What ever happened to honesty
No! Elder invited me out for memorial invitation "work" !!
by still_in74 26 Replies latest jw friends
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still_in74
There are many married couples were one leaves and the other stays, I mean what is the worst that would happen, even if you was DF'd and your wife wasnt, she would still be able to talk to you, and if she loves you as much as I think, I can imagine she would stand by you.
Be Brave, and just do it, if you want to.
chikikie, i have given my wife a glimpse of how I feel. She also found my Crisis of Conscience book and freaked out. So she knows a bit. At the time I know she was thinking about "what if he leaves the "truth"" from comments she was making (i'm her husband and I can read her like a book).
I know from those comments that if I did "leave" she would not leave me. That is comforting but it is also a hard life. No "friends" over to the house and never going out with friends as a couple. Scanning incoming calls, JW's not calling my wife cause they afraid I might answer the phone. Me knowing that the other JW's feel "sorry" for my wife and shaking their heads about how sad it is I left and always asking her if Im "coming back". Her family wouldnt invite me over... etc. It would be honest, but I dont know which is tougher, being honest or faking it..... thanks for your thoughts........... -
lovelylil
Its a hard decision about what to do. I know I was in your shoes with my husband. He did get upset, threw a fit actually. Told me I ruined his happy spiritual family and threatened to leave me and the kids. It was hard but I had to stand my ground. I remained calm, reasurred him my love for him was real and would not change. But I told him I cannot live life as a hypocrite and that in researching the org. I found I could not in good conscience accept them as God's channel of communication on earth. And I knew that it would be a deal breaker as far as the org. I did not want to be Df'd but wanted to leave on my terms.
I didn't tell my husband what I discovered until he asked me about it. I told him if he was truly happy being a JW he should stay one. But it was not for me anymore. Eventually he came around and started asking Q's. He knew me and that I was not the type to make a rash decision. I also told him I was not looking at apostate things to destroy my faith. I hadn't actually read any apostate material up until that point. I merely researched the societies older teachings to see if it were true that Christ appointed them as the only true religion. Something I should have done prior to joining the group. The reason I did it was I felt something was not right with the WT's teachings.
Anyway, that is what worked for me but your situation is different. I am glad your wife will not leave you over this. That is what usually happens. Just stay calm and be loving when you are expressing your views. I firmly believe love does conquer all. I wish you the best, Peace, Lilly
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still_in74
well i did it! I am still actually wearing my shirt and tie as I type this. I can assure you this morning was torture...
I mean, I like the people I was out with but I hate pple seeing me and thinking I am brainwashed. I see people looking at us as they drive by, pple abrubtly showing they are definitely not interested and me standing there wanting to say " i dont blame you"
I got paired up with an 8 year old boy, good kid, but i dont agree with sending little kids out so I took every door, As much as i hated that I had to spare him the misery. he kept reaching into his case to get out his invitation and I would step up and knock. hehe, after i told him to tell his mother that I made him take every door!
Near the end of the morning the wife called my cell from work, she didnt know i was out so she was "so proud" of me for going.... it actually ticked me off that she said that. I wasnt even going to tell her I went cause i dont want her to think that "i'm coming around". I absolutely hate service.
I think I need to tell her that I dont want my friends and family to change, but that I cant in good conscience go in service anymore cause I dont believe everything the org. says. She wont like it but I cant express how much I hated this morning. I HATED, HATED, HATED IT!Thanks Lil for your comments, its nice to know Im not alone in this situation.
Still............
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yesidid
Still in,
I just want you to know I think you are a great husband.
You are to be admired for making sacrifices for the sake of your wife.
For that she should be "proud of you". But she is thinking as she
was taught to think. We all did, for many years.
Thinking of you.
yesidid
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flipper
STILL IN 74- I'm sorry my friend you are trapped in a ticklish situation. I do not envy your position - but I totally understand why you are handling it the way you are. Just take your time - and allow as much time as you need to do your gradual fade. Every one's circumstance is different and it is good you are taking into account your wife's fragile emotional status . I remember your " Crisis of Conscience " book experience when it happened last year , so hang in there friend. If you ever need to talk , just PM me
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chikikie
The thing is still, couldnt you just fade out, i mean you could stop goign to meetings because your deppressed, ok it means lying, but then your lying anyway, just fade out, that way your not DFd and maybe eventually your missis might stop goign to meetings too, just a thought, cant think of any other solutions. Other than to keep going etc