My ex was disfellowshipped and then he was going to go back to the religion, but he met me and fell in love... I kept trying to push him away because I knew that JW's were only to date JW's. he insisted that we stayed together. Now 9 months later, I am pregnant and he decided he needed to go back and renew his faith. He doesn't talk to me anymore... or his friends... is this expected? How long will this last? will seeing his child make him see that there is a purpose for him here with his child??!!
Will A JW pick his religion over raising his own child?
by HYM 14 Replies latest social relationships
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JWdaughter
Whether the answer to the question is yes or no, I would forget him, hope that he truly DOES decide to try to be a father eventually(for the sake of the child) and contact a lawyer about child support. Don't deal with him anymore thinking that he is ever going to be a part of your life together. He is too conflicted and right now he is choosing it over you and your child together. In the meantime, live an exemplary life, and do the absolute best for your child-avoid anything that could ever make you look bad. He may decide to 'raise his child in the truth' and attempt custody after the baby is born. Don't give him any grounds!
Thats just my opinion, views may vary!
Welcome to the board, and no matter what decision you make, I wish you all good things for you and the baby. -
avishai
Yeah, contact a lawyer. This is'nt a man, it's a piece of crap. Nothing could keep me from my child, or helping her mom when she was pregnant. Get representation, let him sweat it until he decides to grow up and not use his idiot religion as an excuse. Real men take CARE of their children. If you need any other help, drop me a pm, I've gone through it and am a single dad raising a beautiful 5yr. old girl on my own.
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MMae
I concur.
Of course, we do not know him, but strictly from the view point of what little information we have, he sounds pretty selfish. First he wants his religion, but not as long as he has hopes of having you. Now, he's had you, and suddenly a whole bunch of responsibility is coming his way. OHH - good excuse to get right back to his religion!
The fact is that if he was a man with a Christian conscience at all, he would be absolutely certain that he was in his child's life, which of course would mean keeping in touch with the mother of his unborn child! If for no other reason, than to have the opportunity to teach his child about his faith.
Poll: Who thinks Mr. JW has informed his elders that he has a child on the way? Nays: 1
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SPAZnik
Oy.
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carla
"If for no other reason, than to have the opportunity to teach his child about his faith. " -- Geesh! don't engourage that!!!
Even if you two got married and he became a jw in good standing and you opted out of the cult he still would pick his religion over his child and you. That's how it works, the org comes first no matter what. Your child could have a huge thing going on at school but if it is on a meeting night too bad, can't make it, gotta get to the meeting. Then after awhile your child will loathe the idea of dad actually coming anyway because he is a freak and wants to make his little silent protests at every chance he can. Yes, it does embarrass a child when the entire gymnasium is standing for the flag except those in wheelchairs and their freakish father. Or when parents are standing around and you just know he will be recognized as knocking on their door and annoying them one Sat. Or if hears someone is getting a divorce and even if he doesn't really know them the freakish jw will feel the need to go and have a talk with them and tell them what sinners they are. Oh, yeah, I have lots of stories that my non jw family has gone through with a jw living in the house.
I'd move across the country if I were you.
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momzcrazy
Welcome to JWD.
I second avishai's sentiments. Get a lawyer and make him at least support his child. BUT if that happens, he may want to see it. And then you have a whole mess to deal with. I left the religion with my 3 kids. I will not even let them go to the meetings with their grandmothers. And there is the blood issue if your child just happens to need it.
If you are able to support the child on your own, then I would suggest doing that. If you can raise your child with no JW influence at all, that would be the best. Make sure it has positive male influences in it's life.
My opinion is that he wanted to go back to the religion with the least amount of hassle from the elders. That means it is unlikely he even told them about you and the baby. The least amount of "sins" to confess to the elders. He is a bad example of a man, and one I wouldn't want around my child.
Good Luck.
momz
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R.Crusoe
Depends on how much he has been brainwashed into thinking somebody else knows about god and he needs them IMO!
And that he has gone to them means he will be getting lots of chit chat telling him he is right to not be with you unless you convert!
As with many paople the mind will have you in places you never would wish on a worst enemy!
You should ask him his feelings! If you don't see him choosing you then be sure he will choose to be brainwashed! The road you see him on is a likely no way back unless he takes the tough choice to leave it all behind.
Many on here knwo the to-ing and fro-ing some have made in their living hell of conscience clearing out!
I'm not sure what you can do apart from talk with him and other than that do your own thing!
Don't rely on chance because you will likely be very diappointed!
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jamiebowers
Your main concern should be whether he will want both cult membership and a relationship with his child. Allowing your child to go anywhere near this child molesting cult is the last thing you should want. If you can afford to raise the child on your own, I would stay as far away from this guy as possible. If you have to have child support from him, do so, but be aware of the emotional toll it will cost you and the baby. Check out http://jwchildcustody.com/
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jamiebowers
I can't put the link on this site, but you can find more info online by entering jwcustody