How Did Your JW Wife or Husband Leave You?

by new boy 38 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Gordy
    Gordy

    Twelve years ago I had a breakdown, attempted suicide. Later diagnosed as "Acute clinical depression" they said I probably had it for years. This was brought about by combination of personal circumstances and trying to "keep up appearances" as a JW, I was a Min Servant at the time. I had doubts for a long time about the teachings of the Watchtower.

    Of course the attitude of the JWs was that of complete horror. I went before a Judicial Committee, got privately reproved. As usual their "treatment" for anything is "attend meetings and go on field service". No understanding that a person with severe depression just does not want to be around or speak to other people. As I was not making "progress", it might have helped is even just one of them had offered help. Not even any Elder made any effort to give support.

    Anyway , because I was not making "progress" it was decided by them that I was a "spiritual danger" to the family, so they got my wife to get me out the family home. She even found a place for me, in the next town, and had to attend a different congregation.

    You could say that was the day my wife left me. I still visited to see the children.

    But the whole thing made me question even more about the WT which was supposed to be "Jehovahs loving organisation".

    Eventually after much research I disassociated in 2001, which ended 30 years of being a JW.

    My wife has not spoken to me since then. Even though we are only separated, we will have been "married" 34 years this year.

    The Elders were so concerned about what my effect would have on family they got rid of me. But it backfired on them. Not long after I left, two of my children disassociated, three have never wanted anything to do with the JWs. Only my wife and two daughters continued as JWs. But I now have heard that those two daughters only now occasionally go to meetings.

  • chikikie
    chikikie

    Your story reminded me of a chess game, where you trade your queen to save the others and win the game, well done to you. 50 years of service.

    I got out at 24 and have realized much of my dreams since leaving, and pretty much have the life I want. I prayed often for my life to be happier, altho I was a regular meeting goer, I was shunned constantly, I never had any true friends and felt lonely, I have a couple of friends now, not many but its better than what I had. Im stronger now, I wish I had said many things in the past but I just wasnt brave enough. I remember going to an elder and crying and asking him what Ive done wrong, why I was so lonely why nobody liked me, he just told me to go away and pray to jehovah, I said to him i go to bed every night and cry and pray to jehovah for 4 years, then he said maybe I didnt have a close relationhship with god which could be the reason why he wasnt hearing my prayers, you need to do more field service etc, i was an aux pioneer for three months, and the month I decided to leave............ I would never do enough, and god isnt backing JWs, just another cult that wants your money, I wonder how much the governing body get a week, certainly more than the bethelites thats for sure. does anyone know what the Governing body get wages wise?

  • Mickey mouse
    Mickey mouse

    Wow! Food for thought. I'm 20 years behind you. I think our marriage is salvageable, I need to work on getting my husband out before I could even contemplate giving up on him.

    I was talking to a friend in the org last night, she's about 15 years ahead of me, grown up children and I can see in her face she's playing the same game as me. Waiting for something....parents dying....a tipping point. I'm sure years can pass that way.

  • justhuman
    justhuman

    Great topic man...I wasted 6 years!!!!

    I also have 2 small kids in the WT world, and at the end I was the one who left the house. There was so much tension and fighting with my JW wife after I was disfellowshiped for apostasy...in fact she turned me in to the elders for apostasy 2 times...the first I got way with it and manage for 6 years to get way with it. Six years pretending...I hated my self. The second time it was the final stroke..I just couldn't stand it. I ask the elders with a 3 page letter to answer to my questions.

    1. It was 607

    2. Heavenly class

    3.Russell pyramidology

    4.The baptizm oath that change

    5. The seperation of the sheep and the goats

    As you know I didn't got ANY answers. In the judical comittee the told me that they will NOT answer me. If wanna stay at the "organization" I must accept what the Org says WITHOUT questions...so I said sorry guys I cannot support something with blind faith...and I left

    How could you stand them so long..it is a miracle.If only I would have left at before 6 years. I would have save my self a lot of trouble.

    At the end is worth it...to follow your heart and your conscious..but most of all for my self I found Jesus

  • justhuman
    justhuman

    Great topic man...I wasted 6 years!!!!

    I also have 2 small kids in the WT world, and at the end I was the one who left the house. There was so much tension and fighting with my JW wife after I was disfellowshiped for apostasy...in fact she turned me in to the elders for apostasy 2 times...the first I got way with it and manage for 6 years to get way with it. Six years pretending...I hated my self. The second time it was the final stroke..I just couldn't stand it. I ask the elders with a 3 page letter to answer to my questions.

    1. It was 607

    2. Heavenly class

    3.Russell pyramidology

    4.The baptizm oath that change

    5. The seperation of the sheep and the goats

    As you know I didn't got ANY answers. In the judical comittee the told me that they will NOT answer me. If wanna stay at the "organization" I must accept what the Org says WITHOUT questions...so I said sorry guys I cannot support something with blind faith...and I left

    How could you stand them so long..it is a miracle.If only I would have left at before 6 years. I would have save my self a lot of trouble.

    At the end is worth it...to follow your heart and your conscious..but most of all for my self I found Jesus

  • The Doc 58
    The Doc 58

    It is worth it to get out. My experience is similar except I am the one that left the JWs and the wife. But it is worth it. I couldn't live the lie anymore and when your entire social structure is attached to the group like my ex wife's was, I knew I had to leave. It does take a lot of "balls" and causes great emotional stress, but to anyone that is hanging in their life as a JW, my advice is to leave as quickly as possible and you'll see that the benefits outweigh the consequences greatly, especially as time goes on.

  • Honesty
    Honesty

    My ex's reason for leavin'...

    I'm taking the kids on a hayride with some of the brothers and sisters.

    They've been on that hayride almost 5 years now.

    All because I shared the truth about the religion her grandparents joined way back when in eastern Europe.

  • mouthy
    mouthy

    Keith....Thanks for sharing. My heart aches for you all that have lost. I have lost my daughter & grand-kids also. after being a faithful follower for 25 years.Just because I dont believe Jesus came invisably in 1914,,I had a support group that 700 used, in the years since they ousted me( 1987) & your story is so typical to what the "LOVING ORGANIZATION" does to families. Builds hatred, Only because we tell the truth. That we dont believe it anymore. I still believe in God. & know by the actions of the WT & some of its followers that LOVE is NOT in that religion,It is LOYALTY to the old men in the Brooklyn Bethel.
    Most are unloved I must believe. Thank you all for sharing.

  • strawberry cake
    strawberry cake

    P.S.S. So was it worth it....my answer is YES!.....Don't waste another day....don't waste....50 years like me....one day at a time...saying to yourself "It really isn't all that bad."




    xxx strawberry Cake

  • Gopher
    Gopher

    Keith , thanks for sharing your heart-wrenching story.

    Mine isn't quite as dramatic. While making false accusations to the elders in our new hall which eventually got me disfellowshipped, my then-JW wife spent all her spare time with a man living in another state, over the Internet. She was putting in fake pioneer hours at the time.

    Eventually I was DF'd, she pushed me out of the house, then she was DF'd after meeting up with the other man. One child was involved, and thankfully that child is not being raised JW.

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