What do you think about girls having boyfriends and vice versa?

by Open mind 42 Replies latest social relationships

• 

  Layla33

  I think 12 years old it too old to have a boyfriend. 15 maybe, but still a little too young. I can understand liking a boy at that age, sending notes and having lunch at school, but other than that, no I would not endorse it with my child. I think 16 is a great age to start dating, going out but once you have had "the talk" with your child and have spent enough time nuturing them, so they make good decisions in the dating world.

  There are just too many young women out there that get caught up, get pregnant, etc. I also believe healthy honest communication is key. I remember a young witness girl I grew up with, her JW family told her "don't do it", no discussion, no dialogue, just "no, only for marriage", so they girl rebelled and got pregnant at the ripe age of 10 YEARS OLD.
• 

  momzcrazy

  My 7th grader has a girl in her class who has a child and has had an abortion. Her own mother had her at 12 too. So this goes along with the thought that regardless of whether you allow boy/girlfriends, parents must be aware and involved.

  momz
• 

  VoidEater

  Leaving sex out of things for the moment (the OP seels to be limited to dating)...

  12 is too young to "go steady". It's important for socializing and inter-gender interactions to take place, but not as an exclusive "boy/girl friend" relationship.

  I would encourage 12-15 to have no exclusive dating arrangements. Too much is going on hormonally. There has not yet been adequate awareness or integration of life events or self discovery for exclusive relationships to make sense.

  Group events are preferred. If your immediate community is "forcing" children to "date" (go out with just one other), then such may be appropriate with chaperones, but exclusive dating should be discouraged.

  I have friends and relatives that were married at 16. These relationships have not seemed to be any worse off for that fact, so there are exceptions. In general, though, I would not be supportive of intimate settings or exclusive dating arrangements until at least 16.
• 

  Witness 007

  I really don't know 100% but aren't young people better off working hard at school and growing into adulthood before this.
• 

  Krystal

  As someone who started "dating" at about 12... (behind my jw's parents backs! hehe) I would say that if you don't "allow" your teenager to date with your knowledge, you take a great risk that they are going to do it behind your back.

  I don't think it is appropriate for young teens (12-16ish) to be dating without supervision. But I wouldn't tell a teen at that age they aren't allowed to date because that only gives most teenagers more reason to do it! Instead I would make sure to have very clear conversations about the difference between getting to know someone, (ie dating) and having sex. There is nothing really wrong with teenagers dating but I do see a major problem with sex at that age. At that age, I would say definetly dating in groups or with a chaperone would be the best.

  I dated the same guy from grade 8 (13-14) till I was 21, we started having sex when I was 17 and that was still too early...

  I have a 7 week old daughter and I am dreading her teens already! lol
• 

  mrsjones5

  My oldest son, who just turned 14 on the 5th of this month, just got and lost his first girlfriend. They only lasted 3 or 4 weeks and are still friends. They called it "going out" which tickles me because my son has never been on a date and it not presently allow to do so. I told my son that they have the vernacular wrong, it's not "going out" but it's "going steady" or "going together". I told my son that I don't mind if he likes girls or even decides to "go with" one girl, I'm just not really to let him date.

  I spoke to my younger brother about it, he thought it was funny and went on to tell me that my parents allowed him to "date" when he was about my son's age, even took him and a girl on a few dates. I hadn't known that but I was 21 when my brother was 14 and really didn't interrelate with him all that much. My parents did not allow my sister and I to date when we were teenagers in high school. We were able to go to our proms but that was about it.

  Josie
• 

  beksbks

  There is only one reason why a 19 year old wants to date a 15 year old.

  Cuz he's really immature, and can't relate to girls his own age?
• 

  flipper

  I'm trying to remember how my ex and I dealt with our kids at that age ! Mine are 23, 21, and 19 now. All grown up. Bottom line is kids are going to experiment growing up - whether they are experimenting with their newfound sexual urges in the privacy of their own bedrooms at age 12 to 14 , or if they are experimenting with a friend of the opposite sex- you as the parent will be the last to find out usually.
  
  All you can do I feel as a parent is provide them a comfortable home to have friends over in " group " situations where they won't feel a need to sneak off behind a bush somewhere. Get to know their young friends at your house ! I my kids started dating at 15 or 16 ; but before that it was mainly group situations to get with others of the opposite sex . I had nice chats with my kids when they started dating about the danger of unwanted pregnancies, venereal diseases , and being responsible . Even though they were witness kids as they grew up as teenagers , I didn't worry about whether they had sex when they dated or not , as I figured once they got to 16 and above they would have to deal with anything that came from their decisions as well, and would learn from it. All I did as a parent was provide a glimpse of things for them to think about if they went certain routes in life.
  
  We have to let our kids live and grow up in time. But, at a young age of 12 to 14, we have to protect them as well, it's a fine line a parent walks - without alienating and pissing the kid off. It is an art . Peace out,Mr. Flipper
• 

  Junction-Guy

  12 might be a little young to date, so I would say 13 would be the beginning age.
  
  I see nothing wrong with a teenager dating, in fact I think it is normal and healthy. This is one of the biggest gripes that I have with the JW belief system. Nothing gets me more furious than the subject of dating within the JW belief system.
  
  As a JW kid, I felt cheated big time. I never could date, I never could even mention the opposite sex to my Dad. This is abnormal and destructive to the child's sexuality.
  
  One of these days I will definitely come forward to my JW relatives about this issue, and it wont be pretty.
  
  This is my final trump card that I hold in my possession.
• 

  Open mind

  Thanks for all the replies. It really helps to get some other perspectives after being raised in the "girls are from Da Debil" bizarro JW world I grew up in.

  OM