Inspiried by other post and threads....and the love to type.
After going from being a self rightious Pioneer and Bethelite, to someone who had major doubts.My years drifted by me. I had been a Watchtower slave for over 50 years. One day at a time, I sold my soul. So how could I leave after 50 years? A 27 year marriage, two kids, family and the only friends I ever knew....The answer is.... I could'nt, I didn't have the balls to.
I thought "O.K I don't believe it, but my life isn't so bad, good marriage, great job, great kids and friends." How could I lose all of them and go on?.....Give up all that, just for the sake of "being right."
So, I tried living the lie...and it worked for many years. But the bullshit got worse...The politics and clicks the hypocrisy and favoritism, in the Kingdom Hall.....The biggest thing being the major "lack of love"..... And Hay isn't that supposed to be their identifying mark? Well guess what...it wasn't there..and it wasn't at Bethel either! (read by Bethel experiences)
My wife bless her heart, knew for years I wasn't buying the program. I tried talking to her....but you know how it is...she would get this glazed look in her eyes and start reciting the "but were else can we go, this must be God's organization" bullshit. She looked like a deer in head lights, the poor thing was raised in the insanity just like me....The difference is she stopped thinking years ago...With her...it was all knee jerk now.
So it all came down to "The Big Chill" on the last weekend of July 2001. We had about 25 Witnesses from all over the states, come to our home for the weekend. Grace Fraizer, Jim Pells, Kelly O'Brien, Doug Ava, Bob Nelson, Dan McGloffen....and all their wifes. Yes all of my really 'good' friends. Lots of good food and drink.
During one of our many conversations with the group. I mention that I felt "That the society was losing the young people in the organization.".....Well before the weekend was over, two people came up to my wife and asked her how could stand to be with someone like me!
Monday the 30th of July, I got back from taking the last of the people to the airport. I was sitting in the living room thinking how strange the whole weekend was. I got up and went into our bedroom she was the next room taking a bath. I started talking, she had the strangest look in her eyes, she was staring at the ceiling and saying nothing....she finally said "The friends want me to go camping with them" I said "Great go, I need to stay and work."
I got up and went back to the living room....and set there. A few minutes later, she came out to the living room, with a robe on and that same strange look. Neither of us said a word, she came over to me and kissed on my cheek. She turned and walked back in to the bedroom.......I KNEW AT THAT MOMENT THE MARRIAGE WAS OVER!......... don't ask me how I knew it....I just did.
Next morning I hooked up the "See Doo" to her car. She jumped in the car, the window was rolled down she put the car in drive and was heading out of the driveway. I said "Hay after 27 years don't you want to at least shake hands or something?" She stopped the car got out. We both held each other and cried....Nothing else was said, she got back in the car and drove away...she was gone...
Two days later she called be and said she would come back only when I got my additude straighten out about the church...
I said "I can't do it anymore."
With the possiblity of losing everything I ever loved.....I just couldn't do it anymore.
P.S. I did lose everything....but I got my two kids, they were treated so badly by their "friends" because I left....They left too, they said "This is bullshit Dad...we are out of here...and besides we only did it for you guys it was never real to us."
P.S.S. So was it worth it....my answer is YES!.....Don't waste another day....don't waste....50 years like me....one day at a time...saying to yourself "It really isn't all that bad."