Elders want to visit after memorial !! (page 2)

chickpea

"geez, brothers... you caught me without my day planner saturday night and when i went to pencil you in, i saw that i already have something scheduled at that time.... let me get back to you on this"

then dont.....

They either want to "bring you back into the fold" or determine if they should give you boot. Unless emotionally you have something to get off your chest and don't care if you are df'd or da'd, I would call and cancel the meeting. You have no obligation to talk to them. I can guarantee that this is not for your benefit.

Love, Blondie (no pearls before swine)

Gopher

Tell them you're not feeling well and need to postpone. When they want to re-schedule, ask if you can call them when you're ready. When they call later, say you've been a little depressed and need to be alone for a while. Depression is a good excuse, and it might put the elders off.

newbiedoobiedoo

I wish my elders would talk to me, but I usually use the bible on them and they do not like it. They say I have no tact. Why should I waste tact on elders, they are big boys, they can take the truth. They say they don't want to get into 'battle of the scriptures with me'. I thought the bible was the final rule. I always hand them the bible and say 'if you show it to me in the rule book, then i cannot argue it' . Oh and as for the dreaded 'God's organization' question... I always say 'yes, as long as they obey the bible'. They always ask me again, so I say; 'YES AS LONG AS THEY OBEY THE BIBLE'. I think they are hard of hearing.

WTWizard

I think this is a good time to blow it off. Just don't show up for the appointment. If they hound you again, make another appointment and blow that one off, too. They will get tired of wasting gas and time preparing for appointments if you don't show up for them.

Then again, if it gets ridiculous, it might be time to hand them a disassociation letter.

aligot ripounsous

Lancelink,

Not two experiences are alike but I tell you mine in case it can be of any use to you. I'm fading, though attending when my wife wants to go, so that she doesn't feel embarrassed if questioned about her family. When 2 elders called me a few months ago for a sheperding call, I said that I would be very happy to speak to them. Then in the conversation I raised points which i knew they couldn't object to :

-I don't preach anymore because I just don't know what to tell people. I don't feel for delivering a message whereby Jehovah finds me so precious as to kill 1000 people, including 100 babies and infants under age 4, just to save me, there is no such thing as collective responsability, and I'm a Jehovah's worshipper, not Molech's. Usually the JW you talk to doesn't endorse that view, which is clearly unacceptable to any sensible person, and says that it's not up to us to judge and Jah will see for Himself who He will spare at A. Then you direct the elder to the Live forever BROCHURE where it is plainly stated that only Jah's servants will be saved at A, and tell him that anyone who thinks differently from this official WTS's stand is an apostate in the society's view. In my case the elders said that they would check and of course none of them ever raised this point again, they knew all too well what the official stand is on this subject.

-when asked whether I still believed that the F&DS is God's channel to instruct His people, I said that it depends on what they teach. In Rutherford'case, for example, no serious JW can believe that he had Holy Spirit when he wrote such nonsense as the 1600 furlongs mentioned in Rev 14 :20 being the distance between a (then) bethel in Pennsylvania and NY bethel. That way, elders know perfectly what level of information I have (I told them that I got this information from the Internet and that there is nothing wrong in this), they don't bring me into trouble for such statements because they know they are true, and they just leave me alone and quiet because they don't want to have their own beliefs questioned through further unsettling conversations. So far, I'm left free to talk that way to whoever (not many) wants to hear in the congregation. So far.

sir82

You could always play the depression card.

When they arrive, tell them you have been feeling so low, so unworthy, etc., that you just can't bring yourself to go to the KH. And feeling pressure to attend only makes it worse. If they start to press, cry a little and mumble apologies. Tell them you'll attend when you're feeling a bit better.

They'll read a handful of scriptures & leave. They'll probably want to follow up, but you can just say that this meeting with them was so draining, you don't know when you can do it again, but you will definitely call them when you can.

Then of course completely forget about it.

Tired of the Hypocrisy

I agree with B the X...Be careful of the manipulation and control tactics. They are experts at it.

daniel-p

If you want to fade, your options are 1) cancel the meeting; cite illness, depression, business, etc., or 2) meet with them and be as non-commital as you can, avoid absolute statements, but at the same time let them feel like they reached you in some way. I was in your shoes almost exactly, about two years ago, and did option 2. It worked out well, and I haven't had a shepharding visit since.

misspeaches

oh you are in a pickle. They called me when I started fading and told me they would like to come visit. At the time I thanked them for their concern but told them that at this stage I did not need to talk to them. Exactly that phrase. Well the elder was flabbergasted! He repeated to me that he was concerned about my 'spritual welfare' and I repeated the phrase back at him. He got hostile and made threats, I repeated my phrase. He gave up and no one elder ever called me again in the 5 years since my fading.

My point here is be polite but firm. You don't have to give an excuse, remember they are trained at conversation stoppers! Just tell them clearly and succintly that you do not wish to speak to them. They can't do anything!

My suggestion is, call them up. Explain that you have had time to think about their invitation and use my phrase. But be brave. When they change in their tone and start getting narky, stay calm. Be the bigger person. They will lose their hold on you. At the end you will feel empowered!

Elders want to visit after memorial !!