The more I read about faders and those who are still in due to coercion, the more I realize that being disfellowshipped was the best thing that could've happened to me. It stil burns my ass that I was disfellowshipped before I even filed for divorce, because I'm sure everyone is positive that I committed adultery, (which I DID NOT). But still, at least the band aid was ripped off all at once and not slowly like it is for some of you. I don't know that much about fading, but I do know what it's like to keep a heart wrenching secret and how it feels to be disfellowshipped. With the exception of the elders, I kept it secret that my husband was physically abusing me and threatening to kill me and himself. When I told the elders I wanted to disassociate myself instead of being married to this nutcase or to hang around long enough to prove adultery on his part, I was literally running for my life. Since the elders couldn't be bothered with my life threatening situation, they disfellowshipped me instead.
Like a battered woman, a person who has lost faith in the WTB&TS must make a plan of escape. Check with an attorney about divorce and custody issues. Save money to cover costs of seperating from a spouse and/or possible lack of revenue if doing business with the jws. Make wordly friends and find a therapist who is qualified to help you with the losses. When leaving, there are usually great emotional and monetary costs. But IT IS WORTH IT! Do you know that song, "Me and Bobby McGee" where it says, "Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose"? It really makes sense after you're out for awhile, because you realize that anything you had while enslaved wasn't worth keeping in the first place...you have nothing left to lose.
When I was disfellowshipped, I lost my home, most of my material possessions, my mother, brother and all of my close friends. My wordly father had to buy me a car. I still believed it was the truth and was convinced that God wouldn't hear my prayers and that I would be destroyed at Armageddon, which of course, was just around the corner. But I was being tortured physically and mentally by my jw husband, and I thought everlasting death couldn't be any worse. If you are on this site, you at least know that the WTB&TS does not have the truth and that you do have a future. Anyone who leaves you, whether it is a spouse, a parent or a child when you leave the organization, doesn't really love you, or at least doesn't love you as much as they do the organization. I've been out 20 years, and it wasn't easy a lot of the time. But I have gained so many things like true friends, a wonderful husband who treats me like a queen, a college degree, respect in my community, great relationships with my worldly and disfellowshipped relatives, the ability to work just about any job I want, involvement in the political process, love for myself, freedom of thought and expression, a relationship with God as my father and Jesus as my savior...I could go on and on but I don't think this board has enough room.
As you start to build a life outside of the WTB&TS, you will feel better and be ready to face life as it really is. Good luck and God bless. I say a prayer for the Silent Lambs every night, and now I think I'll include the faders and the coerced.
