part).......I hope it wouldn't be giving your family false hope of you returning to the WTS. Do you suppose that's why they invited you?

  You will find us at disagreements with each other on this board about Memorial attendance.
  Family invites and hopes you will come back to Jehovah. That's the reason in the vast
  majority of cases that we are invited.

  I have decided not to go, to make a statement to my wife. It does put a strain on the relationship.
  I do admire those that go to try to keep some semblance of a family. I admire those that get
  reinstated just to get family relations back, then start a fade. I could never do these things.
  Everyone must decide what path to take.

  My opinion- it's been a long time. Go, then family can feel more comfortable if they talk to you.
  It's only about an hour.
• 

  Casper

  I understand this is a tough decision... only you know if you are strong enough to go thru with it and deal with the conseqences

  afterwards. I'm glad you have a good relationship with someone to help you cope. I hope it goes well for you, either way.

  Cas
• 

  Quandry

  I am just going for my parents...I have told my family that I am not coming back but that I am here to support the family in this time of ummm "need"

  Sometimes JWs think that if you just attend the memorial, it shows that you still have some love for the beliefs in your hearts, and may appease your family. They may feel that it will keep you from dying at Armageddon. In fact, it may really improve relations. That could be a good thing.

  It may also be that they want to start working on your "significant other" to start a Bible study after coming to the memorial......but you can start to counteract that with information on the history of JWs.

  You must decide.
• 

  esw1966

  Most of me would say that it is a mistake. You aren't of that opinion any more so it isn't doing you any good. It could make the family think there is hope, which when they find out there is none they could drop you again like a hot potato.

  If doing a give and take and that helps things out and they understand your viewpoint, then I see no harm in it. I've been back and it always makes me SO glad that I am gone! Granted I used to love it at one time, but seeing it for what it is makes me so sad for them!

  Don't lift their hopes under false pretenses. Don't set up false expectations. State things how they are. You will go and be respectful out of respect for them. You will listen and be kind. But that's all.
• 

  Hiddenwindow

  I do not know your particular situation in detail, but I guarantee you the moment will come in which you will get tired or pleasing others.
• 

  skeeter1

  Can someone PM me with when the Memorial is? Skeeter
• 

  WTWizard

  The Crapmorial is March 22, after sundown (unless you get a blizzard and they cancel it).

  My suggestion: If you haven't been going to this wastefest for a number of years, I would not start going now. If you do, you will be opening yourself up to the hounding sessions that are sure to follow. It is difficult to bolt right after, since you have to fight traffic on the way out and the attendants control egress (and, if they think you are trying to bolt, they will make you wait until you have had your hounding).

  They send out massive numbers of these invites, and focus on those who are inactive. They are hoping you go. Then, once you go (and you will be wasting the evening), they will give you the standard lecture that you need to start going back to boasting sessions all the time. Before long, they are calling on your house to get you reactivated. And then you will end up right back in the mess that almost ruined your life before. And, it's worse if you bring another person that never was a witless, since that "significant other" will then be hounded to join. And then you will have two problems.

  Better to just not show up. (Of course, if you have family in and you are still early in a fade, you will have to factor that in and probably just bite the bullet, go, and waste the evening. In that situation, chances are you have not missed a Crapmorial yet, and missing it now might blow the fade or make family suspicious).
• 

  Tired of the Hypocrisy

  Welcome,

  If you go, just be sure it is because YOU want to go.
• 

  Patrynz

  Aly: I DO know that the chances of them trying to "bring me back into the fold" as it were...but I am very much not in any mindset to go back...there will never be enough of ANY reason for me to go back...my life is quite a bit different now...they shunned me for easliy 10 plus years...something like that is not ever going to go away...least not when it comes to joining any kind of religious organization...

  As to the going back to kind of long term run a "fade play" ehhh...I have been dfd for so many years...it has almost become a badge...I wouldnt know what to think of myself if i tried to actually go back only to get OUT again...and to "fade" yah...thats MUCH easier-not....BUT I do see the point in drawing my line in the sand as it were...im sure it will be a night to remem..uhhh wait..a night to forget..yah thats it..

  Undercover: Thats what im kinda hopin for that i can make my appearance as quiet as is possible and that in the grand scheme of things i aint that important and i can kind of smuggle my way in and out...ja know..like arrive after the first 10 minutes and leave before the last gaggable song...besides...whats ONE meeting?

  Jaguarbass: I dont know what it will do for my family dynamic but at the very worst so what? I lost em all a LONG time ago...at the very worst it goes back to the way it was before and I go back to my own little happy family life devoid of those bilogical units i used to called family...

  Whitedeer: I thought about that one..going to a different hall for the memorial...it is almost a twofold reason in me going to the one with my family and the assorted elders from my Judicial Comittee rather than go to one in which I am just anonymous...I want to try to score some small points with my family (there is still bitter argument type of feelings between my fam and the JC due to the way in which it all went down) AND I want those self righteous smug a$$holes to see I am NOT a wreck and their DF'ING only made me stronger in the end...(maybe a bit vengeful behaviour on my part but so what?)

  Jamiebowers: U make a hard point...AM I setting myself up to hurt more? DO I even hurt anymore? Can they hurt me anymore? They dropped me so far long ago....course I really dont EXPECT a huge change in my families treatment of me...i would like it to happen but have no illusioins as to the likelihood of that happening...

  Gopher: Funny..I actually WAS 1000 miles away for the long span of time that we were out of contact (minimal to strained contact at best the occasional random word that I got about them and their Witness travels) Yes...it would seem rather odd that after all of this time that they try to contact me and get me to go to this meeting...without going into TOO much detail...something happened in the families circle-a death. I dont have many specifics that I want to give but this is what has caused the remainding family to find me and try to build something-least thats what I am being led to believe...

  Yes the remainder of my family has met the woman in my life...the idea of them trying to convert her...(lol) I have the extreme fortune to be madly in love with a pagan....lol....i have no real religious beliefs to speak of or even think of but there is literally no way that they could convert her...besides I clued the woman im with to all of the idiocies of this religious organization...(if in fact it IS a religious org not a business org..lol) The restaraunt idea is awesome...we both are gonna hit the bottle for a glass or two before and a glass or 3 after the meeting..

  OnthewayOut: yeah..it HAS been a long time and I DO know that there is a good chance that my family will have some small hope that I am coming back by my appearance at this one meeting...but I have a rather firm resolve...(theres a word i picked up from years of mindless meeting attendance) NOT to go back to it...BUT the woman in my life has had some real good effect on me and has made me think about the word "family" and what it means to me and what it SHOULD mean to me...I know my family doesnt play by the rules but I think it might be a good example showing them i am NOT what i WAS. Either way i dont particularly care but I do feel as though I have some kind of responsibility towards my family...even if they blew me off all those years ago...even if they BLOW me off again...I can rest easy knowing that the fault lies with them-not me.

  Casper: I do believe I am strong enough to deal with whatever consequences come my way...but I am aware of the possibilities of what MIGHT happen...between myself, the woman in my life and the other big influences in my life I believe i shud be alright...but we never REALLY know how strong we are until we are kicked in the face...

  Quandry: funny...this quandry I find myself in..lol and ur right..it IS only a decision that I can make...and yah...there ARE those witlesses who think that just cuz someone goes to ONE meeting a year it means something other than JUST meeting attendance...eh...let em...the witness opinion isnt one i am interested...JUST my family opinion..and even then it is just their opinion..nothing they can say or do would convince me to come back..and as mentioned earlier the woman in my life is of rather opposite beliefs than the witnesses so Im not real concerned bout that one...phew...

  esw1966: It could make them think there is hope but I have always strongly stuck to the belief that I am NOT coming back...right down to telling them that when I got the invitation-but they stil invited me...no conditions, strings or expectations....and that was a direct line from them...true or not I feel like i need to try...they cant hurt me any worse than the last however many years it has been...but again never know how strong one can be until one has come face to face with JW in the steel cage with ones family in THEIR corner...anyhow...thanx and I will be respectful...I am not going to cause problems...just a quiet in and out if such a thing is possible...

  Hiddenwindow: I tired of pleasing people YEARS ago...and i stopped trying right about the same time...I dont know exactly why I am allowing myself to be influenced by family that has not been there for a long time...maybe its a sign of my own maturity...(yeah whatever!)

  WTWizard:I have not gone to a memorial since before I got df'd...I go now due to some rather unusual situations that have arisen within my life as it relates to my family...if I get hounded I will politely tell them to go away...I have no more malice for these ignorant people...IF they become harrasing then I just turn and walk away...they cannot touch me or do anything to hold me somewhere i do not want to be...AND there really is NO way that they would be able to plant any seeds of "troof" with the woman in my life...she would laugh at them endlessly...much to my benefit she thinks of them as clueless ignant people who she basically feels sorry for...(chuckle) we've been together for quite some time now...

  Tired of the Hypocrisy: I think i do want to go...not because I HAVE to or because THEY require me to go or because my family "requires" me to go...im going cuz I feel like for some reason i need to go this year...but doubtfully ever again....anyways...

  Thank you everyone who had suggestions, advice and commentary on the impending boredom that I shall face on the 22nd of this month...I hope everyone else has their own feelings in order...