how do you deal with bullies?

by loosie 38 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  free2think

  I was bullied at school, i think in my case as a jdub i was always taught not to retaliate, so i just took it till it got too mcu h and i told my mum. She told the techers and they sat us down . It ended in the bullies in tears lol.

  The second time i again told mum, didnt retaliate, bully was told she would be expelled , in the end the bully was scared of me. Ithink after a while something snapped and i thought WTF? and ;et rip on her, by the end she was shaking. Soon after she stopped coming to school. To be honest i think i would have been scared too.

  Im sorry this is happening to your daughter.

  my theory is bullies are cowards and when they are challenged they don't know what to do.
• 

  uwishufish

  For me I think it was the 7x77 time. My brother had a book on the martial art Akido. I learned only one move and practiced it for hrs on end.

  The next thing I learned was to throw the blow as though it was going to terminate on the other side of the body.

  The next thing learned was by the bullie. He learned the meaning of full contact.

  He nor any of his freinds ever spoke to me again.
• 

  SusanHere

  My son's rule: Direct frontal attack. Get in the bully's face in front of a crowd of other kids and challenge him to a fight. You'll probably lose, but nobody -- including the bully -- will ever take you on again. They'll go for the weaker ones who won't stand up for themselves.

  Yeah, he got expelled for a few days. Once. After that, nobody bothered him again. Word was out, he'd fight.

  Maybe not the best way, but it worked for him.

  His little brother did the same a few years later. Though not as strong, and far more the easily-victimized type, that one time bought him a lot of respect and saved him from a lot of future bullying.

  In an ideal world kids wouldn't have to deal with such things because the parents would raise their children to be kinder, nicer people. In an ideal world teachers and principals would care about bullied kids and put a stop to it.

  We don't live in that world.

  SusanHere
• 

  Barbie Doll

  I look for the Biggest guy and made Friends with him. I walk around with him, no one would

  Bother me.
• 

  horrible life

  Safe-Call Safecall

  Oklahoma has a Safe-Call system. A child or parent can call, tell his story on a recording. They get a reference number to call back, and find out the outcome. It is an anonymous phone call. The call is noted by the state superintendent, and faxed to the school to fix the problem. The school HAS to fix the problem.

  Oklahoma was the first to come up with this system, and sent refrigerator magnets home.

  I tried to find you a link ,to the Oklahoma website, but it really sucks. Here it is http://www.sde.state.ok.us/pro/safecall.html But I did find a link to a broader website. http://www.schoolhelpline.com/safeschool/whoweare.htm

  Look at this, and Anti-Bullying resources, lots of websites to choose from, and try to get your school to implement. My child has called this website a couple of times, without me knowing about it beforehand. That is her right, if she feels violated. It has always worked. The school doesn't even know who called. They just have to take care of the problem. The bully has always behaved themselves afterward, with no recourse to my child. Usually the bully is mean to other students, so they sure don't know who called. or a witness called.

  In other words, the child is guilty, without a trial. The school has to take care of it.

  If I remember right, you are from Montana, It is on the list of states that have joined. http://www.schoolhelpline.com/safeschool/texok.htm

  Hope this helps.
• 

  Forscher

  Things are getting dicey these days on that issue.

  In my part of the US schools actually Started punishing the victims if they defended themselves worse than the bullies. So I made it my business to make it clear that if any of my children started anything, I'd back the school 100%. But I stipulated that if my children ever had to defend themselves against bullies, then the school had better return the favor. Since I'd once filed a lawsuit which had driven a local business out of business (I won't get into the details, but that'd been the objective, and if I ever tell the story I think most folks would agree that I did the right thing), I was taken seriously.

  In almost every case my children defended themselves, they were usually able to prove they were victims of unwarranted attacks. So we never had a real problem in that regard. These days though, I am not sure about what the best plan would be.

  Best regards,

  Forscher
• 

  Tired of the Hypocrisy

  When I was in school I was picked on a few times. I ignored it until they laid their hands on me. Then I kicked their ass, or tried real hard to. Nowadays they suspend BOTH kids, even if one was only defending him/herself. If I were in her shoes I would find something else to hit him with. Like, wow, what a real man you are picking on a girl. I bet your folks are proud of you. Granted, an uneducated lout like him will just laugh it off, but someone in the crowd may back her. I am not big on involving adults in kid stuff, but since the counselor is already involved and has given some advice that had no real positive results, I would talk to the principal. If that doesn't work I would contact an attorney. Every little N word gets people sued, why can't this harassment be sued for?
• 

  coffee_black

  I just thought of this.... My son never had trouble with bullies. When he was about 10 I started him with Tai Kwan Do (sp?) It gave him a real sense of confidence... and no one dared to mess with him. He never had to use it, but it was known that he knew how to handle himself. They teach respect and how to deal with difficult situations.

  Coffee
• 

  Bobbi

  I was bullied to the point of wanting to kill myself rather than go to school.
  
  When my sweet gentle little boy came home in grade one and said some kids were picking on him, I tried to tell him that the bad kid didn't have a nice home life and Daniel should try to make friends.
  
  After pitching a fit and refusing to go to school, I called the school for help. They said because it was happening off school grounds ( the less than two blocks between my house and the school) there was nothing they could do. They knew who was doing it and the parents didn't care. They also warned me about talking to the parents of the child involved because it would not go well.
  
  SO I started meeting Daniel after school. He pointed out the little twerp. After a week of me walking Daniel and glaring at the little prick who dared to follow us every day, I told my son, "Tomorrow, when he starts to bug you, tell him, Your Mother knows his name and where he lives, and if he bugs you again, your mother is going to go to his house and tell on him."
  
  Daniel came flying in the next day and says that when he told the bully that the kid started begging him not to tell his mom. No problems since. I hate that i used the kids bad homelife and fear of his parents but I have to protect my child.
  
  
  Daniel had trouble off and on with getting bullied until he made some friends and they run as a pack. There are too many of them for the older kid(who was the bully and the school knew about it) to mess with.
  
  In canada there are programs everywhere and still bullying is a major problem. I think the biggest cause is parents who just don't care and their kids know it. There are no real conscquences.
  
  Bobbi
• 

  quietlyleaving

  I remember when my daughter was bullied at school as a 12/13 yr old. It later turned out that the bully had an awful home life that the school were aware of but they could not share details with me. This young lady was quite violent - actually physically fighting and hair pulling.

  What helped me a lot was an anti bullying organisation based on Kendo and they basically taught strategies for dealing with bullying. I found what they had to say very useful but because their physical strategies were martial arts based I did not enrol my daughter on any of their courses .

  They encouraged me to pursue the school until the situation was resolved. However my daughter meanwhile had built up enough confidence to confront the bully.

  Sometimes, knowing that there are helpful organisations out there and also that others have suffered and developed strategies can be very confidence building.